"They are not in the picture, no," I said. "That is because the picture doesn't show the whole area."
All of what wasn't said in every move of his-his insinuations, what he implied-I tried to answer by being as clear and controlled as possible.
Quickly, he pushed forward another photo. "This is exhibit number five, do you recognize that?"
"Yes, I do."
"That is the area where you were assaulted; is that right?"
"Yes, it is."
"Is there any lighting in that picture, any artificial lights?"
"No. I do not see any lighting and you could see the place, and you-there must be some light."
"The question is," he said, pressing in, "do you see any artificial lighting? Of course there are police lights flashing into the picture."
"I see no artificial lights," I said, "and it is only a picture of the stone, and there can't be lights in the stone," I said, looking up at him and at the rest of the court.
"That probably would be true." His lips curled. "About how much time would you say that you spent in that area?"
"I would say about an hour."
"About an hour?"
"A little bit more."
"I am sorry?" He cocked his hand to his ear.
"I said an hour or a little bit more."
"An hour or a little bit more? How much time did you spend on the pathway that led up to the area we are talking about in exhibit number five?"
"On the pathway about two minutes. Right outside the cave about fifteen minutes." I wanted to get it right.
"All right. So you were on the pathway for about two minutes?"
"Right."
"The area outside of the cave, as depicted in exhibit five, for about fifteen minutes?"
"Yes."
"The area actually in the cave for about a little over an hour?"
"Right."
I was exhausted, felt as if I was being dragged here and there. The course of this man's logic was beyond me, and it was meant to be.
"Now, you saw this person on one other occasion, I think, and on that evening? I believe that you testified that that was as he was walking down the path?"
"Yes."
"And that was about how far from you?"
"That was about a hundred and fifty feet from me."
"About a hundred and fifty feet?"
Hearing my words back was maddening. He wanted me to falter.
"Yes."
"About fifty yards? Is that fair? About half a football field?"
"I would say," I said, "a hundred and fifty feet."
I sunk a nail in, but he pulled it out.
"Your glasses weren't on then, were they?"
"No, they were not."
"When did you lose those glasses?"
"During the time-" But he didn't like where I might be going, so he phrased my answer for me.
"During the fight on the path, right?"
"Yes."
"So within the first two minutes of this altercation you lost your glasses?"
I remembered my own time breakdown.
"During the fight which was off the side of the pathway."
So did he.
"So you were two minutes on the path and then fifteen minutes outside the gate, and it was during this fifteen-minute period that your glasses came off?"
"Yes, it was."
"Now, did you fight on the path, or did he sort of spirit you over to the area in front of the gate?"
His choice of words, "spirit you over," and his gesture, a hula-dancer-like push to the side with his hands, infuriated me. I looked down at his shoes to dissipate my rage. Gail's words came back to me: "If you ever get lost or upset, just tell, as best you can, what happened to you."
"He put his arms around both my arms, down at my side, and the other around the mouth, and so I couldn't really fight, and I agreed not to scream, and when he let go of my mouth, and I screamed, that is when we started fighting."
"Were you stationary at the first spot that you stopped at, at that point, or had you been moved?"
We were not in sync. I kept listening to what I knew to be the truth and I spoke from that place. He used language like that you stopped at, as if I had free will-a choice in the matter.
"I was walking, yes."
"He was standing behind you; isn't that right?"
"Yes, he was."
"You gave a-quite detailed description today, and I believe that you testified that the person that was there was about five five to five seven, broad shoulders, small but very muscular, and you testified that he had a-I can't read my own writing-some kind of a line-"
"Boxer," I said.
"A pug nose?"
"Yes."
"Almond-shaped eyes?"
"Yes."
"Now, is it your testimony that you gave all of that information to the police on May eighth?"
"On May eighth, what I was to do was to put together a composite drawing from features."
"Did you give the police, who were going to go looking for the suspect, the information you gave us here today?"
"Could you repeat that?"
"Did you give the information that I just outlined, that you testified to today, did you give all that information to the police on May the eighth?"
"I don't recall if I gave them all of it. I gave most of it."
"Did you sign a statement on May eighth that set forth your version of the incident as it occurred?"
"Yes, I did."
"Would it refresh your memory if I were to show you the statement and give you an opportunity to review it?"
"Yes."
"I would ask this be marked as defendant's exhibit."
Paquette handed a copy to me and one to the judge. "I show you, to review the statement to yourself, and I guide your attention to the bottom paragraph, and I think that is where most of the description is, and review it to yourself and let me know when you are finished, and if your memory has been refreshed as to the description you gave to the police on May eighth, 1981."
He had succeeded in talking during the entire time I had to review the statement.
"Have you had an opportunity to review that?"
"Yes."
"Could you tell me what you told them on the eighth of May?"
"I said-'I wish to state the man I encountered in the park is a Negro, approximately sixteen to eighteen years of age, small and muscular build of one hundred and fifty pounds, wearing dark blue sweat shirt arid dark jeans with short Afro-style haircut. I desire prosecution in the event this individual is caught.' "
"That doesn't say anything about the jaw or pug nose or any almond eyes, does it?"
"No," I said, "it does not." I was not thinking fast. How, if I had not mentioned them, could the composite have been made? Why didn't the police take those things down? When presented with the insufficiency of my statement, I was unable to reason that the lack in it had not been my fault. Paquette had won his point.
"Now, you saw this-individual on Marshall Street again, and this was in October; is that right?"
"Yes."
"I gather from your testimony that you made a-correct me if I am wrong-you made an effort to remember the features of that person so that you could go back and reconstruct it?"
"Yes, I did."
"Then what you did was, you went back to your dorm and reconstructed those features that you recall from that encounter on Marshall Street; is that true?"
"Also from the encounter on May eighth," I said. Anticipating his point, I rushed on, "And I could not have identified him as the man who raped me unless he was the man who raped me."
"Repeat that?"
I was glad to.
"In other words, I am saying that I would not have spotted him on the street as the man who raped me unless he was the man who raped me. So I knew those features. I had to know those features and what they looked like in order to identify him in the first place."
"You were on Marshall Street, and you saw this individual for the first time on that day? What was he doing?"
"I saw him for the first time on May eighth, and I saw him for the second time on October fifth."
I noticed Gail; she had been leaning forward listening to the cross. With that answer she sat back in her chair with a force of pride.