I stop.
I stop breathing.
“You’re dying,” Dare whispers into my neck. “If you don’t wake up, you’ll be lost.”
The water slides down my cheek into my neck and a hand holds mine and blackness is here and I slip into oblivion.
Oblivion is real.
That much I know.
It’s warm and comforting like a blanket.
It hugs me, and I’m gone.
And all the evil spirits, who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
Chapter Thirty
The world slows to a stop.
It’s dark.
There is no ocean.
There are no waves.
There is no sun or rain or moon.
I stay this way for so long, suspended, alone, unafraid.
And then,
A breath.
From my lips.
Suddenly, without warning.
I gasp, and there is only my breathing, and beeps, and fingers wrapped around my hand, and I’m in a bed. I’m not in the ocean or on the cliffs.
“Come back to me, Calla,” Dare whispers, and angst laces his words, and his words impale my heart. “Please God, come back to me. Time is running out. Don’t do this, please, God, don’t do this. They’re going to take you off the machine, and if you don’t breathe on your own, you’ll die. Please God. Please.”
He begs someone, whether it is God or me, I don’t know.
“We’ve already lost everything else,” he whispers. “Please, God. Come back to me. Come home to me. Come home.”
I try to open my eyes, but it’s too hard.
My eyelids are heavy.
The darkness is black.
Dare keeps talking, his words slow and soothing and I might float away on them. It would be so easy.
Death waits for me,
Only it’s not death.
It’s Olivia Savage.
I can see her face now, and she waits in the light behind Dare’s shoulder.
She nods.
It’s time.
But it can’t be. Because Dare is here, and still holding my hand. He talks to me, he tells me everything that’s happened, and when he gets tired of talking, he hums.
The same wordless, tuneless song I’ve been hearing all along.
Death moves closer, one step nearer.
I try to cry out, but nothing comes.
I try again to open my eyes, but I can’t. And I can’t move my fingers.
It’s all too much.
Too much.
I think about getting frantic,
And I almost do.
But to keep calm,
I replay the facts in my head.
My name is Calla Price.
I’m eighteen years old, and I’m half of a whole.
My other half, my twin brother, my Finn, is crazy.
Finn is dead.
My mother is dead.
Dare’s mother is dead.
I’ve spent every summer at Whitley my entire life.
I’ve loved Dare since I was small.
I’ve been floating in a sea of insanity, and I can’t wake up.
I can’t wake up.
Dare is my lifeline.
He’s still here.
I focus every ounce of strength I have, trying to force my hand into gripping his, the hands that I love so much, the hand that has held mine for so long.
But I’m helpless.
I’m weak.
Olivia, takes another step, but I can’t scream.
It’s when she touches Dare that I bolster my strength.
She puts his hand on Dare’s shoulder,
And I can’t take that.
Don’t touch Dare, I want to scream. You died, but you’re not taking him! He’s innocentHe’sInnocentHe’sInnocent!
But her fingers drum on Dare’s skin,
And everything in me boils,
And screams.
And somehow,
Some way,
I harness my energy,
And my finger twitches.
Dare’s humming stops.
“Calla?” he asks quickly, hope so potent in his voice. “Wake up. If you don’t wake up, you’ll die.”
I move my finger again, and it’s all the strength I have left.
I can’t move again, but I think it was enough.
Dare’s gone,
Gone from my side,
Yelling for someone,
For anyone.
Other voices fill my room,
Circling my bed,
And Dare’s voice is drowned.
He’s gone,
but others have replaced him.
I’m poked,
I’m prodded,
My lids are lifted and lights are shined into my eyes.
“It’s a miracle,” someone announces. “It took. She’s not rejecting it anymore.”
I can’t stay awake.
My strength is gone.
I fall asleep wishing Dare would come back.
I don’t know how long I sleep.
I only know that I dream,
And now, when I dream,
They’re lucid.
I’m no longer insane.
I don’t know why.
Olivia sits in front of me, her smile gentle and soft.
“My boy wasn’t meant for you, but you took him anyway. I thought you’d be each other’s downfall, but maybe you saved each other.”
I swallow hard because I did take him.
“You have to know that’s the way of things,” I offer. “Boys can’t stay with their mothers forever. It wasn’t my fault you died.”
“I killed myself,” she says simply. “I’m a child of Salome, and I thought my blood was bad. I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t take any more pain. I made sure you were all three safe, then I just let go. I drifted away and the darkness came, and it was soft and warm. And I let go.”
I understand pain.
I nod.
“If you’re choosing to be dead, then can my brother live?”
Hope surges through me, but the look on Olivia’s face shuts it down. And my chest hurts and hurts and hurts as she shakes her head.
“He chose,” she answers, and her words her words her words. “He chose to die to keep you safe.”
And I think about the blackness and how I stopped breathing, and how I suddenly was alive. Finn did that.
Save me, and I’ll save you.
A lump a lump a lump forms in my throat and I can’t swallow it.
“I can’t live without my Finn,” I say limply. But Olivia is firm.
“You have to. He’s gone, but you’re not. He chose you, Calla. He chose to protect you.” In my head, I remember him handing me his medallion and I cry because she’s right. Finn chose for me to live.
Olivia gets up and her form is so slight, so small. She’s dark like Dare and her eyes gleam like the night.
Black, black eyes that examine my soul.
She cocks her head, in the same way that Dare does.
“History can’t keep repeating itself. Mr. Savage killed himself to protect his children. He chose himself rather than them because sons shouldn’t have to pay for the sins of their fathers. But his son Richard was evil and it should’ve been him. Laura sacrificed Finn because that’s the way it had to be. Let it be now, Calla. It is as it should be. You’re descended from Judas, and it’s in your blood, but don’t betray this.”
“Wait,” I suck in my breath. “What about Dare?”