“I can’t stand her,” she says. She doesn’t take a bite of the apple; she just tosses it back and forth between her hands. I’d never seen angry juggling before. Now I have. “I hope she falls on her stupid pretty face tomorrow.”
“Jeez,” I mutter. I snatch the apple from her, mid-toss, and bite it. “I thought I was supposed to be the angry one. I mean, she did steal my guy.”
“I know. That’s part of it. But she’s just so . . . ugh!” She actually stomps her foot, her hands balled into fists. “She’s so condescending and entitled and I hate her.”
“Calm down, angry little pixie girl,” I say. I hand her the apple, making sure the bite mark is facing her. She snorts with laughter when she takes it back.
“Thanks,” she mutters. “Sorry. I should be comforting you. Do you need comforting?”
“I’m okay,” I say. It’s easier than admitting that I feel like crap.
“Liar.”
I roll my eyes and look toward the tent.
“I don’t know,” I say after a pause. It’s clear she’s not letting me off the hook. “I just feel lame, you know? Like, I should have been up there with him. Them. I meant them. I should have been performing with the rest of the trapeze group, and instead, here I am, waiting on the ground.”
“With me,” Riley states. She sounds a little angry, and not from Megan. I look to her.
“Yeah,” I say. “And I’m grateful for it.”
“Listen, I know you’re angry you aren’t doing flying trapeze with Branden. I know you feel like a failure. But you’re still doing something really cool with someone who thinks you’re really cool, and she would appreciate it if you stopped treating the act like it was a chore.”
I bite my lip. “Sorry. I do enjoy it. It’s just not what I expected when I came here.”
“That’s life,” she says. “You just gotta roll with it. If you’re meant to do flying trapeze, you will. There’s always a second chance.”
“I hope so.”
“In the meantime,” she says, looping an arm around my shoulder, “stop acting like doing a routine with me is so horrible. You’re starting to make me feel bad about teaching you in the first place.”
“Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. This is showbiz, and you know the first rule of showbiz.”
“Er . . .”
“Keep smiling,” she says, and drags me back toward the tent.
• • •
My hands are shaking as we wait backstage with the rest of the juggling group. Even Riley looks a little nervous—her usual grin is gone, and there’s a furrow to her brow. I wonder if she’s mentally going through our duo act or her solo routine for the grand finale—I wonder if part of her concentration is trying to figure out ways to cover my potential screwups. The area back here is tiny—just a small hall between the curtain and the back tent flap—and the heavy air is thick with anticipation.
Finally the music starts, and we burst through the curtain and into the ring.
Much like during the talent show, the moment I’m onstage, all the fear vanishes. The routine comes naturally—we dance into the middle of the ring, and Riley and I begin our complicated duo routine. Even though we’ve only practiced this a few times, the moves come out of habit, like I’ve somehow become a well-oiled circus machine. We toss and spin and catch, all perfectly in time to the upbeat music, while the rest of the jugglers do their own acts around us. I can practically feel the energy in the room amp up as the routine goes on.
When Riley and I do our final move and pose, the tent erupts into applause. We all stand there, sweating and breathing hard, soaking up the praise.
“Very nice!” Olga shouts, stepping into the ring. “That was a perfect performance. I don’t think I have any notes, do you?” She turns to our juggling coaches, who both shake their heads, huge grins on their faces. “Well then,” Olga continues, “let’s move on to the next act.”
We jugglers bow, then run back through the curtain.
“That was amazing!” I yell the moment we’re outside the tent. The air is cool and the sun is bright—everything feels alive. Suddenly my depression from before and envy over Branden and the contortionists is gone. It’s hard to feel down when pumped with this much adrenaline.
Riley runs over and wraps me in a hug. “You were amazing,” she says. “I told you that you were made for the stage.”
I step back and keep my hands on her shoulders.
“Thanks,” I say. “Thanks for believing in me.”
“Always,” she replies. Her smile is huge. “Now I just need to get you to really believe in yourself.”
I nod my head. “Working on it.” And we head back into the tent to watch the rest of the acts.
Chapter
Twenty-Four
It’s almost impossible to pay attention to the rest of the acts. The performance high is so powerful, I don’t even feel the slightest hint of anger when Megan glares at me from her seat. Branden is still sitting next to his acro group, but I do notice him glance over to me now and again. My heart flips every time, but I let it go. I’m not going to let my interest in him ruin this moment.
After the individual groups run their routines and figure out entrance and exit transitions, the entire troupe goes back onstage to block out the finale. It’s supposed to be high energy, so we are all coming out doing partner and solo bits before finishing with one large human pyramid. I’m doing some solo juggling right beside Tyler and Kevin, who are doing an abbreviated hand-to-hand routine. Performing beside them makes me feel even more talented—they’re both so good, so strong and graceful, that I feel it rub off on me just by being near. Even sharing the stage with the Twisted Triplets makes me feel a small note of pride; this finale is about sharing the playing field, everyone on the same level. It means we’re all just as good as the other performers.
I glance at Branden during the final pose. Of course, being onstage with him means trying to convince myself that we’re on the same level as well, that he’s not out of my league. You’re going to the dance with Luke, I remind myself, and bring my focus back to the choreography.
When practice is over, I feel both exhausted and energized. I don’t think I’ve ever worked so much in my life, but I also don’t think I’ve ever felt so fulfilled by the process.
Riley and Tyler and Kevin head back toward the cafeteria immediately after. My stomach rumbles, but I need to put away some juggling equipment before heading in for the night. After all, the dance is later—there won’t be any more practice for the rest of the day. I head toward the juggling tent and store the props in one of the multiple steamer trunks.
“Hey,” comes a voice behind me. My heart stops with the slam of a trunk lid. It’s Branden.
“Hey,” I say. I stand and turn, slowly. I don’t really want to be in the same tent as him, mainly because I feel like there’s way too much left unsaid between us. And I don’t really want to start now.
“I really liked your act,” he says. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his gym shorts, and he refuses to meet my gaze. For some reason, this makes me stand up straighter. I don’t want to feel like I’m the needy one, not anymore, and I’m trying to convince myself that if I stand tall, I’ll feel tall.
“Thanks,” I reply. I don’t move toward the exit, even though I really wish I could. The warm air in here feels a little too close, a little too suffocating. “You were really good too.”
“So I hear you’re going to the dance with Luke,” he says. It’s so off topic it’s like a blow to the gut. My mind reels as I try to form a fitting response.
“Yeah, well, he asked me,” I say, trying to instill the words with meaning: You were too busy making out with Megan. I was tired of waiting for you to man up.