Just as suddenly as he had risen to the top, he collapsed, his whole weight going dead on her. He felt her give a sigh as he lay there.
For a long moment, he didn’t move. He was conscious that she was kissing his forehead and then his cheeks and then the other parts of his face she could reach. He carefully disengaged himself and rolled off of her onto his side of the bed.
For a long moment, nothing was said. Then she turned her face toward him and whispered softly, “I’m sorry. I thought it would come back.”
Longarm turned sideways so that he could reach her face with his hand. He stroked her cheek. He said, “Sarah, it was fine, just fine. Don’t think about it. It was wonderful. It was me that was stiff and awkward. It wasn’t your fault.”
“It’s just been so long, it’s hard to explain how I feel inside. He might as well have killed me on the outside as killed me inside.”
Longarm said, “Honey, I don’t know what you expected. You said that you’ve been out of the saddle for three years or better. You can’t expect to just jump on a horse and ride like you used to.”
In the light, he could see her biting at her lip. She said, “It’s not just the time without, it’s the feelings inside me he put there. It’s the cruelty, the hate he showed me. I didn’t know people could feel like that. He’s an evil man, so cruel, so hard.” She suddenly turned her face away.
Longarm hitched himself up on the bed until he was leaning against the headboard. He reached over and got himself a cigarillo and lit it. The flame of the match illuminated both of them more clearly than the lamp. In the sudden flash he could see the sadness in her face. He shook the match out and got his cigarillo drawing good. He said, “Sarah, I think that you’re going to have to tell me about your Mr. Richard Brown.”
She gave a short bark of laughter. “Tell you about Richard Brown? There is no Richard Brown. Only the Richard part is right.”
Longarm said, “I didn’t think his name was Brown. I don’t know if you’re going to tell me his last name or not or if you’re going to tell me anything about him. I can tell you this, though. Whatever you do tell me dies with me. I would never give you away for all the money in the world or all the tea in China, but I think you’re going to have to talk about it. I’m not going to be here that much longer. This place is not going to hold me and I will find that man and I will either kill him or put him so far deep in jail, they’re going to have to roll his supper down to him.”
Sarah turned her face to look at him. She said, “Oh, if only I could believe that.”
Longarm looked at her gruffly. He said, “Believe it.”
She was silent for a moment and then she said, quite matter of factly, “I hate him.” She paused. “I’m thirty years old, and for at least twenty-nine of those years, I never thought I could say that about anyone. But to see me now, you would have a hard time believing that I was once very sweet, very loving, very affectionate.” She paused again. Longarm waited for her to go on. “But he changed that in me. I don’t mean just the lovemaking. I don’t mean that he made me incapable of feeling passion. He made me feel incapable of love. He’s turned all of the good feeling inside me into bitterness and hate, and I hate him for that.” She turned her head and looked at Longarm. “Can you understand that?”
He said, “I could understand it a whole lot better if you would tell me who we’re talking about. I know that’s going to require a wagon load of trust on your part, but honey, you’re going to have to trust somebody pretty soon. You’re as good as dead right now, the life you’re living. I may be your ticket out of here. We’re both prisoners. I don’t see where you can hurt yourself at all. As near as I can figure, you’ve got nothing to lose. By the way, that makes me have to ask you something. You’ve told me all this, how miserable your life is. Why haven’t you run for it? Why haven’t you gotten the hell out of here? Are you being watched night and day?”
She gave a short, bitter laugh. She said, “No, of course not, but what chance would I, a genteel white woman, have in this country? It’s twenty-five miles to the border and he practically controls that part of the land. I have no money, no real clothes. I have no shoes to amount to anything, nothing but slippers. How can I get out of here? I don’t really know how to ride a horse, so how would I leave? His men would catch me before I had gone ten miles and then they would do what they did once before. They would tie me to a post out in the hot sun and leave me out there for several days until I was almost dead from thirst and hunger.”
Longarm said, “I see. Well, whoever Mr. Brown is, he’s one no-good low-down son of a bitch, but it’s up to you if you want to tell me your story—I’d like to hear it. I can only tell you that you can trust me. I can’t prove it. By the time I’ve proven it you’ll be out of here.”
When Longarm finished speaking, she was quiet for a moment. She touched her navel with her forefinger, looking down at it. She said, “I never really thought of it that way.”
“What way?”
“I really have nothing to lose. What I have now is living death. I think I might almost prefer to be dead rather than to go on living like this. The only thing I have to look forward to in the future is more hate, more mistreatment, more humiliation.” She paused. After a moment, she said, “His name is Richard Harding.”
The name bounced around in Longarm’s head like a rubber ball. It was familiar, yet he couldn’t place it. He said, “Richard Harding. Richard Harding. I know it from someplace.”
“You should. You both work for the federal government.”
It clicked. He said, “You’re not talking about Judge Richard Harding, are you?”
“Yes,” she said. “I’m his ex-wife!”
Longarm’s mouth literally fell open. He said, “Do you mean the Richard Harding who is a federal circuit court judge?”
“Yes, and also one of the biggest crooks along the border and perhaps the most vicious man.”
Longarm said, “You’re telling me that a federal court judge kidnapped me and is holding me prisoner?”
“Yes. He’s also holding me prisoner, too.”
It suddenly made sense in a strange sort of way. A federal judge would know, probably better than anyone, the ins and outs of swapping a federal prisoner for a federal deputy marshal. Longarm had no idea how he was going about it, but now the plan didn’t seem so crazy.
Chapter 6
Sarah said, “About three years ago, he caught me with another man. It was innocent enough in appearance, but it wasn’t so innocent in my heart. I was so starved for love, for affection, for kindness, that I was ready to throw myself at the first man I could interest, but they were all afraid of Judge Harding and with good reason. I was not quite twenty-seven. He was a young lawyer, newly moved to Laredo. We carried on an innocent enough flirtation for a while and then we arranged to meet. Suffice it to say, Richard caught us.” Sarah stopped and turned her face away.
Longarm asked, “What did he do?”
“More the question is: What didn’t he do? He put me in the cellar of our house and kept me there for two weeks. I later found out he had the young lawyer killed. Then he gave me a choice: He would either kill me or he would send me to this ranch to live out the rest of my days as a scullery maid. You can see the choice I took.”
Longarm stared at her. He said, “Sent his own wife here? To live as a scullery maid?”
“Yes, and made certain that everyone in the place treated me like one. Humiliation heaped upon humiliation. I am the lowest form of life on this ranch. I come below the goats. I eat the scraps. I do the dirtiest work. I get the back of anyone’s hand who cares to hit me.”