On weekends, the Lones had visitors, sometimes many of them. Everyone wore nice clothes, and an extra maid and cook would hand out drinks and bite-sized food on trays. Mr. Lone would call Livia in and introduce her to people, telling them how smart Livia was, how fast she was learning English and adapting to her new life. Livia could understand only part of these conversations, but she didn’t need words to know these people were all afraid of Mr. Lone, or wanted something from him, or both, and that’s why they came to his house, not because they liked him or wanted to be real friends.
One of the people Mr. Lone introduced her to was named Garry Emmanuel, the chief of Llewellyn’s police department. “Chief Emmanuel knows about Nason,” Mr. Lone said. “He’s doing everything he can to find her.”
Nanu had told Livia that in America it was considered impolite not to look in someone’s eyes. For Lahu, it was different-looking in the eyes felt like staring, or aggression. So she looked at Chief Emmanuel. She didn’t like what she saw. Hair cut close and the color of metal; jowly cheeks and a white mustache; cold blue eyes and a smile she knew he thought would fool a dumb little girl like the one looking up at him and having trouble meeting his eyes.
“That’s right,” Chief Emmanuel said. “I’m making sure Llewellyn PD is using all our contacts and resources. We’ll find your sister, don’t you worry.”
Livia didn’t like his promise. Because how could he really know? She would have been more reassured if he had just said he would try.
But maybe she was being too suspicious. This place… everything was so different from her people and the village. Maybe she just didn’t understand. And what choice did she have but to try to be patient, and helpful, and to hope?
So she merely thanked Chief Emmanuel for his kindness and told him how important it was to her to find Nason.
The other visitors would make sorrowful faces and tell Livia she was so “brave” to have suffered her “ordeal,” how “blessed” she was that Mr. Lone had decided to raise her in his own house. Livia wanted to take their pity and fling it back in their faces. But she knew the role Mr. Lone wanted her to play, and she needed to please him. So she smiled politely and thanked the visitors for their concern, and told them, oh yes, she certainly was lucky, and the Lones were so generous, and Llewellyn was the most beautiful place she had ever seen.
But Llewellyn wasn’t beautiful. It was alien. And there was something… rotten about it, something she could sense in the way people watched Mr. Lone and interacted with him, something dark and somehow even shameful. It reminded her of a smell-the one that would come from under the hut when a small animal had tunneled into a hole there and died. Everything would look fine, but until the animal’s carcass was found and removed, there would be that smell.
19-THEN
One evening, while Livia was drying off after a shower, the little lock on the bathroom door popped and the door swung open. She jumped back, startled and afraid, covering herself with the towel.
It was Mr. Lone, his tie loosened, his drink in hand. He must have come home while she had been in the shower. That’s why she hadn’t heard.
She watched him, confused and anxious. Had he learned something about Nason? Had he wanted her to know right away?
He looked her up and down, his breathing slightly elevated, his face red. The alcohol smell was strong.
“Why was the door locked, Livia?”
She didn’t know how to respond. “I… I lock when I shower.”
“You lock it. But you shouldn’t. We’re a family now. We don’t keep secrets from each other.”
She wanted to argue, to tell him she didn’t have any family, except for Nason. And why was he accusing her of secrets? She only wanted privacy while she was in the bathroom. She was the one who should have been accusing him, because it wasn’t right that he had unlocked the door like that.
But it was his house. And she didn’t know how to express these thoughts. So she only said, “Is it about Nason?”
“Not as such,” he said. “Not directly. It’s actually about you.”
He took a sip of his drink, then waited a moment as though expecting her to respond. When she didn’t, he said, “I’ve had to pull some strings, call in some favors, but it’s going to be formal. I meant it when I said we’re a family now. Because Mrs. Lone and I are going to adopt you. You’ll be Livia Lone, and an American citizen. How does that sound?”
It sounded terrible, actually, as though she was being thrown in some sort of cage she could sense but not clearly see. And why was he telling her this here, now?
“I… I don’t know.”
“Well, it’s a lot to think about, certainly. But I feel… it’s all going to work out. I’m glad you came into our lives, Livia. Four sons, but never a daughter. A family isn’t the same without a daughter. It’s what I’ve always wanted. And I think… I don’t think it’s an accident that you came to us. I believe God heard my prayers, and answered them. Do you believe that?”
“I… I think so.” She didn’t, though. She only wanted to say what he wanted to hear so he would go away and she could lock the door again. It wasn’t right that she had to stand here talking to him, her hair dripping wet and with nothing but a towel in front of her.
“So I don’t want locked doors between us. No secrets. Or… maybe there’s a better way to put it. I want us to be able to trust each other with our secrets. Not hide them. Do you understand?”
His words, and the way he was looking at her, were making her increasingly anxious. “I think so.”
He smiled. “What I’m saying is… I want you to trust me.”
“All right.”
“Do you, Livia? Do you trust me?”
She knew she should say yes, but she couldn’t. She tried to think.
“You… you been very good to me.”
“Have been. I have been very good to you.”
“Yes. You have been. Nanu tries to teach me that grammar.”
“Is trying. But do you trust me?”
Why was he asking her these things? While she was standing dripping wet in a towel?
“I… I only a little know you. Only know you a little, I mean.”
He nodded gravely. “Yes. And I want you to get to know me better. Really know me. And I want to really know you. All right?”
Just go, she thought. Just go.
“All right.”
He stepped closer and she shrank back. But the wall was behind her, and all she could do was press up against the cold tiles. He put his hand on her shoulder. She wanted to push it away, but she was afraid of what that would mean, what he would do. And she was angry, angry that he had unlocked the door and come in without asking, that he was asking her these questions, that he was looking at her in a bad way. She knew she should look in his eyes, but she was afraid he would see her anger and it would upset him. So she looked down-the Lahu way, not what Nanu had told her was the American.