“Yes, there’s something she never told you,” they said, dragging it out.
Alan waited, lips clenched.
“She has a doctorate in economics.”
“Assholes.”
“What. Aren’t you happy? She turned out to be even better than we thought.”
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”
Feeling guilty and wanting to make up for having snooped, they told him they’d throw him and Ruth a party to celebrate the fact that their snooping hadn’t turned up anything negative and that Ruth was not a bad soulmate so far.
The party took place at the home of one of Ray’s clients, who was glad to lend his ground-floor duplex to the founder of Chock Full O’Nuts, for a celebration at which he was hoping to meet some good romantic matches.
Alan searched for his model soulmate at the party. She’d left his side soon after they’d arrived together. He found her on the second-floor balcony, sitting on the balustrade, looking down at the garden. When Alan approached her, he saw that she was gazing down, specifically, at Roland, who was standing alone with a glass of white wine, facing the potted trees. Every time Alan saw his soulmate staring at Roland, his gut hurt. He could already see it coming: roaming interest, flirtation, infidelity. He didn’t want to go through that again.
In fact, Ruth did not have those specific impure thoughts or disloyal intentions. She was only marveling at that thing she and Roland had in common, which was visible only to her. Having things in common naturally increases people’s interest in one another. That interest is not necessarily, or even usually, romantic. Just basic human interest. The more significant that thing which people have in common is, the more intense the interest is likely to be. Therefore, Ruth’s degree of interest in Roland was perfectly continent and respectable considering that what they had in common was murder.
Ruth sensed that Alan was feeling jealous. She wished she could reassure him. With time, he’d understand she was a faithful person. If he knew she’d killed her ex and her sister, he’d probably be even more worried, but there was no need for him to be concerned about that either. His life would not be in danger as long as he didn’t annoy her with (a) self-contradictions, (b) lack of logic, (c) an inability to hold his side of an argument, or (d) other irritants.
She told Alan she was going to get another drink and left his side.
In another corner of the party, Roland approached Lynn. “Have you noticed how Alan’s girlfriend doesn’t stop staring at me?”
“No,” Lynn said, even though she had.
“She wants me,” he said, looking at Ruth, who was now staring at him while standing near the drinks table, chatting with Ray.
“Well, you shouldn’t stare back,” Lynn said.
“Why not? She’s hot for me. I may do a lot more than stare back.”
Lynn looked at him sternly. “Just because things didn’t work out for you and Victoria doesn’t mean you should spoil things for Alan. You should wish him well.”
“I do wish him well. That is why I want to test Ruth’s fidelity. To make sure she won’t cheat on him.”
“I don’t want to hear about this,” Lynn said, and went to talk to Alan, who was near the staircase, alone, stirring his drink morosely.
“Congratulations on your relationship. I’m really happy for you,” Lynn said to Alan.
He smiled faintly.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
After a moment, Alan said, “Have you noticed how much she looks at Roland?”
“Maybe a little bit.”
“Maybe she doesn’t believe in monogamy. She may be just like your ex, only less honest about it.”
Lynn took Alan’s arm and said to him sincerely, “I wish you the best, but if the best doesn’t happen, the good still can. With someone else or just with friends. And the good isn’t so bad.”
Alan looked unconvinced, so Lynn went on. “I don’t believe that finding a great love is guaranteed for everyone. I hope I’ll find one, but I may not. And who knows, you may not either. But there are other things that are good. Friendships, relationships that are supportive and comforting and fun, even if they’re not romantic or passionate. And you can find passion in other areas. No matter what happens between you and Ruth, you can count on me, on Ray, on your other friends to support you if you need us.”
Alan nodded, too moved to answer.
Roland joined them. “Hey, your girlfriend keeps staring at me. Have you noticed?”
Alan turned red. “No, I haven’t noticed.”
“Yeah, right. Aren’t you afraid she’ll cheat on you? Kind of like Jessica did?”
Alan gazed at the triumphant banner strung across the ceiling, on which Ray had written “Not-A-Bad-Soulmate Party.” Alan tried not to feel mocked by it. At that moment, he realized he had two choices.
He could expect the best and be rewarded by a long and happy life with his soulmate, who would love him with all his faults, forever, no matter what.
Or he could give in to his jealousy and negative thoughts, lose his girlfriend — the best thing that had ever happened to him — fall into a downward spiral, and perhaps even become suicidal again.
No.
He would not be defeated. He was victorious. He had everything he wanted and was determined to enjoy a long life of happiness with Ruth. Roland, Lynn, and Ray had tried to find something bad about her, but it seemed there was nothing bad to be found. She was a good soulmate, his soulmate. He would not let his paranoia ruin everything. Ruth was faithful. She loved him. She was not yearning for Roland.
Alan finally answered, “No. I love Ruth, and I trust her. I think only good things of her.”
“That’s great!” Roland said. “People say that attitude can really make a difference in how things turn out. You’re harnessing the great American power of positive thinking!”
“Yes. I’ll give it a shot. What have I got to lose? It can’t hurt.”
They gazed at him.
He added, “I know I’ll be extremely happy with Ruth. I’m really looking forward to growing old with her.”
His positive outlook seemed to suffuse the room with a rose tint. Lynn and Roland were feeling more optimistic about their own lives. They left Alan’s side and mingled with the party.
Alan felt better, too.
Ruth brought him a refill of his Bloody Mary. They chatted intimately, commented playfully on the other guests. They were having a good time. Things were already lighter between them, less strained than at the start of the evening. His positive attitude really was working! If he stuck to it, Ruth would be more likely to stick to him. He wouldn’t have to be single, ever again, looking for a new love, as Lynn and Roland were doing. He would try his best to stay on the positive path and wouldn’t let small things, like Ruth’s glances at Roland, bother him. She was so wonderful in so many ways.
Alan was right. His girlfriend had many wonderful qualities. She was intelligent, beautiful, faithful, supportive, protective, fun, funny, warm, athletic, artistic, cultivated, generous, logical, consistent, and nature-loving. Being evil was her only fault.
LA FIN
Acknowledgments
For her brilliant insights and constant encouragement, I am especially grateful to my mother, Sondra Peterson.
For their valuable support and advice, I thank my agent, Melanie Jackson; my editor, Diane Reverand; Priscilla Cohen; Martine Bellen; Mark Woods; Mark Gimpel; Walter Biggs; Richard Stahnke; Jim Horowitz; Barbara Scrupski; and, as always, my father, Daniel, and my brother, Craig.
I would also like to extend a special thank-you to Randy Dwenger, Jennifer Cohen, Shelley Griffin, Lee Klein, Catherine Cusset, J. B. Miller, Ben Neihart, Heather Chase, Ken Foster, David Smith, and, most of all, the ever-inspiring Richard Hine.