I wasn’t sure anybody was at home, she said. Must’ve spent ten minutes deciding whether or not to knock on the door.
It’s so good to see you, I said. And I wasn’t being polite. Since Katie’s barbecue, I’d been thinking about the other wives and their kids nonstop. It was strange how one massive secret could make you feel closer to near-strangers than to all the friends and neighbors you’d grown up with your whole life.
Good to see you too, Ellie. Is your mama at home? She and I need to talk.
She’s still in bed. Have you had breakfast yet?
The way she devoured my pancakes and eggs, I gathered Dawn hadn’t eaten a solid meal since leaving Merced. I poured her a second cup of coffee and went back to wiping down the counter. From the last time I saw her, she seemed somehow younger and more tired-looking at once. It took me a while to finally place it—she wasn’t wearing makeup.
These strawberries are great, she said. Can’t remember the last time I had them.
I folded the towel over the edge of the stove. Round here we call strawberries a lady crop, I said. County won’t subsidize em, so they’re mostly grown by women in small family gardens.
Dawn shook her head. So many things people used to take for granted are so hard to come by nowadays. When I was a kid we used to have a store in the neighborhood that sold factory-made fruit pies for a dollar apiece. Apple, chocolate, lemon, cherry. I don’t remember strawberry, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
Wish there was a store round here close by. It’s a pain having to go into town every time the milk runs out.
Least you grew up with it. Moving up here for me was like coming to a foreign country. Took years just to get used to the little differences.
You’re from L.A. originally?
Near about. We moved around a lot when I was little.
How come?
She shrugged. I was the same age as your sister Gracie. I forget most of it.
Whether she’d heard her name or not, Gracie came pattering into the kitchen like she’d been called. She hugged my leg and buried her face in denim. Shy as she was, it was going to be interesting to see how she adjusted to having so many people around all the time.
You already sold the farm in Merced. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?
Dawn set her fork down on the plate. I didn’t have anything or anyone to hold me to the place, she said. Just a lot of smashed dreams and a foreman I never felt comfortable talking to. So I filed the papers with the county the day after Katie’s party. I didn’t want to wait.
Mama will understand. At the very least, she’ll be glad some of the money’s been freed up for the co-op deposit. I gave her a smile as a show of goodwill, but right away it was clear something was off. She pushed her plate away and folded her hands in front of her face. She wasn’t crying yet, but the change in her breathing was enough to signal its approach. I touched her arm. It’s all right, I said. You can tell me.
She dabbed the skin beneath her eyes with a napkin. There’s no money, she said. The deposit on the farm is all gone.
I fixed her a glass of white wine mixed with orange juice and led her from the kitchen into the living room. If Mama got up then she got up, but in the meantime I needed to know what happened so I could figure out how to break it to her and the others. I let Dawn have the good sofa while I sat on the other one with Gracie on my lap, hiding the ripped cushion with my thighs.
I feel so stupid, Dawn said. After the barbecue, I let myself believe that everything was going to turn out fine, that for once I’d have some real stability in my life. I even started thinking up ways to make the co-op nice when we moved in. I wanted to surprise you kids with a swimming pool. Now I can’t contribute anything.
It’s okay. We’ll find a way to make it work. Just tell me what happened.
She picked her glass up off the coffee table and finished the rest of the drink in one go. Your daddy was borrowing against the farm, she said, panting. When I filed the release papers with the county, the balance of the deposit was nothing compared to what he had first put down. I figured there had to be some mistake. But then I checked with the ag office, and they showed me the receipts for all the times he took out loans over the past year. There must’ve been six or seven of them in total. And they all had his signature.
What was he using the money for?
I don’t know. I never knew about our finances. You must think I’m naïve, but understand that your daddy had a way of presenting himself that made me believe we never needed to worry about money. In the year we were married, he traded up cars twice. Anything I wanted, anything he thought I needed, it was mine. Clothes, furniture, appliances, food. Maybe that’s where all the money went. Keeping his young wife happy so I wouldn’t stray while he was gone.
I took her glass to the kitchen and fixed her another drink. Even with the wall separating us, I could still hear her gasping and sniffling from the other room. I waited a full minute before going back in, and this time I brought the bottle with me.
I want juice too, Gracie whined.
This is grown-up juice. And anyway, you had enough to drink with breakfast. Go find Jessie and ask her to play for a while.
Dawn watched her scamper off toward the back of the house. You’re really good with her, she said. And you’re a good daughter too.
I know how to look after neglected women, I said. Comes with the territory.
She laughed above the rim of her wine glass before taking another sip. I am sorry for inconveniencing you all like this, she said. I’d planned on showing up at Katie’s place, but when I got to Reedley I was too scared and embarrassed to see her. I didn’t know where else to go when I remembered you guys lived down by Hanford.
Did you just get in this morning?
Last night. I didn’t want to barge in after dark, so I slept in the car.
You didn’t have to. It could’ve been three in the morning and we’d have still let you in.
That’s kind of you to say, but you can’t speak for your mama. And you can’t speak for the others. When they find out I’m broke, they’ll vote to cut me out of the co-op plan. Katie might show me some charity, but Jennifer won’t stand to see me involved without cash on hand. You remember how she was at the meeting. The rest of us only matter to her as long as we’re able to chip in.
Maybe there’s another way for you to get the money together. What about all the stuff Daddy bought you? That’s got to be worth something.
It was, but I had to sell most of it to pay down the interest on what he borrowed. All that’s left is that old car out front and a suitcase full of fancy clothes and makeup.
What about the bank? Didn’t he leave anything in the farm account?
A few thousand dollars. Just enough to pay off the foremen. Severance was written into their contracts. Nothing I could do.
I shook my head. Daddy always made sure his foremen were taken care of. Funny that’s where he chose to put his loyalty.
Well, of course. They ran the farms in his absence. No way we could compete with that.
I picked up the wine bottle and refilled her glass. It was good that she was feeling resentful. Rather have that than tears. No one’s going to squeeze you out if I can help it, I said. You’ve got as much right to a share as any of them.
I know. But how do I get the others to agree?
You don’t need to worry about it right this second. You’ve been through an ordeal you didn’t deserve. Right now you need to rest up and get your strength back. You have another glass of wine and get yourself a hot bath. There’s a lock on the bathroom door, so no one’ll disturb you. I’ll bring your suitcase in from the car so you have something clean to change into. Tonight you’ll sleep in my bed and I’ll bunk with the girls.