It wasn’t like I was asking her to marry me now. I just knew Bliss, and knew she tended to panic. I was giving her a very big, very obvious hint so that she’d have time to adjust before I actually asked her. Then in a few months, when I thought she’d gotten used to the idea, I’d ask her for real.
That was the plan anyway. It was supposed to be simple, but this felt… complicated. Suddenly, I thought of all the thousands of ways this could go wrong. What if she freaked out? What if she ran like she did our first night together? If she ran, would she go back to Texas? Or would she go to Cade who lived in North Philly? He’d let her stay until she figured things out, and then what if something developed between them?
What if she just flat out told me no? Everything was good right now. Perfect, actually. What if I was ruining it by pulling this stunt?
I was so caught up in my doomsday predictions that I didn’t even see the moment that she found the box. I heard her open it though, and I heard her exhale and say, “Oh my God.”
Where before my mouth had been dry, now I couldn’t swallow fast enough. My hands were shaking against the door. She was just standing there with her back to me. I couldn’t see her face. All I could see was her tense, straight spine. She swayed slightly.
What if she passed out? What if I’d scared her so much that she actually lost consciousness? I started to think of ways to explain it away.
I was keeping it for a friend?
It was a prop for a show?
It was… It was… shit, I didn’t know.
I could just apologize. Tell her I knew it was too fast.
I waited for her to do something—scream, run, cry, faint. Anything would be better than her stillness. I should have just been honest with her. I wasn’t good at things like this. I said what I was thinking—no plans, no manipulation.
Finally, when I thought my body would crumble under the stress alone, she turned. She faced the bed, and I only got her profile, but she was biting her lip. What did that mean? Was she just thinking? Thinking of a way to get out of it?
Then, slowly, like the sunrise peeking over the horizon, she smiled.
She snapped the box closed.
She didn’t scream. She didn’t run. She didn’t faint.
There might have been a little crying.
But mostly… she danced.
She swayed and jumped and smiled the same way she had when the cast list was posted for Phaedra. She lost herself the same way she did after opening night, right before we made love for the first time.
Maybe I didn’t have to wait a few months after all.
She said she wanted my best line tomorrow after the show, and now I knew what it was going to be.
Acknowledgements
Writing this book was nothing short of a whirlwind. I got the idea, and it was different than anything else I’d written before. My sister encouraged me to write it, and then in only a matter of weeks, I had a first draft. Deciding to self-publish was a similarly quick and chaotic affair. Through it all, I have quite a few people to thank.
First, I have to thank my Mother, who instilled in me a love of books. Thank you for being my teacher and my friend. Thank you for proof-reading pretty much everything I write. Thank you for always believing that I was gifted enough to make my dreams come true. To my Dad, I know my choices stress you out. We’ve argued about a lot of them, but you are always there when I need you. This was no different, so thank you! To my sisters, thank you for loving books with me, for listening to me blather on about my ideas, for being enthusiastic about my work when I am unsure, and for putting up with the windmill. I love you.
Thank you to Lindsay and Michelle, my first readers. I don’t think I would have ever finished this book if you two hadn’t loved it as much as you did. Thanks to Ana for being my cheerleader. You know I’ll always return the favor. And thank you to Heather for answering my plethora of self-pub questions.
And last, but certainly not least, thank you for reading! Thank you to the bloggers who helped spread the word, the girls at YA Sisterhood especially. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you!
About the Author
Cora Carmack is a twenty-something writer who likes to write about twenty-something characters. She’s done a multitude of things in her life-- boring jobs (like working at Target), Fun jobs (like working in a theatre), stressful jobs (like teaching), and dream jobs (like writing). She loves theatre, travel, and anything that makes her laugh. She enjoys placing her characters in the most awkward situations possible, and then trying to help them get a boyfriend out of it. Awkward people need love, too.
Follow her on twitter @CoraCarmack
Visit her blog (http://coracarmack.blogspot.com) for updates about future awkward romances!