“What are you doing?” I asked, panicking slightly as he marched tense-jawed toward my closet.
“Taking you to bed.”
“I told you that I don’t wish for you to bed me.” “I heard you the first time,” he said, his voice sounding rough and harsh.
He shoved open the flimsy door and dropped me onto the pallet.
“I’m serious. I don’t want to hurt you again, but I will defend myself if you make me.” He dropped down onto his knees. “I don’t bed silver dragons.” “Then what—”
“I’m just going to reciprocate.”
I frowned as he pushed my feet apart in order to move between them. “Reciprocate what?” His face lost its tense look as he suddenly grinned at me. “Bliss.”
Chapter Five
Bliss. What a lovely word it was. I lay on the bed and stared up at the shimmers from a streetlight dappling the ceiling of my room, listening to the faint sounds of London traffic, sounds that were muted by the fact that the house had exceptionally good windows, and by the time of night. It was two in the morning — deep night, someone had once called it.
I frowned. “Now where did I hear that?” A sliver of light pierced the darkness of the room as the door opened a tiny bit. “Are you awake?” “Unfortunately, yes.”
Kaawa opened the door wider and gave me an inquisitive look. “I was passing your room a short while ago and heard you call out. I thought perhaps you were having a nightmare. Would you like some company?” “So long as you don’t mind being shut up with a nutcase, sure,” I answered, pulling myself up to a sitting position. I clicked on the bedside lamp and watched as she hauled an armchair a little closer to the bed.
“That’s a lovely caftan,” I said, admiring the black and silver African batik animals on it.
“Thank you. My daughter sent it to me. She lives in Kenya, on an animal preserve. Why do you think you are a nutcase?” I looked back up at the ceiling for a minute, debating whether or not I wanted to talk about the fear that was eating away at me. Kaawa seemed nice and motherly, but I didn’t really know her.
Then again, there weren’t too many people I did remember knowing.
“I think I might be mentally unstable,” I said at last, watching her to see if she looked at all frightened of me.
She didn’t look anything but mildly interested. “Because of the memory loss?” “No. I think I might be schizophrenic. Or suffering from multiple personalities. Or some other mental disorder like that.” “You are having dreams,” she said, nodding just as if she understood. “Dreams of your past.” “I’m having dreams, yes, but it can’t be my past. I’m not a dragon. I’m human. Evidently mentally unstable, but human.” She was silent for a moment. “Struggling against yourself is not making the situation any easier, you know.” “I’m not struggling against myself. I’m trying to hold on to my sanity. Look, I know what you think, what everyone thinks. But if you were in my place, wouldn’t you know if you weren’t human?” “Do you think humans have dreams of their past life as a dragon?” she asked with maddening calm.
“The only reason I’m having those dreams is because you people put it in my mind!” I said, my voice tinged with desperation.
She shook her head slowly. “It was a dream that brought you out of the month-long sleep, was it not?” I looked at my hands lying clenched tight on the bed cover. “Yes.” “Child.” She laid her hand on my arm. “The dragon inside of you wishes to be woken, whether you desire that or not. I will admit that you appear human to me, and I do not know how it can be that you have changed thusly, but deny it though you may, you are Ysolde de Bouchier, and you will not be calm in your mind until you accept that.” “Calm in my mind? At this point, I can’t even conceive of what that’s like.” I took a deep breath, trying to keep from going stark raving mad. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be the biggest drama queen there ever was, but you have to admit that this whole situation is enough to drive a girl bonkers.” “It is a test, yes,” she agreed in that same soothing voice.
I just wanted to shriek. Instead, I took another deep breath. “OK, let’s go into the land of totally bizarre, and say you’re right. I’m a dragon magically reincarnated—” “Not reincarnated — resurrected,” she corrected me.
“What’s the difference?”
“I am reincarnated — when my physical form has run its appointed time, I retreat into the dreaming and await a new form. I am born again, remembering all that has passed before, but with a new body. That is reincarnated. Resurrection is the bringing back to life of that which was dead.” I took a third deep breath. It’s a wonder there was any air left in the room. “That’s cool. You’re reincarnated. I’m resurrected. We’ll just move past that and get to the meat of my argument — if I’m a dragon, why don’t I like gold? Why can’t I breathe fire? Why can’t I turn into great big scary animal shapes?” “Because the dragon in you has not woken yet. I think…” She paused, her gaze turned inward. “I think it is waiting.” “Waiting for what?”
“I don’t know. That is something you will find out when the time is appropriate. Until then, you must stop fighting the dragon inside you. The dreams you have, they are about your past, are they not?” I looked away, feeling my cheeks grow hot as I remembered the highly erotic dream I’d just had. “They concern someone named Ysolde, and a man named Baltic.” “As I expected. The dragon part of you wants you to remember,” she said, patting my hand as she rose. “It wants you to accept your past in order to deal with the present.” “Well, the dragon part can just go take a flying leap off the side of a mountain, because I want my life to go back to what it was.” “I don’t think that’s possible. It has stirred. It wishes for you to remember. It is time, Ysolde.” “Cow cookies!” I snapped. “No one tells me what to do. Well, Dr. Kostich does, but that’s fully within the bounds of my apprenticeship. And he doesn’t give me erotic dreams!” “Erotic dreams?” Kaawa asked, a little smile on her lips.
I blushed again, damning my mouth for speaking inappropriately again. “I don’t really think the type of dream matters as much as the fact that my mind is cracking.” “Your mind is doing nothing of the sort. Allow the dragon side to speak to you, and I think you will find your way through this trying time,” she said from the door. She hesitated a few seconds, then added, “This is truly none of my business, but I have prided myself on my knowledge of history of dragonkin, and I admit to being very curious about this… When you and Baltic met — did he offer to make you his mate right away, or did that come after Constantine Norka claimed you?” I blinked in surprise, then gave a rueful chuckle. “Assuming the dreams are not a figment of my warped mind, then no, Baltic did not ask me to be his mate when we met. Quite the contrary. He came very close to killing me, and later told me he would never bed a silver dragon.” “Fascinating,” she said, looking thoughtful. “Absolutely fascinating. I had no idea. Sleep well, Ysolde.” “Tully,” I said sadly, but it was said to the door as she closed it.
“You look horrible,” the fruit of my loins told me six hours later as I found the dining room. Brom was seated behind a bowl of oatmeal, a plate heaped high with eggs, potatoes, and three pieces of jam-covered toast waiting next to him.
“Thank you,” I said, dropping a kiss on his head before taking a cup off the sideboard. “And I hope you’re planning on eating all of that. You know how I feel about wasting food.” “That’s just ’cause Gareth makes such a big fuss over money,” Brom said, turning to May, who sat at the end of the table with a cup of coffee in front of her. “He’s a tightwad.” “Quite possibly the fact that you eat like a horse has influenced his lectures regarding economy,” I said, giving him a meaningful look. I lifted the lid to a silver carafe and peered in. It held coffee.