It conveniently so happened that the mailing department at the studio was just then the center of a lot of gay activity, and had several attractive messenger boys. One of these was having an affair with Helmut Dantine. They were very discreet about it; they had to be––it was risky for an important actor to get involved like this, right under the noses of the front office. Helmut Dantine’s messenger was a nice boy, not much to look at, actually, but lively and full of Jewish fun. Christopher got to know him, and he helped Christopher get acquainted with a boy named Steve, whom he fancied.
Steve was dark and pale, with a long bony El Greco type of face.
He was altogether an admirable and lovable character, both physically and morally courageous, lively, amusing, honest and capable of strong affection. If he had found an absorbing interest in life he might have achieved something; as it was, he just plodded along from job to job. He did have some ambition to become an actor, but it wasn’t strong enough, and he was too small and slight for leading roles, also a bit queeny in his manner. Denny, who rather liked him, pronounced the verdict: “I think he’s quite beautiful, but let’s face it, he’ll always be a department-store queen.”
Steve had changed his name, probably for show-biz reasons [. . .].
He called himself Steve Conway at the time Christopher met him.
Later, he called himself [something else].
Steve and Christopher had supper together on May 25. This was their first date, I think. Steve told Christopher about his life in Las Vegas, before he came to Los Angeles; he had worked in one of the casinos, and also, as I seem to remember, on a ranch; he loved riding horses. At that time, he was studying acting with some local group, and working on the part of Branwell Brontë in a play called Moor Born, which contained the unsayable line, “You are moor born.” He ¾ 1945 ¾
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and Christopher used to repeat this over and over, but it always sounded absurd.1
Collier, Steve and Christopher all enjoyed the dramatic aspects of this affair, from their different viewpoints. Collier found it thrillingly Proustian to look out of his office window and watch the discreet flirtations of the messenger boys––the glances and conspiratorial exchanges of dialogue––which Christopher had now taught him to observe and interpret. For him, it was like the discovery of a secret society; he was now prepared to believe that nearly the entire studio was queer. As for Steve, he certainly loved walking briskly into Christopher’s office with a big envelope in his hand and telling Christopher’s secretary, “These are for Mr. Isherwood to sign, they said for me to wait, they want them back right away”––which was Christopher’s cue to shout from the inner office (grumpily, as if interrupted in his work), “Okay, tell him to bring them in here.”
Then Steve would come in, closing the door behind him, whisper,
“Hello, darling,” kiss Christopher a few times, whisper, “See you this evening,” and make a brisk exit past the secretary, flourishing the envelope with its dummy contents. . . . Christopher enjoyed this playacting too, of course––but probably not as much as Steve did.
Steve was quite shameless, in word and in deed. Christopher realized this was admirable but it embarrassed him.
If they went to bed together that first night, it must have been at Steve’s apartment. Otherwise, they had no place to go but Denny’s, and they didn’t visit him together until May 29. Perhaps they drove up into the hills and made love in Christopher’s newly acquired car.
This was a Packard convertible, old and noisy but still very sturdy, which had recently been given him by Yogi (Mr. Brown), Yogini’s husband. Yogi no longer needed the Packard because he had just bought himself a new car. (I think that he and Yogini had already decided to separate––that is, to accept the fact that Yogini really was a nun.) The first mention of the Packard in the day-to-day diary is on May 19.
1 Moor Born is a play by Dan Totheroh, first performed in New York in 1934.
It must have remained a favorite piece for amateur actors all these years, for when I asked about it at the Samuel French library today ( January 13, 1972) they recognized the name at once and produced a copy.
BRANWELL: I didn’t want to go to my grave unsung . . . obscure . . . a nobody. . . . It’s too late now . . . too late for me.
EMILY: Perhaps not too late. Strange things can happen to you, for you are moor born, Branwell. Yes . . . moor born . . . and what the moors took from you, they may return.
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Lost Years
On May 28, Christopher stopped working at Warner’s for one
week. I believe that this break marked Christopher’s switchover from Henry Blanke and The Woman in White to Wolfgang Reinhardt and Up at the Villa. I have an impression (but a very dim one) that Christopher felt that Blanke was dissatisfied with his work, but maybe not. Somehow, I don’t believe the script they had worked on was finished. I don’t know if Blanke dropped the project at that time, or hired another writer.1
Christopher spent most of his holiday week staying with Denny.
Steve joined him on the 29th and left early on the morning of the 31st––he must have taken two days off from work.
June 2: “Bill Caskey’s birthday party at Jay’s.”
This is the first mention of Caskey in the day-to-day diary, but Christopher must certainly have met him weeks or even months
earlier. This was another case in which Denny had played Satan
––daring Christopher to start an affair with someone. When Caskey and his friend Hayden Lewis first showed up in the Canyon, Denny had told Christopher that Caskey had been the boyfriend of “a rich old man” (Len Hanna) and that he had been so disgusted by this affair that he had made a vow never again to go to bed with anyone older than himself. No doubt Denny had told Christopher this in such a way as to challenge Christopher’s middle-aged vanity. Anyhow, Christopher had met Caskey and had found him attractive, but
hadn’t done much about it. They had talked at parties and gone for walks together on the beach; that was all.
Meanwhile, Jay Laval had done something about Caskey. They
had been to bed together––which meant that Caskey had broken his vow––and now Jay was giving Caskey a party for his (twenty-fourth) birthday. This party made the affair official, from Jay’s point of view; he was very possessive and unwisely apt to display his new conquests to his friends. No doubt it was the party which aroused Denny’s spirit of mischief; he must have egged Christopher on to make a pass at Caskey. That afternoon, Christopher was going shopping and he asked Caskey to come along for the ride. They went into a clothing store and Christopher bought Caskey a shirt, as a birthday present. At the party, Jay drank a lot and fell asleep, as he often did. Christopher returned from the party to Denny’s apartment and told Denny that Caskey had promised to follow him as soon as he could get away.
1 The Woman in White was finally made and released in 1948, with Henry Blanke credited as its producer. Stephen Morehouse Avery got sole credit as its writer.
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Denny bet Christopher that Caskey wouldn’t show up––but he
probably wasn’t either surprised or displeased when they heard the sound of Caskey’s sneakers bounding up the staircase. Christopher, of course, was grinning with gratified vanity from ear to ear.
Caskey and Christopher spent the night together and found themselves sexually compatible; Christopher came in Caskey’s mouth, which he was very seldom able to do with anyone. But this didn’t lead to instant infatuation––for, according to the day-to-day diary, they didn’t see each other again for a week. Jay was very cross and hurt, when he discovered what had happened. He accused Caskey of ingratitude, feeling that the guest of honor at a birthday party ought to stay in his host’s bed––even if the host has passed out. As for Christopher, Jay said that his behavior was “hardly what I should have expected, after all his talk about Ramakrishna.” But Jay didn’t bear grudges; he was basically very good-natured. There was a peace meeting, apologies were made, drinks were drunk, Jay soon found another boy and he, Caskey and Christopher became good friends again.