He nodded. “As I heard you.”
“It would have been so easy to walk through that door,” she admitted. “To just go to sleep and not wake up.”
And there had been something else, a figure…wasn’t there? Or was that just part of the stress and pain?
“We make the hard choice to survive,” Matthias said. “Death is easy. Living is difficult.”
She kissed him. They made love again, slowly, tenderly. As he slipped inside her, he kissed her, whispering her name over and over.
She stroked his back, meeting his slow thrusts with a gentle roll of her hips. He buried his face against her neck, and she whispered to him, “Matthias, my love.”
He moaned, climaxed, and lay still.
Taz wrapped her legs around his, her arms around him, holding him, not wanting to let go.
Exhausted, they slept.
Chapter Thirty-Two
They ventured out later that night, past midnight. The park was quiet, shrouded in darkness. No lights on in any cabins, and the moon played peekaboo behind the clouds.
They’d waited until late to do this, the guards keeping an eye on Rafe’s movements while Matthias and Taz rested up.
They didn’t want any witnesses.
Albert and Robertson met them at the corner of the cabin, and the sword briefly flashed in the moonlight. Taz held out her hand for it. Albert looked to Matthias. He nodded, and Albert passed it to her.
She hefted the sword. It felt unwieldy in her hands, but she could manage it for what she had to do.
This is my mess, and I have to take care of it.
She still didn’t know how she’d tell Matthias what happened between her and Rafe, but she knew it was her fault. In the pit of her stomach, she knew the repercussions were worse than she ever imagined.
They followed her across the compound to Rafe’s cabin on the edge of the woods. She knocked.
Rafe didn’t turn on the light, but they all heard him get up. Finally, he came to the door.
He stared at them for a moment. “I’m glad to see you’re okay.”
Matthias watched as Taz closed her eyes. They all felt her reach out, not gently, walking through Rafe’s mental barriers as if they weren’t there. She opened her eyes and fixed Rafe—the daemon pulverem using Rafe’s form—with her gaze. She touched him with her mind and knew the truth.
It wasn’t him.
When she spoke, her voice sounded hard and cold.
“You’re not Rafael.”
“What?”
Matthias reached out. She held the creature’s mind captive, forcing it open and giving Matthias access. Was there any end to her powers? With her gaze on it, the daemon pulverem couldn’t move. She was right—it wasn’t Rafael. Matthias searched and found what he needed.
“I have it, Taz,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “You can do it. We’re done here.”
She nodded and hefted the sword. “This is for Rafael,” she sobbed, and ran it through him.
The daemon pulverem exploded, the dust settling on the doorstep.
They found Rafe’s body hidden in the woods several yards behind his cabin. The marks she’d seen that morning in the gravel were made by his heels when the creatures dragged his body out.
Matthias tried to get Taz to return to their cabin, but she insisted on watching the Stooges retrieve him. They carefully shrouded him in a blanket and gently loaded him into one of the Land Rovers. Before they left, she pulled the blanket from his face.
Rafe looked peaceful, at rest. And she felt empty, like a piece of her was now dead, too. Despite the reasons behind what she’d done, she hoped she’d given him some pleasure before he died.
Taz didn’t know how they killed him. She didn’t want to know. Whatever they’d done, it was soon after she’d left him. She knew that from what she saw in the daemon pulverem’s mind. She remembered giving Rafe release and withdrawing, wondering now if she left some vital defense unguarded by handling him so roughly.
And she wondered if the bad dreams she had later foretold his death.
Taz closed her eyes and silently wept, apologizing though she knew he was beyond the realm of even her considerable reach.
I’m so sorry, Rafe. I didn’t know this would happen. I’m so, so sorry.
Matthias’ words in the cafe in Gardiner haunted her.
“What you and I can do can literally kill people or get people killed.”
Even though she knew she didn’t kill Rafe, she still felt responsible. He was here to help her and Matthias. He’d been distracted, his guard down, because of games she played because she was pissed at Matthias.
Because she’d been an immature brat. And it hurt. She’d never hurt so bad. The guilt, the pain—this was her fault.
“It’s okay, Taz…”
Now if she could just get that phantom voice out of her head.
She found Rafael’s right hand. He still wore his ring. The daemon pulverem wasn’t able to reproduce it exactly when he imitated Rafe. And the creature didn’t know about Rafe’s nervous tic.
It slid off without resistance.
She slipped it on her right hand, and it fit, cool, but soon warming to her flesh. He had a thinner build than Matthias, his fingers about the same size as her own. The yellow stone winked at her in the moonlight, and she looked at Rafe.
I love you, Rafe. I don’t know why, but I do. I’ll never forget you. I wish I could have given you that chance. I’ll look for you first in our next life. I promise you have dibs. I don’t know how, but I will.
Anastazia touched his hand, his flesh cold, and tucked it under the blanket. She kissed her fingers and touched them to his lips, remembering their kiss on the boardwalk, their dinner, and how much they shared in such a short amount of time.
Taz felt Matthias’ hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault.” His voice sounded hoarse, full of barely restrained grief. Matthias put an arm around her, and with his free hand replaced the blanket over Rafe’s face. “You didn’t kill him.”
“I feel like I did,” she whispered, her voice breaking.
“No, you didn’t. The daemon pulverem killed him, and whoever is responsible for sending them. Not you. He was much, much older than you and very powerful. He knew the risks, knew how to protect himself.”
She tried to protest then sent him her thoughts. Showed him what she did to Rafe the night before, too ashamed to speak it out loud.
His voice interrupted her. “Anastazia. Listen to me. You are my love, my one and only love, and you are not responsible for this.”
How could Matthias not hate her? Not only that, still love her? It amazed her, and again Taz wondered if he loved her because he wanted her or because she wanted him to.
Then he kissed her, and she felt Matthias inside her mind, gently seeking, probing. She let him, opening to him in her grief, baring herself. She might be more powerful, but he was more experienced. She wanted him in there now, wanted him to have his way.
“My love…”
She realized there was a way. Rafael had told her.
“Please do it, Matthias. Make it stop hurting. Mark me.”
She felt his mind caressing hers and wanted him to be the only one able to touch her thoughts like this. She never wanted to be the cause of another innocent’s death. She wanted the pain to go away, even at the risk of her own life.
She would rather die than hurt like this. Now she understood what Rafe meant about pain. She wasn’t responsible for her parents’ death. That had hurt, but that was a dull ache compared to this agony.