I opened the front door of my sister’s house and proceeded inside. My Mother meet me in the in the hallway and I ran to her, pulling her in for a hug. She wrapped her comforting arms around me and spoke softly against my hair. “We have to be brave for Jacks now, darling. She needs us.”
I nodded my head in agreement and pulled out of her hug wiping my tears away. “Where is she?”
“She’s in her room. The doctors want her to rest as much as possible. They are trying to limit the stress on the baby.”
“Can I go see her?” I asked timidly.
“Yes of course, dear.” She gave me a small smile.
I knew Jamieson was still behind me. He had followed me into the house. I turned away from my mother and walked towards him.
“Thank you for bringing me home,” I told him quietly.
“You’re welcome.” He brushed a stray strand of hair out of my face.
“I’m going to go check in on Jacks,” I said at an attempt to let him know he was free to leave now.
“Good, I’m sure she will be glad to see you. I’ll be here when you’re done.”
“Jamieson—” I attempted but he immediately cut me off.
“I’m not leaving you, Jenna, not now.”
I didn’t want to argue with him so I just told him okay.
“Jamieson, why don’t you come help us entertain Libby.” My Mother spoke up from down the hallway. She had clearly been listening to our little exchange.
“I’ll be right there, Georgiana,” he said peering around me to flash my Mother a comforting smile.
“You don’t need to stay,” I tried again.
“Yes I do, now go check on your sister.” His tone left no room for argument as he turned and walked into the living room.
I took a deep breath and walked down the dark hallway to my sister’s bedroom.
“Jacks?” I whispered cracking the door slowly open.
She was lying on her side on the bed staring out the large window of the master bedroom. I watched as the large dogwood trees danced in the breeze.
“Jacks, can I come in?” I asked.
“Sure,” she answered unmoving.
I made my way around to the side of the large king bed and perched on the side next to her. She didn’t look at me; she just continued to stare out the window at the trees.
“Can I get you anything?” I asked her not sure what I should say or do. I had never seen my sister like this. She was totally zoned out.
“No,” she responded slowly.
“Do you want me to let you sleep?” I wasn’t sure my presence was really helping her.
She didn’t respond so I decided it was best to just sit with her. We sat there together in silence for a long time.
“What am I going to do, Jenna? How am I going to do this alone?” she finally asked.
“Oh Jacks, you’re not alone, honey. You have Mom, Dad and me. We will be here for you,” I tried to reassure her.
“I can’t do this on my own. I’m not strong enough. What am I going to do without him?” she said barely above a whisper and then I saw the tears run down her cheek.
I leaned over hugging her to me. “You are not alone. I am here Jacks, I will always be here. I love you.”
Jacks didn’t say anything more to me. She finally fell asleep while I sat next to her. When I was convinced she wouldn’t wake up for a while, I finally left her room.
When I closed the door to the bedroom I heard Libby’s soft giggles coming down the hall and my heart broke in two. My beautiful niece had no clue she had just lost her Daddy. I couldn’t even fathom how painful it was going to be to have to tell her.
I made my way toward the living room. When I got there, I saw Libby sitting at her play table in the corner and Jamieson next to her in a very small wooden chair.
“Do you want to come to my tea party on Sunday?” I heard Libby ask him.
“Yes I do,” he answered giving her a huge smile.
“Hey Libs!” I said faking my happiness.
“Aunt Enna!” she yelled and ran over to give me a huge hug.
“Where did my parents go?” I asked Jamieson.
Jamieson looked at me with concern. “They went to make arrangements. I told them I would stay with Libby and you.”
“Okay. I’m going to go make some coffee. Would you like some?” I asked him.
“Sure,” he said standing up to follow me to the kitchen.
“Enna can I watch cartoons?” Libby asked yanking on my jeans.
“You bet,” I told her, grabbing the remote and clicking it on for her. “We will be in the kitchen Libs.”
“Okay,” she said and took a seat on the couch watching her favorite show about princess’ and ponies.
I headed toward the kitchen and Jamieson joined me.
“How are you holding up?” he asked, analyzing me.
“Not good.” I told him honestly, choking back my tears.
“Is she awake?”
“No, she finally fell asleep.” I leaned against the kitchen counter out of exhaustion.
“How is she doing?”
“She’s devastated. She just keeps saying she can’t do this alone.” I stared passed him reliving my conversation with Jacks.
I didn’t notice Jamieson move closer to me but he had. He held out his arms and I conceded, willingly going into his warm embrace. He softly whispered soothing words running his fingers through my blonde hair.
“I’m so scared for her, Jamieson. I’m just so damn scared for her. She’s pregnant and her husband just died. How is she going to survive this?”
“She will, baby. Your sister is strong like you are. She will get through this; she will just need our help,” he cooed as he held me to him.
I hadn’t missed the fact that he included himself in helping my sister, which I was thankful for but also knew, was unrealistic. Things between him and I were still very much broken but right now I needed his comfort and strength to replenish me. I knew our time would come and I would have to admit that to him, but for right now I just ignored my nagging broken heart. Perhaps if I ignored it long enough it would just go away all on its own.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
An entire month passed and things had slowly started taking on a new normal. I moved in with Jacks and Libby to help out. I also started working full time at the farm to take over for my sister while she grieved the loss of her husband. The funeral was gut-wrenchingly hard. I was glad at least that was behind us. After that Jacks started coming out of her room more and interacting with others. This week she took Libby to school for the first time since the accident. She even came down to the barn today and watched me ride. She was making slow but steady progress and I couldn’t be more relieved.
My parents come by daily to check-in on us. My Mom makes it a point to take Libby for special outings a lot which has helped keep her mind off things. We also had one other consistent visitor. Jamieson has come out to the farm every day since the day we returned. I have tried my damndest to push him away but he refuses to go. Secretly I was glad he was around. Many times at night after Libby was asleep and Jacks had gone to her room I would confide in him about how difficult it had been. He would listen to me vent and cry always offering his support in any way he could. Other days, I would be cold to him—resentful at my need to have him around. It was on those days he would play and laugh with Libby giving me my complete space.
Jamieson knew what a tight-rope I was walking with my feelings regarding him and he was smart enough to allow me to work through them on my own time, but I knew that time was getting more limited by the day. I could tell lately he was growing impatient with me. I suspected there were things that he wanted to say but stopped himself given the situation.