I pulled the brassiere out of my back pocket. It unraveled instantly and hung limp and wrinkled from my fingers. I wanted to make sure I got this back to you, I said. The cups didn’t fit right, so I didn’t end up wearing it in the end, but I wanted to say thanks all the same. It was a nice thing for you to do.
She took the brassiere and folded it into her shirt pocket. Sorry it didn’t work out, she said. Sometimes it’s nice to feel sexy just for the hell of it.
Anthony cleared his throat in a way that made me wonder if I’d made a mistake bringing him along. Here it was supposed to be his chance to make her feel better and all he could do was stand around looking sour like always.
We wanted you to know that we’re both sorry for what happened, I said. We wanted to say that if you ever want to talk, we’re both right across the way. Right, Anthony?
He pivoted on his heel and made eye contact with Beth for the first time since we arrived. For sure, he said. You need help with anything, let us know.
That’s right, I said. In fact, Anthony, why don’t you ask your mom if she can start lending you the car during the day? That way you can drive us to school and we won’t have to bother with the bus anymore.
Anthony nodded. Yeah. I’ll try asking her.
That’s sweet of you to offer, Beth said. But I’m not going to need a ride to school from now on.
I turned my head and gaped at her. Why not?
I turn fifteen in a couple of months. Mama says they won’t kick up a fuss if I leave early.
She’s making you drop out?
No. This is my own choice. I may not get the chance to see Eric behind bars, but I sure as hell don’t have to see him again either. Or any of them for that matter.
I watched her dry her eyes on the sleeve of Katie’s shirt. She shuddered from touching the bruised half of her face, and afterward she let the tears on that side fall where they may.
Seems like a shame to leave school on his account, I said. What’re you going to do, then, if you’re done taking classes?
I don’t know, she said. But I’ll tell you one thing. Soon as I’m old enough, I’m leaving the valley for good. I’m sick of it.
Where would you go?
Somewhere on the coast. A real city.
Think you’d do well over there, Anthony said. He stepped away from the support column and took a seat under the window sill next to Beth. I wasn’t sure if he was doing much to help her feel better, but from out of nowhere his own attitude had suddenly perked up. I hear there are towns on the coast where they still have internet, he said. Everybody’s connected to everybody.
That’s what they say, Beth said.
Not to mention the food. Every kind of restaurant you can imagine. Chinese, Japanese, Indian. After disbandment, all the good cooks in the valley packed up and headed for the ocean.
Beth looked out across the field with a far and dreamy look in her one good eye. With the wind picking up, the rows of topsoil had suddenly come alive, shifting and falling in place like lines of sand on a rattling tray. I’d just like to live in a place where there’s something going on, she said. Last year for my birthday, mom drove us up to Fresno to see a movie at the only theater left in the county. It’d been a long time since we were up that way, and when we got there the theater was all stripped down and boarded up. Big For Sale signs hanging in the windows.
Mama took us to see a movie down in Bakersfield once, I said. The faces on the screen were so huge Jessie thought they were going to gobble her up. Started crying so hard we had to leave after ten minutes.
It costs money to live in a city, though, Anthony said. A lot more than it does to live here. You’d have to find a good-paying job to make it.
I’ll find a way, Beth said. Anything’s better than sticking around here waiting to grow old.
I’ve been wondering, I said. When Elliot was alive, did he ever let you guys come with him to the coast?
Not me, Beth said.
Same, Anthony added. He always said the coast was no place for farm people.
There was a bitterness in Anthony’s voice that I worried would swing his mood back around the other way. Still, it was something like a relief to know that Daddy hadn’t excluded me and my sisters in particular, that he’d kept all his families equally confined to our humble lives down on the parcels.
I used to dream that someday he’d drive up to the house and take us away to live with him in a big city, I said. But now that I’m older, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable living in an area like that. They say people on the coast look down on folks from the valley. You might end up feeling lonely and out of place all the time.
Beth clenched her jaw and continued to stare out across the land. No one would need to know where I really come from, I said. I’d tell em I grew up someplace else.
Where?
Depends. If I lived in San Francisco, I’d say I was born in L.A. And if I was in L.A., I’d say San Francisco.
You’d be okay doing that? Lying all the time?
Everyone lies about something, she said. We’re lying right now about our father and where the money for the co-op came from. Our father lied to us and our mothers every day of our lives. Eric lied when he said he cared about me. What’s the point of being honest when the dishonest people always get what they want?
God’s the point, Anthony said. He judges everyone in the end.
I don’t believe in God anymore, she said. God is just another old man who’s never been there for us.
I watched Anthony’s eyes widen and his face go blank. For all he knew, this was the closest he’d ever been to an outspoken non-believer. I know what you’re talking about, I said. But I don’t agree about the lying. At the end of the day, I’ve got to believe there’s a way to stay honest even without some big man with a beard watching over us.
Good luck with that, Beth said. In the meantime, you’ll have one less Temple to run into at school, cause I’m done with it. I’ll stick around doing chores for mom and Jennifer until I’ve saved up enough money, then I’m gone.
You should try talking to Dawn about this, I said. She’s got a lot of experience living on her own. Might have some good advice for you.
She’s an angel, she said. Spent all morning looking after me. Tired herself out so bad mom finally made her go lie down in the bedroom.
You should talk to her before you decide to leave. What she has to say might be worth thinking about first.
See, that’s your whole problem right there, Anthony said. You keep looking to yourselves and your mothers and each other for answers. But God’s the only one who has any answers to give. Two thousand years before any of us were born, He laid out the correct path for us to follow. He’s with us now even if you don’t accept it.
Right, Beth said. Then I guess He was with me in the orchard last night too. He was right there watching while Eric beat on me.
Anthony scowled. It’s not His responsibility to explain why bad things happen, he said. The burden’s on us to keep faith in His word.
His word, I said. You mean like, Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord?
A shamed look I’d never seen on him before came over Anthony’s face. He hid his mouth behind his knees and hugged his legs to his chest. I thought he might’ve been praying at first, but his eyes were open and he wasn’t making a sound. With him crawling back into his shell, I hoped Beth would feel like talking some more, maybe opening up about what Eric’s betrayal really meant to her. But instead she went back to cleaning up after Grampa Reid, who had red wine dribbling from the corners of his mouth, making a mess of his shirt front. The wind continued to pick up, sending a current through the leaves and teasing the parched earth with the promise of rain. And still more clouds came rolling in from the west, though, like most things, they never stuck around the valley longer than they had to.