"Yes. I'd like to see Mr. Hoos."
That got us a long, slow once-over with the weak eyes, his gaze lingering on me for several extra beats. I did my best to look innocent... which is not that easy to do for a troll.
"I'm afraid that's quite impossible," he said at last, returning his attention to the work on his desk.
I could sense Tananda fighting with her temper and mentally crossed my fingers.
"It's extremely urgent."
The eyes flicked our way again, and he set his pencil down with a visible sigh.
"Then perhaps you'd better deal with me."
"I have some information for Mr. Hoos, but I think he'd want to hear it personally."
"That's your opinion. If, after hearing it, I agree, then you might be allowed to repeat it to Mr. Hoos."
Stalemate.
Tananda seemed to recognize this as well.
"Well, I don't want to start a panic, but I have it on good authority that this bank is going to be robbed."
I was a little surprised by this, though I did my best not to show it. The bank manager, however, seemed to take it in stride.
"I'm afraid you're mistaken, young lady," he said with a tight smile.
"My sources are seldom wrong," she insisted.
"You're new to Arcadia, aren't you?"
"Well..."
"Once you've learned your way around, you'll realize that there isn't a criminal in the dimension who would steal from Mr. Hoos, much less try to rob his bank."
This Hoos chap was starting to sound like quite a fellow. Little sister, however, was not so easily deterred.
"What about a criminal from another dimension? Someone who isn't so impressed with Mr. Hoos?"
The manager raised an eyebrow.
"Like who, for example?"
"Well... what if I and my friend here decided to..."
That was as far as she got.
For all his stuffiness, I had to admit the manager was good. I didn't see him move or signal, but suddenly the bank was filled with armed guards. For some reason, their attention seemed to be centered on us.
I nudged Tananda, but she waved me off irritably.
"... Of course, that was simply a ‘what if.' "
"Of course," the manager smiled, without humor. "I believe our business is concluded. Good day."
"But ..."
"I said ‘Good day.' "
With that he returned to his work, ignoring us completely.
It would have been bordering on lunacy to try to take on the whole room full of guards. I was therefore startled to realize little sister was starting to contemplate that very action. As casually as I could, I started whistling Gilbert and Sullivan's "A Policeman's Lot Is Not a Happy One" as a gentle reminder of the police station not half a block away. Tananda gave me a look that would curdle cream, but she got the message and we left without further ado.
"Now what, little sister?" I said, as tactfully as I could manage.
"Isn't it obvious?"
I thought about that for a few moments.
"No," I admitted frankly. "Seems to me you've come up against a dead end."
‘ "Then you weren't listening in there," she said, giving me one of her smug grins. "The manager gave me a big clue for where to try next."
"... And that was?"
"Don't you remember he said no criminal would rob this Hoos guy?"
"Quite. So?"
"... So if there's a criminal connection here, I should be able to get some information out of the underworld."
That sounded a tad ominous to me, but I have long since learned not to argue with Tananda when she gets her mind set on something. Instead, I decided to try a different approach.
"Not to be a noodge," I noodged, "but how do you propose to find said underworld? They don't exactly list in the yellow pages, you know."
Her pace slowed noticeably.
"That's a problem," she admitted. "Still, there must be a way to get information around ..."
"Can I offer you a glass of cold juice. Miss?"
It was my friend from the morning with his vending cart. A part of me wanted to wave him off, as interrupting little sister in mid-scheme is not the healthiest of pastimes, but I couldn't think of a way to do it without breaking character. Tananda surprised me, however. Instead of removing his head at the waist for breaking into her thought process, she turned her most dazzling smile on him.
"Well, hi there!" she purred. "Say, I never did get a chance to thank you for giving me directions to the police station this morning."
Now, little sister's smiles can be devastating to the nervous system of anyone of the male gender, and this individual was no exception.
"Don't mention it," he flushed. "If there's anything else I can do to be of assistance ..."
"Oh, there is one teensy-tiny favor you could do for me."
Her eyelashes fluttered like mad, and the vendor melted visibly.
"Name it."
"Wellll... could you tell me where I could find a hardened criminal or five? You see, I'm new here and don't know a soul I could ask."
I thought this was a little tacky and fully expected the vendor to refuse the information in a misdirected attempt to shelter the pretty girl from evil influences. The old boy seemed to take it in stride, however.
"Criminals, eh?" he said, rubbing his chin. "Haven't had much dealings with that sort for a while. When I did, though, they could usually be found down at the Suspended Sentence."
"The what?"
"The Suspended Sentence. It's a combination tavern/ inn. The owner opened it after getting off a pretty sticky trial. It seems the judge wasn't wrong in letting him go, since he's gone straight, as far as I can tell, but there's a bad element that hangs out there. I think they figure some of the good luck might rub off on them."
Tananda punched me lightly in the ribs and winked. "Well, that sounds like my next stop. Where'd you say this place was, old timer?"
"Just a couple of blocks down the street there, then turn left up the alley. You can't miss it."
"Hey, thanks. You've been a big help, really." "Don't mention it. Sure you wouldn't like some juice?"
"Maybe later. Right now I'm in a hurry." The old man shook his head at her retreating back.
"That's the trouble with folks today. Everybody's in such a hurry. Don't you agree, big fella?"
Again I found myself torn between entering a conversation with this likable chap and watching over little sister. As always, family loyalty won out.
"Ahh... Big Crunch in hurry too. Will talk with little man later."
"Sure. Anytime. I'm usually around."
He waved goodbye, and I waved back as I hurried after Tananda.
Little sister seemed quite preoccupied when I caught up with her, so I deemed it wisest to keep silent as I fell in beside her. I assumed she was planning out her next move ... at least, until she spoke.
"Tell me, big brother," she said, without looking at me. "What do you think of Bunny?"
Now Mums didn't raise any stupid children. Just Tananda and me. It didn't take any great mental gymnastics to figure out that perhaps this was not the best time to sing great praises of little sister's rival. Still, I would feel less than truthful, not to mention a little disloyal, if I gave false testimony when queried directly.
"Um ....ell, there's no denying she's attractive."
Tananda nodded her agreement.
"...In a cheap, shallow sort of way, I suppose," she acknowledged.
"Of course," I said carefully, "she does have a little problem with overachievement."
"A little problem! Chumley, you have a positive talent for understatement. Bunny's one of the pushiest bitches I know."
I was suddenly quite glad I had not verbalized my thought comparing Bunny's overachievement problem with little sister's. I somehow doubted Tananda was including herself in her inventory of pushy bitches. Still, there was one more point I wanted to test the ice with.