Cadmus was not with the attacking force by design. In fact, it would have been difficult, if not impossible, to think of a single place he would not have preferred being. He had simply been trapped, that was the truth of it, and it was all his fault for not staying quietly at home in bed and minding his own affairs. When Nausica had left the house in the small hours of the morning, obviously bent on some development of the mischief in which she was engaged, he had rolled out and followed her, and it was bad luck for him that he had. Skulking at the bottom of the hill of the Acropolis, he had been discovered by the old men when they descended, howling for reinforcements, and it was considered entirely appropriate by everyone but him, since Nausica had led the rebel force and was preparing a defense against them, that Cadmus should do his fair share in the approaching engagement. It was this cursed old goat beside him who had actually set up the loudest clamor about it, and now he simply would not let bad enough alone, but must continue constantly to harangue and abuse Cadmus. Cadmus was sick of it.
“I tell you, Cadmus,” Draces said, “it is utterly intolerable that you have permitted your wife to proceed so far in this deplorable conspiracy, and if you were at all adequate as a man you would have taken steps to prevent it.”
“Well,” said Cadmus angrily, “you are a great one to be casting aspersions on my adequacy, I must say! You were charged with the care of the Acropolis, and you have retreated like the basest cowards before a small force of women armed with sticks. And it is evident, moreover, as I have learned from comments of the others, that you personally put up the sorriest appearance of all. You needn’t think, Draces, that I am deaf and did not hear how you were frightened right out of your chiton and were chased naked among the shrines with a stout stick whacking your backside every other step.”
“I was caught at a disadvantage in the honorable performance of my duty, that’s all. It’s very petty of you, Cadmus, to ridicule me for what has happened. At least I participated valiantly in the engagement, in spite of any slanderous comments to the contrary that you may have heard or now care to invent, and this is more than you can claim, although your responsibility is clearly the greatest of all because of Nausica.”
“You are wrong there. I am not basically responsible at all. In fact, I am as injured in this as anybody, and a great deal more than most, and you are only exposing your ignorance, Draces, to accuse me unjustly. Lysistrata, wife of Lycon, is in truth the arch conspirator who devised this rebellion and developed it. Therefore, if there must be any guilt by association, Lycon is the one who qualifies. Unfortunately, he has run off to the war with his friend Acron, leaving me to bear the entire stigma, and I have done nothing except to marry, long ago at a time when it was impossible to anticipate the consequences, a woman excessively susceptible to foolishness.”
“Nevertheless, Nausica has played a principal part in the desecration of our shrines, to say nothing of having thrashed me naked with a stick, and you will see that she and her terrible companions withdraw at once, or you will pay a penalty, and it may be that you will pay one anyhow.”
“I do wish you would quit whining about your trifling beating, Draces. I have myself been beaten three times by Nausica, and I am in no frame of mind to be overly sympathetic with you.”
“The more shame on you, Cadmus. The idea of being beaten by one’s own wife whenever the fancy strikes her! There is certainly a difference, which you will admit if you are at all fair-minded, between being thrashed in the heat of a major engagement and weakly submitting to it in one’s own home.”
“There is no difference where Nausica is concerned, and I must warn you that I am sick of being scolded by you, Draces, and if you don’t stop, I shall pull out your beard and kick you down the hill.”
“Careful, Cadmus! You are in trouble enough already without getting into more by striking your superior officer, which is what I am.”
“Superior officer, indeed! In my judgment, Draces, you are not superior to anyone.”
“You are entitled to your judgment, I suppose, but if you are sensible you will not force me to exercise my authority. Anyhow, I can’t delay our attack any longer just to convince you of what you should already know, Cadmus. Let us get on with our duty, which is to destroy these treacherous women who have expelled us from the Acropolis and seized our shrines.”
Getting to his feet, Draces continued up the slope, the last steep climb below the crest, and the long line behind him also got into motion jerkily, the faggots giving off thick clouds of smoke that merged and swirled and hovered overhead. As he labored upward, his back bent and his thin legs wavering, Draces grumbled incessantly and cursed the smoke of the faggots that got into his eyes and stung them cruelly and caused the tears to stream down his sunken cheeks into his beard.
When the line of the attackers came upon the crest and moved toward the gates of the Acropolis, Draces and Cadmus came suddenly to a halt, the old men behind them piling upon one another and getting into a tangle of arms and legs and faggots and long poles. There was an uproar of cursing and complaining and shrill demands to move ahead, but Draces and Cadmus stood rooted, staring incredulously.
“What’s this?” said Draces. “Have these rash women actually come outside the walls to meet us?”
“Obviously they have,” said Cadmus, “and I am bound to say that they look quite fierce and determined, to say the least. Furthermore, that is clearly Nausica among them giving orders. What do you think is in the pots, Draces? If I am not mistaken, it is boiling water.”
“It is certainly water, and I would say, from the steam rising from the pots, that it has been boiling recently, if not at this moment.”
“Surely they wouldn’t throw it on us. That is far too depraved to be considered.”
“If you had been present when these shameless women fell upon us with sticks in the darkness, you would not consider anything too depraved for them to do. Cadmus, I tell you that your wife Nausica is a monster who justifies all the vilifications of Euripides. Previously, I was always inclined to think he exaggerated in the matter of the duplicity of women, but now I realize that he was far too conservative.”
Nausica, while Cadmus and Draces held up the attackers, had arranged the defenders before the gates to suit her, and now she turned and recognized Cadmus for the first time. She was clearly amazed to see him in such circumstances, and for a moment she could not speak at all, though she had intended to speak at once in defiance of the old men with their faggots.
“Is that you, Cadmus?” she called finally. “Is it a fact that you have not yet been sufficiently beaten and have come here like a simpleton to be beaten again? Very well. It is not necessary to wait any longer, for I have my stick here and will gladly accommodate you in this respect, although in no other. You, too, Draces. Do you wish another beating? I see you have put on your chiton again, and I must say that you look much more presentable than when I chased you naked among the shrines.”
“Do you hear the woman taunt me, Cadmus?” Draces said furiously. “As her husband, do you intend to stand here like a coward and tolerate such absolute insolence?”
“As to that,” said Cadmus, “I am moving forward as fast as you are, Draces, which is not at all. I suggest that you demonstrate some of the courage you accuse me of lacking.”
“Cadmus, your irresponsibility is simply beyond belief. This ferocious woman is admittedly your wife, and it is your duty to see that she does not cause trouble for honest folk who wish only to be left alone.”