Standing over Tohr, John was having a difficult time keeping it together. Hard to know what was getting to him more: the fact that Wellsie was actually in the room with them again, or that Tohr was kneeling before that urn as if his legs weren’t working right.
The past couple of nights had been a brutal exercise in reorientation. It wasn’t that he hadn’t known Wellsie was gone; it was just… dismantling everything in that house had made that fact so loud, there was a constant screaming in his head.
Goddamn it, she was never going to know that he’d made it through his transition, or that he was a halfway decent fighter, or that he’d gotten mated. If he ever had a child of his own, she’d never hold it in her arms, or see a first birthday, or get to witness first steps or first words.
Her absence made his own life seem less full, and he had the awful feeling that that was always going to be true.
As Tohr bent his head, John went over and put his palm on the guy’s heavy shoulder, reminding himself that however hard this was for him, what Tohr was going through was a thousand times worse. Shit, though, the Brother had been strong, making all those out and safe decisions about everything from pairs of jeans to pots and pans, working steadily in spite of the fact that he had to be raw on the inside.
If John hadn’t respected the fuck out of the Brother before, he sure as hell did now—
“Vishous?” came a female voice down the hall.
John wrenched around. Xhex was here?
Tohr cleared his throat and pulled the velvet bag back into place. “Thanks, V. For taking such good care of her.”
“V? You got a minute?” Xhex called out. “I need to— Oh, shit.”
As she stopped herself, like she’d tweaked to the vibe in the bedroom from where she was out in front, Tohr got to his feet and nodded at John with a smile too generous to comprehend. “You’d best go to your female, son.”
John hesitated, but then V stepped up and put his arms around his brother, whispering low words.
Giving the males some privacy, John went down to the living room.
Xhex was not surprised to see him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”
It’s okay. His eyes went to the carrying case in her hand. What’s that?
Even though he knew… Holy shit, had she gotten the—
“That’s what we need to find out.”
In a sudden panic, he looked her over carefully, searching for signs of injury. There were none, though. She had gone in and come out in one piece.
John didn’t mean to do it, but he lunged forward and grabbed her hard, holding her against his body. As she embraced him in return, he felt the rifle case press into his back, and he was just… really fucking glad she was alive. So fucking glad—
Shit, he was tearing up.
“Shh, John, it’s okay. I’m safe. I’m all right.…”
While he shuddered, she held him with the strength and power in her body, keeping him together, blanketing him with exactly the kind of deep love that Tohr had lost.
Why some people were lucky and others were not seemed the cruelest kind of lottery.
When he finally pulled back, he mopped up his face and then signed, Will you come to Wellsie’s Fade ceremony?
There was no hesitation. “Absolutely.”
Tohr says he would like the two of us to do it together.
“Good, that’s good.”
At that moment, Vishous and Tohr came back out, and both Brothers immediately locked eyes on that case.
“You are fan-fucking-tastic,” V said with a kind of awe.
“Hold your ass-kissing—I haven’t opened it yet.” She held the thing out to the Brother. “Fingerprint lock. I need your help.”
V grinned in an evil way. “Far be it from me to not come to the aid of a lady. Let’s do this.”
As the pair of them took the gun case over to the kitchen counter, John pulled Tohr aside. Nodding at the velvet-covered urn, he signed, Do you need me any further tonight?
“No, son, you stay with your female—I’ve got to go out for a little bit, actually.” The guy stroked the velvet. “I’m going to put her in my room first, though.”
Yeah, okay. Cool.
Tohr hugged him hard and fast, and then went out the door into the tunnel.
From over in the kitchen, Xhex said, “How are you going to— Well, yeah, that’ll work.”
The smell of burning plastic had John twisting around. V had removed his glove and put his glowing forefinger up against the locking mechanism, acidic smoke rising from the contact in nasty curls of dark gray.
“My prints tend to do the job on just about anything,” the Brother said.
“Clearly,” Xhex murmured, her hands on her hips, her taut body bent forward. “You ever barbecue with that thing?”
“Only lessers—and they ain’t good eatin’.”
Staying back, John stared across the way and just… Well, he was just amazed at the female. Who the fuck did shit like this? Going into the B.o.B.’s secured hideout. Rifling through, looking for a rifle, natch. Coming back like she’d done nothing more incredible than order a Starbucks.
As if she sensed his eyes on her, she glanced over.
Opening himself up emotionally, so that there were no barriers at all, he revealed to her everything he was feeling—
“Got it,” V announced, retracting his glowing hand and regloving it.
Turning the gun case toward Xhex, the Brother said, “How’d you like to do the honors.”
Xhex refocused and cracked open what she had brought home, the mangled locking mechanism falling apart.
Inside, there were a pair of rifles nested in black egg-crate padding, along with long-range scopes.
“Bingo,” she breathed.
She’d done it, John thought. He was willing to bet his left nut that one of those guns was going to prove to be the rifle that shot Wrath.
She’d frickin’ done it.
From out of his gut, a massive groundswell of pride rose, warming his entire body, stretching his lips into a smile so wide his cheeks hurt. Staring at his female, and the mission-critical evidence she’d brought into the fold, he was willing to bet he threw shadows, he was beaming so much.
He was just so incredibly… proud.
“Pretty goddamn promising.” V closed up the case. “I’ve got the equipment we’re going to need at the clinic—along with that bullet. Let’s do this.”
“One minute.”
Xhex turned to John. Walked over to him. Took his face in her hands. As she stared up at him, he knew she was reading every bit of everything he had in him.
Rising up onto her tiptoes, she pressed her lips to his and spoke three words he hadn’t expected to hear again anytime soon.
“I love you.” She kissed him again. “I love you so much, my hellren.”
SIXTY-NINE
On the other side of the Hudson, down south from the Brotherhood compound, Autumn sat in the cabin in darkness, still occupying the same chair she’d settled into at the beginning of the night. She had long since willed the lights off, and the lack of illumination around her made the snow-covered landscape appear bright as day under the moon’s glow.
From her vantage point, the river was a wide, motionless expanse, even though it was iced in only at its shores.
From her vantage point, she had seen little of the view before her, having dwelled instead on the stages of her life.
Many hours had passed since Xhex had checked in with her, the moon shifting position, the black shadows thrown by the trees pinwheeling around over the white ground. In many ways, time had no meaning, but it did have an effect: The longer she spent mulling over things, the more clearly she saw herself, her earlier realizations no longer a shock, but instead something she steeped herself in.…