Nunzio and me hang back from the first bunch of shooters, as we have little fear of passin' this particular test. We focus instead on how the rest of the crew is doin' so's we can help out the ones what is havin' trouble.
The Flie brothers are surprisingly good shots, each of them not only hittin' the target with every shot, but holdin' a shot group you can cover with a double handspan. Realizin' that the targets are close enough to hit with a rock, however, this display of marksmanship fails to impress me a great deal. Sergeant Smiley, on the other hand, seems genuinely pleased with their performance.
"Now that's how the army likes to see you handle those weapons!" he sez loud so's everyone can hear him. "Who taught you boys to shoot like that, anyway?"
"Our dad did," Shu Flie grins. "You may have heard of him. They call him Horse Flie."
"Mom can outshoot him, though," Hy Flie adds. "They call her Dragon Flie."
At this point, I stopped followin' the conversation, both because it was makin' my stomach hurt, and because Nunzio was beckonin' me to huddle up with him.
"We got problems," he sez, which wasn't surprisin', as knowin' him as well as I do I could see he was worried.
"Like what?"
"It's Spellin' Bee," he sez, which is what we've taken to callin' our junior magician. "I don't think he could hit the broadside of a barn if he was inside it."
I snuck a look over his shoulder, just in time to see Bee loose a quarrel which misses the target by fifteen feet, give or take a mile. The corporal was right there beside him, offering helpful suggestions at the top of his lungs.
"I see. Well, it's not like he's gonna do much shootin', what with him bein' a magician."
"Maybe not," Nunzio shrugs, "but we're all supposed to qualify today or the whole group gets held back ... remember?"
"That could be a problem," I nods. "Doesn't he have a spell or somethin' that could help him out?"
My cousin rolls his eyes and snorts, disgustedlike.
"Are you kidding? He only knows two spells, and neither of them are gonna be of any help to him on the firing line."
"Two spells? What are they?"
"Let's see, he knows Dispell, which lets him see through disguise spells."
"Thats not much help," I admits. "What's his other spell?"
"Datspell," Nunzio grimaces, "which is nothing more than the disguise spell the Boss uses with a silly name."
"So all he can do is disguise himself and see through other disguises," I sez, turnin' it over in my mind.
"That's it, Nothin' that's gonna help him qualify today."
"Maybe ... maybe not," I sez, thoughtfully. "Tell you what. Is there any chance you can get him alone for a few minutes?"
"No problem. When he finishes blowin' this round, he'll have to wait to take another turn. I can get him then. Why? You got an idea?"
"Uh-huh," I grins. "Just convince him to use his disguise spell ... what does he call it? Oh yeah, Datspell ... so's you can change places. Then you qualify for him, you switch back, and no one will be any the wiser."
"I dunno," Nunzio sez, rubbin' his chin. "We might be able to fool the corporal, but the sergeant there's a pretty sharp cookie. He might spot there's somethin' different about the Bee."
"I'll take care of distractin' the sergeant when the time comes. Just be careful not to shoot too good ... just good enough to qualify. Got it?"
Then there isn't much to do whilst waiting for the plan to unfold. Finally the corporal gets fed up with shoutin' at our young magician and sends him off the line for a "break" until he has rested his voice a bit.
Tryin' not to pay too much attention, I watch out of the corner of my eye while Nunzio drapes an arm around Bee's shoulder and begins to talk to him in an earnest-type fashion, all the while leadin' him casually behind the weapon storage tent and out of general sight. After what seems like an intolerably long time, "Bee" re-emerges, walkin' in a rollin' stride that is very familiar to me, and I know the power of reason and logic has triumphed again. I wait until he is steppin' up to the firin' line for yet another try, then commence to create a diversion.
"You're tryin' too hard, Spyder," I sez, loud-like, steppin' up behind that notable where she is standin' at the far end of the firin' line from "Bee." Both Spyder and Junebug are sporadic in their marksmanship, keepin' their shots in the vicinity of the target, but only hittin' it occasionally.
"You're keepin' your left arm way too tense ... you gotta loosen up a little and just cradle the weapon in your hand. Ease up on the trigger, too. Just use the tip of your finger instead of tryin' to wrap it all the way around the trigger. Otherwise, you'll pull your shot off to the left every time you squeeze off a round."
"Like this?"
"Yeah, only ..."
"WHAT THE HECK YA THINK YOU'RE DOIN??!!"
It should have been gratifyin' to know that I was correct in my appraisal of Sergeant Smiley's boilin' point. Up until now, Nunzio and me have been real careful to do our coachin' of the other recruits out of his sight and hearin', so's not to conflict with the authority-type image he is workin' so hard to maintain. I figure that this open display will not sit well with him, and this figurin' proves to be dead on target. I should be glad, but as he comes stompin' toward me I have to fight off the sneakin' feelin' that this has not been the wisest tactic to pursue.
"Guido was just giving me some pointers on handling this thing. Sergeant," Spyder sez, innocent-like, her polite manners a testimony to her hard learned lessons that Smiley is not someone to hassle unnecessarily.
"Oh, so now the Bug Swatter's an expert on crossbows, is he?" the sergeant snarls, puttin' the cross hairs on me. 'Thinks he's better'n me or the range instructors at teaching marksmanship, does he?"
While trackin' this with great attention, I nonetheless see over his shoulder that Nunzio, disguised as Bee, is firin' his qualifyin' round ... right under the nose of the corporal, who is more interested in watchin' the sergeant and me than in payin' attention to what's happenin' at his end of the range.
"Why don't you just show us how good you are with this weapon, acting Squad Leader Guido," Smiley sez, snatchin' the crossbow away from Spyder and thrustin' it at me. "If you can qualify, then maybe I won't bust you back into the ranks."
Now I have been threatened by experts ... literally ... so this effort by the sergeant fails to generate in me the obviously desired nervousness. If anything, I am tempted to deliberately blow these shots, thereby gettin' myself off the leadership-type hook which, as I have noted earlier, I am not particularly happy to be danglin' from. Still, my professional abilities have been openly challenged ... and in front of a skirt, even if it's just Spyder. Besides, Nunzio has now finished qualifyin' for Bee, so there is no incentive to prolong this diversion any longer.
I spare the crossbow no more than a cursory glance, havin' a weak stomach when it comes to substandard weapons. It is obviously the work of government contractors, and bears the same resemblance to the custom weapons from lolo that I normally use that a plow horse bears to a thoroughbred. Ignorin' this, I holds a quarrel in my mouth while cockin' the crossbow by puttin' the butt in my stomach and jerkin' the string back with both hands (which is quicker ‘n usin' the foot stirrup to do the same thing), drop the quarrel into the groove ahead of the drawn string, and squeeze off a quick shot down range.
Not surprisin'ly, the missile thwacks into the dummy's right shoulder.
"A bit lucky, but not bad," Smiley sez, grudgin' like. "You'd get better accuracy, though, if you shot from the shoulder instead of the hip. Trying to show off will only ..."