I stood for a long time waiting for the lights to change so that I could cross the road. Lots of police people stood around handing out leaflets with my photo on them. I mean Josie’s photo. But I didn’t see a single hearse.
When Josie Farraday crossed Kennington Road she walked right up to the funeral parlour. She could have touched the window. She might have seen one of the hearses. She might even have seen her own hearse. Because, as Caro said, it was awfully convenient Josie getting herself murdered so close to a funeral parlour.
What Josie Farraday did next was very peculiar. She dithered outside the Parma Café for several minutes. The Parma has windows from top to bottom, and the lady behind the counter saw her dithering before she went in. So I tried to dither a bit although it’s difficult when there’s nothing to dither for.
And then I went in. I went over to the counter and I asked the lady how much a cup of tea was. Even though the price is written on a board right in front of me.
The lady behind the counter said, ‘Big cup or little cup?’ And I said little cup. The lady told me how much. But I didn’t ask for a cup of tea. I asked her what the time was. Even though Josie and I are wearing watches.
This watch does not do anything clever, such as stopping at exactly the time of the murder, like watches do on TV. It was still working when they found Josie in Kennington Park at four-thirty the next morning.
After the lady told me the time I said thank you, and left the café. The lady told the police she thought Josie was waiting for someone who didn’t come. She said she thought Josie was too embarrassed to wait inside by herself.
I said, ‘How awful to wait and wait in a public place with everyone staring and thinking you’ve been stood up.’
Caro said, ‘That might happen to someone like Josie, but it’ll never happen to me. I won’t wait for anyone.’
And I said, ‘It all depends.’ Because I can imagine waiting and waiting until my heart breaks. Not for any old boy like Mark. But I’d wait for someone tall and strong.
He says, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be there, and then everything will be all right.’ He has blue eyes which look at me and see beauty. There is a special me which only his blue eyes can see.
Josie waits outside the Parma. I’m not waiting for someone. No one is coming. I’m waiting till the police say it’s time to cross the road and go into the park.
My mother says, ‘Don’t ever go into the park at night.’
There are so many things I mustn’t do – like hang around the skateboard rink, walk home alone, pet strange dogs. And if it was bad before, Josie has made it much much worse. Mum even started to meet me outside school but I soon put a stop to that. I don’t want to look like a nerd. But I had to promise to stay with Caro, and Caro had to promise to stay with me. Since Josie, Caro and I have been like Siamese twins.
We both had to promise to keep out of the park. But we broke that promise the very next day because we just had to see where it happened.
I said, ‘No, no we promised.’ But Caro said two promises didn’t count. She said two minuses made a plus in algebra. So two promises not to do something made a promise to go out and do it.
There is a little walled flower garden in the corner of the park.
That’s where it happened. At least, that’s where they found Josie Farraday. But we didn’t get to see it, because the police wouldn’t let us in to look. They told us to go home and not be so morbid.
Caro said, ‘But it isn’t morbid. It’s educational. The whole school was taken to the Tower to see where Anne Boleyn got her head cut off.’
And I said, ‘I don’t have to see. I know exactly where it happened.’
‘Where?’
I said, ‘Near the shelter, with the bench and the one-eyed cat.’ Because Caro and I had been there before. Before Josie.
I said, ‘Remember the L-shaped hedge?’
And she said, ‘Ooohh yes!’ Because, one time, we found some very funny things under the yew hedge. We found some donner kebabs, three plastic forks and a syringe.
‘And a condom!’ I might have known Caro would remember the condom.
Caro said, ‘Well, of course. That’s where everyone goes to do rude things. And afterwards he rolled Josie’s body under the hedge with all the Chinese takeaways and polythene bags.’
And I said, ‘After what?’ Because that was the biggest mystery of all. What did he do, and why did Josie let him?
Caro said, ‘Shut up. I’m thinking. After that maybe he ate the smokey bacon flavour crisps.’ And we laughed a lot because it was so ridiculous. But that night I dreamed about hundreds of snakes writhing around under my bed. The snakes all shed their skins and the skins were made of milky white rubber.
What I can’t understand is why a nerd like Josie Farraday was so brave. She went into the park alone in the dark. Or she went into the park with a strange man. Which is very brave and very stupid. I always knew Josie Farraday was stupid but even stupid girls are frightened in the dark.
I have never been into the park after nightfall. It wasn’t me. It was Josie. But I have to go into the park. The police told me to. Even Mum gave her permission. Everyone says it’s all right tonight. Nothing bad will happen.
Nothing bad can happen because this is going to be on TV. People watching TV will see me being brave, walking through the gate into the dark. Like watching the diving on TV. Maybe if there was no one watching, the divers wouldn’t have the nerve to go off the high board and fall headfirst, tumbling, into the water.
So who was watching Josie? Who said it was all right? Someone gave her permission or I wouldn’t have the nerve to go into the park at night.
He says, ‘Don’t be frightened. I’m here. Nothing bad will happen.’
I cross the road, and it’s like crossing a river. It’s wide and deep and full of snakes and crocodiles.
Josie crossed the road and walked into the park. All the gates are locked after dark but there is a path which is always open. There are railings on either side, and trees which hold their bare arms out over the path. The path is wet and shiny. The path says yes, yes. The trees say no, no. They cross their bare arms over the path, and say, ‘Don’t ever go into the park at night.’
I wait at the entrance where everyone can see Josie.
The policeman says, ‘Go on. It’s all right.’
Josie walks into the park. He says, ‘Come on. It’s all right.’
I look up at him. He is much taller than me and his shoulders are broad. He fills the screen. He has blue eyes and straight, dark eyebrows. He is strong and beautiful. He looks down at me and I am small and beautiful. My hands do not sweat. I am not a nerd.
He says, ‘I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Ever.’
He is so strong, he will protect me from everything. I would never go into the park alone. Without him.
He says, ‘Don’t worry. You’re with me.’
So I go into the park. And he is by my side. We are all alone and it’s dark. He takes my hand, and my heart kicks me.
And he says, ‘You know what really hurts?’
‘What?’
‘What, what?’
‘What really hurts?’
And he half throws, half drags me over the railings onto the grass. There are tears running down my face and I scream but he doesn’t let go. No one comes to rescue me.
My ugly black shoe is wrenched off, and I say, ‘What did you do that for?’
And he says, ‘Because you asked me to.’
They found my shoe in the morning. It was what led them to Josie.
I walk into the park. There is no one tall and strong beside me, so I’m frightened.
No one says, ‘Don’t be frightened. You’re with me.’
I walk into the park with the TV cameras watching. Tomorrow I will watch TV and I will see myself walk into the park alone. Caro will be jealous, and she’ll say, ‘You look like a nerd. You look just like Josie Farraday.’