“It wasn’t like I was deliberately keeping it from you. It just never came up.”
“You had at least a dozen opportunities in the last twenty minutes alone, Avi.”
“Oh yeah. Because screaming I’m a virgin at the top of my lungs while coming my brains out would be such a natural thing to do.”
“Damn it. Don’t make light of this. Do you have any idea the trouble this nearly caused?”
Apparently that was precisely the wrong thing to say.
She scrambled backward, her expression incendiary while she struggled into her dress. “I advise not saying another word to me. Not unless you’re looking forward to my foot up your ass.”
He wasn’t. Still, he couldn’t let her go off halfcocked and angry without explaining himself. “If I’d taken your virginity—”
“We’d be stuck with each other for life. Blah blah blah. Yes, I already know the spiel. Save your damn breath.”
“I’m doing you a favor, Avi. Why can’t that get through your stubborn skull? This isn’t a rejection of you.”
“Really? Because that’s exactly what it feels like from where I’m sitting.” Her eyes filled, the tenacious tears clinging to her lashes. “Did it occur to you that I love you despite all the baggage you bring along with you? All I’ve ever wanted is you. And you continuously break my heart.”
An unforgiving vise cinched his chest. She’d never come out and used the word love with him, but deep inside, he’d suspected what she felt went beyond a childhood crush. He ached to give her what she longed for, but his conscience refused to cave to the desire in his heart.
Love was an emotion that inevitably faded. Her life, all of the things she’d struggled to overcome and the new existence she’d ultimately built for herself, those were everlasting. He’d sooner die than see her lose any of it. And if she were with him, he’d only drag her back into the dark, seedy mire of a thief’s world. He had to protect her from that. From him.
He slumped on the edge of the bed, the weight of his actions a crushing force. He’d been the biggest fool to think this would work. There was no way in hell he could pull off this charade and keep his hands off her in the process. “I should never have involved you in any of this.” He dragged a hand through his hair, weary regret an anchor in his chest. “I’ll find another way to get inside the club.” Without Avi’s assistance, it would be damn difficult, but he couldn’t risk blowing this job by bringing her into something that was clearly out of her element.
The mattress springs squeaked, and the next instant she was standing in front of him, her face a dangerous shade of red and her body trembling with anger. “This is a whole new low for you. Throwing away my love and our partnership in this job.”
The hurt in her eyes was well deserved and only added to his conviction that he was the world’s biggest bastard. “We both know this plan won’t work. You’re a virgin, for gods’ sake. You know nothing of sex and what goes on inside of clubs like Rapture.” Bloody hell. What had she been thinking, insisting she could pull off the dominatrix act?
She did a damn fine job convincing you. Deliberately tuning out that disturbing reminder, he shoved up from the mattress. He scanned for his T-shirt before remembering it was still in the bathroom. He started for the door, but Avi’s stony expression stalled him short.
“Just because I haven’t technically done the deed doesn’t mean I can’t handle this job.”
The familiar stubbornness in her eyes instigated an ache in his brain. “Don’t make this into a challenge.”
“Then give me a chance to prove you’re wrong.”
“No.” Before she could plead her case further, he edged past her and strode to the bathroom. After yanking his shirt on, he returned to the living room and collected his jacket. Slinging the garment over his shoulder, he slid a glance toward the mouth of the hallway, where Avi stood glaring daggers at him. Despite the ferocious waves of pissy fury radiating from her, she’d never looked more beautiful and desirable. And off-limits.
A virgin. How was that remotely possible? Were all those men she’d dated throughout the years complete limp-dicked pansies? Gods knew if he didn’t have this curse hanging over his head, he’d have Avi beneath him and his cock lodged balls-deep inside her in zero seconds flat. A trickle of foreboding skipped down his spine, and he stared at her. “Why are you still a virgin?”
Her cheeks pinked again, but this time he suspected it had nothing to do with outraged fury. Unlocking her gaze from his, she transferred her focus to the floor. “Because I’d stupidly thought one day you might come to your senses.”
Sonofabitch. She’d been saving herself for him? “I’m not going to bind you to me. You deserve better than that.” Better than me. He left the remainder of his determination unspoken, but he felt the undeniable truth of it to the marrow of his bones.
She eyed him for an endless moment, the emotion in her heart starkly written upon the canvas of her face. “I will prove how wrong you are, Jer.”
She could have been speaking of his disbelief of her pulling off the dominatrix cover, or deserving better than him. Either way, both were challenges she was doomed to lose.
Chapter Ten
After a pitiable night’s sleep, Jerrick was no closer to devising an alternate plan for getting inside Club Rapture. Shelving that drawback for the time being, he focused on the details he did have control over. Namely, ferreting out all the info he could about the club and those who might have had contact with Casper Winston.
Fetching his micro com from his pocket, he punched the sync link for Hammond—his most trusted and reliable source when it came to intel. Scoping the patrons of the busy dining hall, Jerrick took a seat, his position at the rear of the noisy building awarding him relative privacy while also affording him the opportunity to keep an eagle eye on his surroundings. An old habit that died hard. Still, a thief didn’t last long in the trade if he wasn’t observant, as well as constantly within a few feet of a handy exit.
Hammond’s familiar cranky baritone boomed over the line. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“You can get your beauty sleep later. Right now, I need you to run intel on Club Rapture. The big players there, who runs the joint, all of it.”
“How fast do you need everything?”
“Deliver by eleven, and I’ll owe you big time.”
A grunt fell from Hammond. “Better believe you will.”
Once he’d secured the man’s surly promise to put a rush on the job, Jerrick disconnected and stuffed the com back in his pocket.
Margarethe, his favorite waitress, approached with a carafe of Jufferi and her ready smile. “Having your usual, handsome?”
He nodded. “And throw in an extra griddlecake.” His mind veered to Avi’s crack about him developing a spare tire. “On second thought, nix that last part. And no whipped cream.”
She raised an eyebrow but dutifully typed his order into her compu-pad. After topping his mug with the steaming Jufferi, she ventured to the neighboring table, leaving him to his solitude. He leaned back in his chair and stared at the vacant one across from him. Most days he reveled in his lone-wolf status. After the fiasco with Leena, it’d been easy to make the conscious decision to stay single. He wasn’t cut out for any life but this one, which meant that aloneness was a necessity. Still, there were days the void of companionship rested like a hollow chamber in his chest.
He knew with everything inside him that he did the right thing keeping his dick away from the temptation of Avi. But he’d be a filthy liar if he didn’t admit to wondering how different his life might be if he’d taken the gift of her virginity. Much as the thought of binding himself to anyone made him queasy, she was the one woman capable of changing him. The only one who made him long to be something better than what he was.