Lullaby

'Yes.'

'Which you identified.'

'Yes.'

'What did he look like, Eileen?'

'Tall. Six feet. A hundred and eighty pounds. Brown hair and blue eyes.'

'How old?'

'Thirty-four.'

'How old was the man you killed?'

'What?'

'How old was . . . ?'

'What's he got to do with this? I don't have nightmares about him.'

'Do you remember how old he was?'

'Yes.'

'Tell me.'

'Early thirties.'

'What'd he look like?'

'I already told you this. The second time I was here. We've been through all this.'

'Tell me again.'

'Blond,' Eileen said, and sighed. 'Six-two. Two hundred pounds. Eye-glasses. A heart-shaped tattoo with nothing in it'

'What color were his eyes?'

'Blue.'

'Like the rapist.'

'The eyes, yes.'

'His size, too.'

'Well, Bobby was heavier and taller.'

'But they were both big men.'

'Yes.'

'You said you were alone with him in a room . . .'

'Bobby, yes.'

'Because you'd lost your backups. By the way, do you always think of him as Bobby?'

'Well ... I guess so. That's what he called himself. Bobby.'

'Uh huh.'

'Is there anything wrong with that? Calling him Bobby?'

'No, no. Tell me how you lost your backups.'

'I thought I already did.'

'No, I don't think so. How many were there?'

'Two of them. Annie and a ... Annie Rawles . . .'

'Yes.'

'. . . and a guy from the Seven-Two in Calm's Point. Mike Shanahan. Big Irishman. Good cop.'

'How'd you lose them?'

'Well, Bert got it in his head that I needed help. So he drove out to the Zone . . .'

'Bert Kling.'

'Yeah. Who I was still seeing at the time. I told him I didn't want him coming out there, but he came anyway. And . . . he's blond, you know. Did I mention he's blond? And there was a mix-up on the street, Shanahan saw Bert and thought he was the guy we were looking for, because Bobby was blond, too, you know, and about the same size. So by the time they straightened it out - it was the Feather in the Hat thing, you know, only nobody was wearing feathers - by the time Shanahan realized Bert was on the job, Bobby and I were gone.'

'Gone?'

'Around the corner. On our way to the room.'

'Did they ever catch up to you?'

'No.'

'Then you really did lose them. I mean, permanently.'

'Yes.'

'Because Bert stepped into the play.'

'Well, it wasn't his fault.'

'Whose fault was it?'

'Shanahan's.'

'Why?'

'Because he mistook Bert for the suspect.'

'Didn't know Bert was a cop.'

'That's right.'

'But if Bert hadn't been there . . .'

'But he was.'

'But if he hadn't beenthere . . .'

'There's no sense thinking that way. He was there.'

'Eileen, if he hadn't been there, would there have been a mix-up on the street?'

'Well, no.'

'Would you have lost your backups?'

'Probably not.'

'Do you think they might have helped you in your situation with Bobby?'

'Who?'

'Your backups.'

'I suppose so. If they'd got to me in time.'

'Well, you said they're both good cops . . .'

'Oh, sure.'

'. . . who undoubtedly knew their jobs . . .'

'I'd have trusted my life with either of them. In fact, that's exactly what I was doing. Trusting them to get there on time if I needed them.'

'But they weren't there when you needed them.'

'Yes, but that wasn't their fault.'

'Whose fault was it?'

'Nobody's. It was one of those dumb things that happen all the time.'

'Eileen, if it hadn't happened - if there hadn't been the mix-up, if you hadn't lost Shanahan and Annie - do you think you'd have had to shoot Bobby?'

'I don't know.'

'Well, think about it.'

'How can I possibly . . . ?'

'Well, if they'd been following you . . .'

'Yes, but they weren't.'

'If they'd been there behind you . . .'

'But you see . . .'

'. . . if they'd seen where Bobby was taking you . . .'

'Look, there's no use crying over . . .'

'. . . and if they'd got to you in time, would you have shot and killed Bobby Wilson?'

'I'd shoot him all over again,' Eileen said.

'You didn't answer my question.'

'Man with a knife? Coming at me with a knife? Of course I'd shoot the son of a bitch! I got cut once, thanks, and I don't plan to . . .'

Eileen stopped dead.

'Yes?' Karin said.

Eileen was silent for several moments.

Then she said, 'I wasn't trying to get even, if that's what you think.'

'What do you mean?'

'When I shot Bobby. I wasn't ... I didn't shoot him because of... I mean, it had nothing to do with the rape.'

'Okay.'

'Nothing at all. In fact . . . well, I already told you.'

'What was that?'

'I was beginning to like him. He was very charming.'

'Bobby.'

'Yes.'

'But you killed him.'

'I had to. That's the whole point, you know, the whole reason I'm here.'

'Yes, tell me the reason.'

'I already told you this, I don't know why I have to tell you every fucking thing a hundred times.'

'What was it you told me?'

'That I want to quit because I'm afraid I'll . . .'

'Yes, I remember now. You're afraid . . .'

'I'm afraid I'll get so angry I'll kill somebody else.'

'Angry?'

'Well, Jesus, if somebody's coming at you with a knife . . .'

'But I thought you were beginning to like him. Bobby.'