I could feel that vague doom coming nearer. It was as in the dream.
Esmeralda was a little bewildered; she disliked going anywhere without me, but I was rarely with her now except for those walks in the Park and the charity visits.
The Carringtons loomed large in our lives. They were Cousin Agatha's closest friends. Lady Emily's name was mentioned twenty times a day.
Philip was often a member of a family party and he, with Esmeralda, visited the theater with Cousin Agatha and Cousin William. The play was Lady Windermere's Fan, which had been produced for the first time in February at the St. James's Theatre. I had heard that although it was a light comedy it sparkled with wit and amusing epigrams. I guessed that Esmeralda would not see the point of it.
I watched them leave in the carriage and I saw them come back. When Esmeralda came up I waylaid her and made her tell me about the play. She gave me a brief outline of the plot and she said that Philip had laughed the whole way through. They had had supper afterwards and it had been very jolly. She looked quite pretty in a powder-blue gown and her blue velvet cloak. I longed for such a cloak, but most of all to go to the theater and laugh with Philip.
The next day we walked in the Park with Nanny Grange, who was still with us. She would probably go with Esmeralda when she married to look after her children, for Cousin Agatha felt it was good to keep nannies in the family. One could then rely on their loyalty. Besides, all the best people did it.
Now that we were older Nanny Grange always walked a few sedate paces behind us like a watchdog and if any young men came near us she would quicken her pace and be there abreast of us. It always amused me.
That day we met Philip in the Park. He fell into stride beside us. This was quite legitimate and did not need Nanny's attention. He was after all a Carrington.
Philip said accusingly to me: "Why didn't you come to the play last night?"
"Nobody asked me," I replied.
"You mean to say ..." He stopped and looked at me. "No," he cried. "It can't be."
"But it is. Didn't you know I was the Poor Relation?"
"Oh, stop it, Ellen," wailed Esmeralda. "I can't bear you to talk like that."
"Whether you can bear it or not, my dear," I said, "it's true."
"When my parents return the visit to the theater I shall insist that you are included," Philip assured me.
"That's nice of you, Philip," I said, "but I wouldn't come where I wasn't wanted."
"Ass!" he said, and gave me a push just as he had when we were children.
I felt very pleased because at least Philip didn't see me as the Poor Relation.
There was going to be a grand dance. The folding doors of three rooms on the first floor were to be thrown open to make a fairly sizable ballroom which would be decorated with plants. It was in fact Esmeralda's coming-out ball. She was to have a very special gown in blue silk and lace. Tilly Parsons, the seamstress, thought it would take a week to make it. "All those tucks and frills, my word," she muttered.
I was to be allowed to go to the ball and for this I, too, was to have a new ball dress. I dreamed of deep blue chiffon which would heighten the color of my eyes; I saw myself floating round the ballroom and everyone calling me the belle of the ball. Esmeralda wouldn't mind that, being Esmeralda. She was very good-natured really and she had no desire for the role. She hated calling attention to herself.
Cousin Agatha sent for me. I might have known what it was about. After all, I was eighteen years old, and the threats which had haunted me all my childhood were not idle ones.
"Ah, Ellen. You may sit down."
I sat uneasily.
"You will realize of course that you are now of an age to go out into the world. Naturally I have done my best to place you and my efforts are now being rewarded. I have the post for you at last."
My heart started beating fast with apprehension.
"Mrs. Oman Lemming... the Honorable Mrs. Oman Lemming ... is losing her governess in six months' time. I have spoken to her about you and she is willing to see you with the possibility of giving you the post."
"Mrs. Oman Lemming ..." I stammered.
"The Honorable Mrs. Oman Lemming. She is the daughter of Lord Pillingsworth. I have known her well all my life. I had thought it would not be good for you to be in a house which we might visit, but these are very special circumstances. You will have to be discreet and keep out of the way if we should be there. Mrs. Oman Lemming will understand the delicacy of the situation, she is such a friend of mine. I have begged her to take tea with me, which she will do next week. While she is here she will have an opportunity of looking at you, and I trust you will, Ellen, be mindful of your duty, for if you should fail to please her it could be very difficult to place you. Such posts do not grow on trees, you know."
I was dumbfounded—quite unreasonably so. I had secretly never thought it would come to that. My absurd optimism would not let me believe it possible. But now here it was—my approaching doom. Six months away.
Cousin Agatha, who had clearly expected me to express my gratitude, sighed and lifted her shoulders.
"I should not wish you to go ill equipped and that brings me to the matter of your ball dress. I have chosen the material for you. Black is so serviceable and I am asking Tilly Parsons to make it in a style which will not date. There may be an occasion when you need such a dress. I should not like you to be without one."
I knew the sort of dress it would be. Suitable for a middle-aged woman. It was in any case a dress which was expected to last into my maturity. I felt uneasy.
When I met the Honorable Mrs. Oman Lemming my worst fears were realized.
Like Cousin Agatha, she was a large woman with sweeping feathers in her hat and long tight gray kid gloves. A heavy gold chain descended the mountain of her bosom; a large brooch sparkled on her blouse. I could see a kindred spirit to Cousin Agatha, and my heart sank.
"This is Ellen Kellaway," said Cousin Agatha.
The Honorable Mrs. Oman Lemming raised her lorgnette and studied me. I don't think she was very delighted with what she saw.
"She is very young," she commented. "But perhaps that is not a disadvantage."
"It is so much easier to mold the young to our ways, Letty," said Cousin Agatha, and I thought how incongruous the name sounded for such a militant-looking female.
"That's true, Agatha. But is she good with children?"
"I have to admit that she has had little experience of them, but she has been brought up with Esmeralda and shared her education."
The Honorable Mrs. Oman Lemming bowed her head like some all-knowing oracle. I noticed that her eyes were too closely set together, and her mouth when she studied me was thin and cold. I disliked her on sight and the thought of becoming a member of her household in a certain menial capacity gave me no pleasure.
She turned to me then. "There are four children. Hester, the eldest, is fourteen; Claribel, eleven; James is eight and Henry, four. James will soon be going away to school and Henry will follow in due course. The girls will remain at home and it would be your duty—if I engage you—to teach them."
"I am sure," said Cousin Agatha, "that you will not find Ellen lacking in scholastic knowledge. Our governess told me that she was brighter than average."
Praise from Cousin Agatha for the first time in my life! But it only showed of course how eager she was to be rid of me.