"Majdi?" Kiram almost laughed at the idea of his brother bothering to abuse him. "Never. Beating an unruly son isn't the Haldiim way. Much too straightforward. They just throw you out and make sure no one in the entire community will help you with anything."
Kiram tried not to think on how effective that course of action could be.
He had no idea what he would do for money. How would he even return to the Sagrada Academy or pay for his tuition? Hundreds of anxieties crawled through him but he refused to think on them. Not now.
"But why would your mother do that?" Javier asked.
"It was inevitable." Kiram sighed and leaned his head against Javier's thigh. "Sooner or later she had to realize that I wouldn't ever settle down with Hashiem or anyone else like him. I guess it was sooner rather than later."
"She threw you out for that?"
"She was angry about me breaking her promises and embarrassing her but, yes, what it really came down to was that I wouldn't marry the man she chose." He didn't want to recount the full argument, because to do so would mean passing his mother's insulting words on to Javier. And he felt too ashamed that his own mother could have said such things to do that. When Javier had first come to his house he'd assured him that his people weren't so bigoted as to disdain him for merely being Cadeleonian. At the time he'd feared that Javier might insult them for their strange Haldiim ways. He couldn't have been more wrong.
Javier said, "So she discovered that you and I are lovers?"
Kiram glanced to Javier's face in surprise. He couldn't remember Javier ever outrightly calling them lovers before. Certainly he'd never used the Cadeleonian word.
"Yes," Kiram said. "She found out that you and I are lovers."
"Would it do any good if I talked to her?" He stroked Kiram's shoulder absently.
"No. She's in no mood to listen." Kiram watched the firelight dance across the gilded walls and felt Javier's strong fingers play over his skin. The moment seemed almost perfect. But it couldn't last.
"I don't know what I'm going to do." Kiram's voice failed him.
"What do you want to do?" Javier asked, as if it could be that simple.
"I want to be a mechanist," Kiram replied out of habit, but then a deeper longing came to him. "I want to travel and see the world. I want to be your lover."
A proud smile broke through Javier's concerned expression. "I'd be happy to fulfill your third wish this very moment."
"Very generous." Kiram laughed briefly but then felt cold fear close in on him once more. "That's fine for one night but tomorrow-"
"We'll still be lovers tomorrow." Javier leaned close and kissed him.
Kiram longed to allow Javier's desire to eclipse his own anxiety. But Javier drew back. He straightened and lifted a gold chain from around his neck. As he held the necklace out, Kiram recognized the lotus charm. Alizadeh had blessed it for Kiram and Kiram had given it to Javier with the hope that it would ease his troubled dreams.
"Do you remember the night you gave this to me?" Javier slipped the necklace over Kiram's head.
Kiram nodded. He couldn't have forgotten. It had been the same night that Javier had first called himself a bender and accepted Kiram into him.
And suddenly Kiram realized that on that day Javier too had faced the loss of so many certainties that had once been his assured future. He'd been terrified that night and yet he hadn't backed down-not from the physical reality of sex with another man and not from the loss of his Cadeleonian faith.
Kiram touched the medallion. It still felt warm from Javier's body.
"Do you want to go back to your mother's house?" Javier asked and Kiram could see the fear beneath his composure.
"No, I want to stay with you," Kiram said, realizing that this was what mattered most. He'd wanted Javier and he'd wanted independence and now he had them both. "I made the right choice. I know I did."
Kiram flopped back on the bed and gazed up at the gleaming gold blessings above him. "I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes. Tonight, it's just us."
All the tension drained from Javier's careful expression and he smiled an easy, seductive smile.
"Let's make the night last long then" Javier rose from the bed and then returned with a jar of sweet oil. He rested it on the bedside table as if leaving its use to Kiram's discretion. Javier's generosity and trust touched Kiram deeply. He could hardly believe that at one time he'd felt too unsure of Javier to share his body with him. Now it was all he wanted. Just the thought of taking Javier deep within himself, feeling him so close, sent a shock of longing through Kiram's body.
"You're far too formally dressed for this occasion," Kiram informed him.
"Indeed?" Javier arched a brow and smiled. "Shall I call for a valet?"
"I think it would be wisest if you learned to live with my untrained services." Kiram slid the opulent jacket from Javier's shoulders. He stripped away Javier's silver raiment, taking care with the costly clothes at first but then growing more desperate as Javier kissed and caressed him throughout the ministrations. Kiram gave a soft groan as Javier's hands slid under his nightshirt and skimmed over his loins.
"I'm never going to get these stockings off you at this rate." Kiram laughed breathlessly.
Javier simply grinned.
At last Kiram tossed aside the silver-threaded stockings, leaving Javier beautifully naked. Together they fell back on to the embroidered pillows and made the night last as if another might not come.
Chapter Twenty one
In terms of representing Cadeleonian family life, Javier's desolate townhouse in Zanconda had in no way prepared Kiram for the exuberance, noise and population of the Grunito household. Here the multitude of relations and houseguests who had gathered for Nestor's wedding stirred up gangs of playful young children and excited the indulged dogs. The prim Cadeleonian social restraint that Kiram had grown to expect seemed banished.
At breakfast a veritable pack of lanky hounds bounded beneath the huge table, licking people's fingers, sniffing their crotches, and gobbling up any morsels that the younger boys and Lord Grunito secreted to them. Nestor waved wildly at Kiram from the far end of the table and tossed him a hard candy before Lady Grunito called for a prayer.
Even the piety of the breakfast prayer eroded considerably in the face of a howling lapdog, the loudly misspoken words of Lord Grunito's deaf mother, and peals of half-suppressed laughter. Cheers and whoops closed the morning prayer and brought several of the dogs out from under the table, barking in excitement. Servants deftly skirted the hounds, heaping the table with meats and breads that Kiram would never have encountered in a Haldiim house.
Far down the table Kiram caught Javier's gaze and held it for a moment before forcing himself to look away. Atreau and Morisio were both seated to Javier's left while Elezar commanded the seat on his right. Nestor sat just past Elezar. He winked at Kiram.
In a way it was like they were still at the academy. Only this morning instead of getting to sit with the Hellions, Kiram had been directed by Lady Grunito to a gilded chair between Timoteo and Riossa. Lord Grunito loomed across from him, a giant of a man made even more terrifying by a twisted, scarred face and a weirdly wide-eyed smile.
The wiry dog that had howled through the breakfast prayer stood proudly on Lord Grunito's lap and from time to time Lord Grunito let the creature eat from his hand. When he noticed Kiram watching him, he winked at Kiram just as Nestor had earlier. Kiram tried not to stare at Lord Grunito as the big man piled his plate high with eggs and sausage. The brutal scar that deformed the right side of his head seemed so at odds with his constant smiles and unrestrained childlike laughter.
It soon became obvious from various comments and Riossa's whispered conversation that long ago Lord Grunito had suffered a terrible blow to his skull in a tournament and had never fully recovered. For the last two decades Lady Grunito had maintained the order of the household while her husband remained as rambunctious and giddy as one of her young sons. Kiram thought he could now see why Nestor and Elezar were so tolerant of Fedeles.