"I don't think any interest will be necessary, Mr, Hoos," she said, taking the bag from him. "I'm sure my client will be happy with the payment as is."
"Are you sure? Can't I give you a little something for your trouble?"
"Sorry. Company policy doesn't allow its agents to take tips. Weasel, you'll send me a bill for the damages to your place?"
"You got it, sweetheart," the bartender waved.
"There, now," Hoos said, reaching into his cart. "I can cover that expense for you, at least."
Tananda shook her head.
"It's baked into our operating budget. Really, Mr. Hoos, I'm already working legit. I really don't need any extra boosts. C'mon, Chumley. It's time we were going."
Waving goodbye to the others, I took my place beside her as she started the gyrations to blip us through to our home base on Deva.
"Perhaps I shouldn't mention it, little sister," I said softly, "but unless my eye for damage has deserted me completely, isn't that bill going to come to more than our company's share of the collection?"
"I said I'd cover it personally, and I will," she murmured back. "The important thing is that I've completed this assignment in record time ....nd if you say anything to Bunny about the damages, I'll make you wish you had never been born. Do we understand each other, big brother?"
Chapter Three:
"It's all a matter of taste."
-B. MlDLER
"I REALLY HAVE to compliment you, dear. It never ceases to amaze me how much you do with so little."
That was Bunny's comment following Tananda's report on her last assignment. I had asked her to sit in to take notes, and I had to admit she had been extremely attentive while Tananda was speaking... which was more than I managed to do. From the report, the assignment was so routine as to be dull, though I personally wanted to hear Chumley's side of it before I made any final judgments on that score. That particular troll, however, was nowhere to be found... a fact which made me more than a little suspicious. Bunny was as efficient as ever, though, covering for my wandering thoughts by providing compliments of her own.
"Why, thank you. Bunny," Tananda purred back. "It really means a lot to me to hear you say that, realizing how much you know about operating with minimal resources."
It occurred to me that it was nice that these two were getting along as well as they did. Our operation could be a real mess if the two of them took to feuding.
It also occurred to me that there were an awful lot of teeth showing for what was supposed to be a friendly meeting. I decided it was time to move on to other subjects before things got too friendly.
"Things have been pretty quiet around here while you've been gone, Tananda," I said. "Not much new at all. How about it. Bunny? Any new prospects we should know about?"
Bunny made a big show of consulting her note pad.
Right away, this alerted me. You see, I know that Bunny keeps flawless notes in her head, and the only time she consults her pad is when she's stalling for time trying to decide whether or not to bring something to my attention. I may be slow, but I do learn.
"Welll..." she said slowly. "The only thing I show at all is an appointment with somebody named Hysterium."
"Hysterium? Why does that name sound familiar? Wait a minute. Didn't I see a letter from him about a week back?"
"That's right. He's a land speculator and developer who's been trying to get in to see you for some time now."
"That shouldn't be a problem. What time is the appointment for?"
Bunny was staring at her notes again.
"Actually, I was thinking of postponing the meeting, if not canceling it altogether," she said.
"Why would we want to do that?"
I was annoyed, but curious. I really wasn't wild about Bunny trying to make my decisions for me. Still, she had a good head for business, and if this guy made her hesitate, I wanted to know why.
"It's like I was trying to tell you before, Skeeve. Your time is valuable. You can't just give it away to any fruitcake who wants an appointment."
"... And you figure this guy's a fruitcake?"
"He must be," she shrugged. "What he wants to talk about simply isn't our kind of work. As near as I've been able to make out, he wants us to serve as interior decorators."
That brought Tananda into the conversation.
"You're kidding. Interior decorators?"
Bunny actually giggled and turned to Tananda conspiratorially.
"That's right. It seems he started building a motel complex counting on the fact that his would be the only lodging available in the area. Since he's started construction, though, four others have either announced their intentions to build or have started construction themselves...ight on his doorstep. Of course, since his original plan didn't include any competition, the design is more utilitarian than decorative. It's going to make his place look real shabby by comparison, and he's afraid of losing his shirt."
"That's bad," Tananda winced. "So what does he want us to do about it?"
"Well, apparently our outfit is getting a bit of a rep for being miracle workers... you know, ‘If you're really up against a wall, call THEM!'? Anyway, he wants us to come up with an alternate design or a gimmick or something to catch people's attention so that his place will fill up before the competition rents out room one."
"Us? The man must be crazy."
"Crazy or desperate," Bunny nodded. "I know we'd have to be crazy to take the job."
I waited until they were done laughing before I ventured my opinion.
"I think we should take it," I said at last.
I suddenly had their undivided attention.
"Really? Why should we do that?"
I steepled my fingers and tried to look wise.
"First off, there's the fee ... which, if I remember the letter correctly, was substantial even by our standards. Then again, there's the very point you were raising: we've never done anything like this before. It'll give us a chance to try something new... diversify instead of staying in a rut doing the same types of jobs over and over again. Finally ..."
I gave them both a lazy smile.
"... As you said, it's an impossible job, so we won't guarantee results. That means if we fail, it's what's expected, but if we succeed, we're heroes. The beauty of it is that either way we collect our fee."
The women exchanged quick glances, and for a moment I thought they were going to suggest that I take an extended vacation... like, say, at a rest home.
"Actually," Bunny said slowly, "I did have a course in interior decorating once in college. I suppose I could give it a shot. It might be fun designing a place on someone else's money."
"But, dear," Tananda put in, "you're so valuable here at the office. Since there's no guaranteed success on this one, it might be better if I took it on and left you free for more important assignments."
Bunny started to say something in return, then glanced at me and seemed to change her mind.
"I suppose if your heart's set on it, there's no reason we couldn't both work on it together. Right, Skeeve?"
Now that had to be the dumbest idea I had heard all day. Even if the two of them were getting along fine now, I was sure that if they started butting heads over design ideas, any hope of friendship would go right out the window. Fortunately, I had a solution.
"Sorry," I said carefully, "I actually hadn't planned on using either one of you on this assignment."
That hung in the air for a few moments. Then Tananda cleared her throat.
"If you don't mind my asking, if you aren't going to use either of us, who are you giving the assignment to?"