“I’m not wearing a fucking costume this year,” I mutter, feeling a trail of sweat slide down my temple as I lift the bar again.
Wes chuckles and I know he’s thinking of last Halloween and the Wild West costumes the girls had talked us into wearing.
“Hey, could you show me how to do that?” Wes and I turn to see a girl with wavy dark brown hair and heavily tanned skin, wearing a bright orange sports bra with black Lycra shorts. “I usually stick to the machines, but I want to learn to lift. I just need someone to teach me how.”
“You don’t know how to lift things?” Wes asks, placing his hands on his hips. He used to be more of a player than Jameson, Landon, and I combined, and in our prime, yet lately he’s been more exclusive and seems completely turned off by the easy pieces he used to collect like coins.
“Not this kind of thing.” She giggles and turns her attention to me. “Please?”
I hear Wes let out a sigh as he turns away and shakes his head.
“Yeah,” I reply, docking my weight. “So you’ve never lifted before? Do you do yoga or something to strength train your arms?”
She giggles again and then flexes. Her arms are thin but show no tone or definition, just a small layer of fat at the bottom. Wes coughs out a laugh as he starts doing curls, and she dutifully ignores him, keeping her blue eyes on me, assessing my reaction to her.
“Alright. Let’s take these weights off. The bar weighs thirty by itself. You should probably start with that for at least a week.”
She lifts the bar and her arms quiver under the weight nearly instantly. She squeals out a giggle as I reach for it to ensure she doesn’t drop it on herself.
I hate that this moment makes me think of Ace. Comparing her to this girl that I don’t even know because I compare everyone to her, it isn’t a choice, it just happens. I’ve never lifted weights with Ace, never even gone to the gym with her because she refused to join any of them, but I know that she’d be able to rock this without breaking a sweat. Running and swimming kept her muscles long and lean, whereas I can tell by looking at this girl she remains thin by dieting.
She continues to giggle as she follows my directions, occasionally requesting help when I wander more than a few feet from her. I keep her at an arm’s length, getting just my toes wet in the game of flirting.
“Dude, let’s go. You know what you need …” Javier stands up and grabs his keys as a giant shit-eating grin covers his face. I have a pretty good idea of what he’s going to say before he says it. “You need to get laid! Once we have you balls deep in some—”
“That’s not what he needs, you pig!” Kendall sneers, marching into the room looking ready to castrate Javier. I know that it’s for what he’s suggesting rather than his vulgar language. I’ve heard her say worse.
“Kendall, the man has needs. Don’t get me wrong, your little sister was hot, and probably got the job done well, but she’s not here anymore and—”
I think I’m more shocked than either of them as I shake my head to focus on the blood running from Javier’s nose. I feel the slight sting on my knuckles that are itching to make contact again. I can’t even recall making a conscious decision to hit him, or to dictate to my limbs to move, but as I hover over him, I feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins and hear his words replay in my head, causing my muscles to flex in waves.
“Get the hell out of here,” Kendall demands.
For a moment I think she’s directing her words to me, but then Javier stands up looking like a wounded dog and shakes his head as he turns to look at me. “You’re never going to get over her if you just sit around here waiting for her to come back. You guys need to wake the fuck up. She’s gone. You think she’s waiting for you? Hell no!”
This time I feel the surge of my muscles releasing as I lunge forward, but the activity has attracted Landon and Jameson, and they both work to restrain me.
After losing so many people that I care about in the last six months, and now likely Javier, I really don’t want to risk one of my roommates, especially when I fear Javier is just telling me what I already dread to be true.
I straighten to indicate that I’m done, and turn to retreat up to my room when Kendall’s voice breaks the mental image of Ace with another guy.
“She’s not dating anyone. She hasn’t been with anyone.”
“Kendall,” Jameson warns quietly.
“No, he needs to know,” Kendall cries out in irritation.
I continue up the stairs, focusing on Kendall’s words. I know she wouldn’t lie to me, but does she know the truth?
I roll onto my bed and flip on the TV, turning it to sports. I numbly watch a baseball game, highlighting a proposal that just occurred in the stands and snicker before changing the channel.
Zeus pushes my door open with his snout and trots into my room. He circles around his bed several times before he finally lies down.
She wouldn’t possibly be with another person, right? The car commercial ends and Jeremy Wade from River Monsters appears, reeling in a catch that has the small boat he’s on shifting violently. I flip off the TV with a loud sigh and close my eyes.
I woke up and quickly showered and dressed. It had been over two years since I was up that early to go fishing, but when David had asked me to go with a hopeful expression, I couldn’t say no, even though the prospect of us being alone together for an entire day made me a little uneasy.
Seeing you wearing a pair of denim shorts and light gray sweater zipped up to your neck caught me off guard. You were gripping a Starbucks cup and laughing at something your dad was saying as Zeus trotted over.
“Good morning!” Your voice was as warm as your smile. And I knew instantly you were there because I’d told you I was nervous. You handed me the Starbucks cup, and the sweet scent of caramel from my favorite drink filled the air. I wrapped my free hand around you, pulling you against my chest so I could bury my nose in your hair that always had the faint scent of coconuts, the sweet floral scent of your perfume, and the fresh, warm scent of you. I’d know that scent anywhere. Getting rid of your pillow after you left was one of the hardest things for me, on the rare occasions we used to spend night at our own places, I used to use it in order to find sleep.
“You didn’t have to wake up and go out with us,” I whispered, noticing the large bag filled with books by the rear tire of their SUV.
“I wanted to spend time with my two favorite guys.” You flashed one of your infamous smiles, the same one that I’d found myself goofily grinning in response to without even realizing it on several occasions. “Besides, without me, you guys would’ve starved.”
“I told her we would have survived, but I’ll admit, I did forget about packing food. It’s been so long since I’ve been.”
I watched your dad zone out, recalling his last fishing trip. You make that same face when you work to remember something. It’s as though you guys were hitting the pause button on reality and pushed rewind, not allowing anything in the present to distract you until you located the correct memory.
After a few moments, his face lit up and his eyes cleared, returning to reality. He grabbed your bag and frowned. “Ace, you’re going to sink the boat. What did you pack in here?”
“Necessities!” You waved a hand in the air dismissively and turned to Zeus.
Your dad raised his eyebrows and turned to look at me. “Honey, we’re only going for the day.” He didn’t wait for a response. I don’t think he was expecting one since he was already loading your bag in the car.
“Are you guys ready to go?” David asked, closing the back of the SUV.
“Do I get to be called Captain?” you joked, climbing into the backseat. I watched you move over so you were behind your dad, silently giving me permission to sit up front or in the back.