There's a ripple of noise spreadin' forward from the back of the crowd, buildin' in volume as more and more voices join in. Abandonin' my efforts to see what's goin' on, I bend an ear to try to sort out what it is they're sayin'.
"... magician ..."
"He's back!"
"HE'S COMING!"
"... COURT MAGICIAN!!!"
"LOOK!! THERE HE IS!! IT'S ..."
"THE GREAT SKEEVEH!"
... And it was!!
Just as I make out the words, the crowd at the back of the throne room parts, and the Boss comes walkin' in ... and Aahz is with him!! They seem to be arguin', of course, and are totally ignorin' the crowd around them which first surges back, then presses forward like a wall.
I am out of the audience before I am aware that I have trampled several of Possiltum's citizens in my haste, and pass Massha who is always a little slow off the line because of her size. I see Nunzio comin' through the crowd, knockin' people down like duckpins, and am vaguely aware that I am doin' the same ... but I don't care. I am just happy to see the Boss here and in one piece.
"SKEEVE!"
I hear someone shout in a voice that sorta sounds like the queen's, but by now I am six steps out and closin' fast.
Now, I have never been fond of the Mob tradition of men huggin' each other, but this time I figure to make an exception.
"BOSS!!" I hollers, and throws my arms wide and ...
... And the room spins ... then everythin' goes black!
Chapter Twenty:
"I want a rematch!"
-M. TYSON
"GUIDO! HEY! COME on! Wake up!"
I can hear Nunzio's voice, but decide to keep my eyes closed a little while longer. Havin' had numerous similar experiences in the past, I have no difficulty figurin' out what has happened ... which is to say I have been knocked cold. The difficult part is recallin' the circumstantials which led to this condition, a task which is not made any simpler by the fact that my brain is still a little scrambled from the experience ... which is why I have chosen to pretend I am still out to lunch whilst I composes myself.
We were in the throne room ... then the Boss walked in with Aahz ... I started over to greet him ... Nunzio was comin' over to do the same thing ... then ...
I get a fix on Nunzio's location from his voice, then open my eyes and sit up quick-like, grabbin' him by the throat as I do so.
"Did you just sucker punch me, cousin?" I sez, curious-like.
The world starts to spin again a little, makin' me reconsider the wisdom of havin' tried to move so fast so soon after regainin' consciousness, but I blink a couple times to clear my vision and it settles down. I also notice that Nunzio is turnin' a little purple, so I loose my grip on his throat so's he can answer me.
"It ... wasn't me!" he squeaks.
Seein' as how Nunzio is usually very proud of his work ... particularly on those occasions when he has just worked on me ... I figure he is tellin' the truth and open my grip the rest of the way.
"Well if you didn't do it," I frowns, still blinkin' a little, "then who ..."
"Meet Pookie," he sez, pointin' over my shoulder with his left thumb, as his right hand is busy rubbin' his throat. "She's the Boss's new bodyguard."
"New bodyguard?" I sez, takin' a look behind me and ...
The world stops ... as does my heart and lungs.
Now, when I say this chick is stunnin', it has nothin' to do with the fact that she just knocked me cold. She has the smooth, strong lines of a panther ... except for a few pleasant roundin's one does not normally find on a cat of any size. She also has green scales and yellow eyes which are regardin' me levelly.
"Sorry about the mix-up," she sez, not soundin' at all sorry, "but you came in so fast that Skeeve didn't have a chance to tell me you were on our side. Anyway, pleased to meet you ... I guess. Here's your knife back."
I look at the throwin' knife she is holdin' out and realize it is indeed one of mine. I musta still been holdin' it in my hand when I went to greet the Boss, which is an embarrassin' oversight. One of the troubles with havin' big hands is that sometimes one forgets one is holdin' things.
"New bodyguard, huh?" I sez, not bein' able to think of anythin' wittier to say as I accepts the knife and stashes it.
"We met on Perv," she sez, a little frosty. "Skeeve needed a bodyguard ... and it seems he didn't have one with him."
Now I am not so far gone that I can't spot a professional rebuke when I hear one.
"We didn't like it, either," I growl, "but the Boss ordered us not to go along with him and asked us to lend a hand here instead."
Pookie thinks about this for a second, then gives a small nod.
"That explains a few things," she sez, unthawin' a little. "Skeeve's being alone had me wondering about you two, but I guess you really didn't have much choice in the matter."
There is no reason why her approval should mean anything to me ... but it does.
"So, you're from Perv, huh?" I sez, tryin' to prolong the conversation.
"She's my cousin," Aahz sez, and for the first rime I become aware that he is standin' nearby.
In fact, the whole team is standin' here, and I ...
"Your cousin!" I sez, the words finally sinkin' in.
"Don't worry," Pookie sez, givin' me a small smile and a wink. "We aren't at all alike."
"Can you guys keep it down?" Tananda hisses at us. "I'm trying to eavesdrop on this!"
Wrenchin' my attention away from Pookie, I finally start to focus in on what's goin' on.
We are still in the throne room, but the crowds are gone. In fact, the whole place ... floor and balconies ... are empty of people and guards except for us. Well, us and the Boss, who is sittin' on the throne steps chattin' with Queen Hemlock.
"... so everything was going pretty well, until Roddie caught some bug or other and died," she is sayin'. "When I didn't die, too, I realized those rings you gave us didn't really link our lives ... incidentally, I'd get my money back on those if I were you ..."
"You mean the King really did die of natural causes?" I whispers.
"So it seems," Tananda murmurs back. "Now put a sock in it. I want to hear this."
"... and you know I've always wanted to expand our borders just a teensy tiny bit, so I figured, 'Why not give it a try?' ..."
"From what I hear," the Boss interrupts, "the expansion goes way past 'teensy tiny' in anyone's definition."
"I know," the queen sighs, deflatin' a little. "It just seems to have gotten away from me. My advisors • - • you remember Grimble and Badaxe? ... well, they keep assuring me that everything is fine... that as long as I keep lowering the taxes, the people will support me ... but I keep having this feeling that I've lost control of ..."
"Lowering the taxes while you expand your borders?" the Boss breaks in. "But that can't be done! A bigger kingdom means more expense, not less! You still have the cost of local government, plus the cost of extra layers of bureaucracy to manage the local bureaucracies."
It finally dawns on me what has been botherin' me about this "lower taxes" thing every time I hear about it. I also remember that I had to take Econ. 101 three times.
"I know," the queen sez. "I've been covering the extra cost from my old kingdom's treasury, but that's almost gone. Grimble keeps saying that things will level off eventually when the kingdom gets big enough, but ..."
"It's not going to happen," the Boss sez, shakin' his head. "You can't beat the mathematics of the situation. You're either going to have to raise the taxes or pull your borders back ... or go bankrupt."