"Us? The man must be crazy."
"Crazy or desperate," Bunny nodded. "I know we'd have to be crazy to take the job."
I waited until they were done laughing before I ventured my opinion.
"I think we should take it," I said at last.
I suddenly had their undivided attention.
"Really? Why should we do that?"
I steepled my fingers and tried to look wise.
"First off, there's the fee ... which, if I remember the letter correctly, was substantial even by our standards. Then again, there's the very point you were raising: we've never done anything like this before. It'll give us a chance to try something new... diversify instead of staying in a rut doing the same types of jobs over and over again. Finally ..."
I gave them both a lazy smile.
"... As you said, it's an impossible job, so we won't guarantee results. That means if we fail, it's what's expected, but if we succeed, we're heroes. The beauty of it is that either way we collect our fee."
The women exchanged quick glances, and for a moment I thought they were going to suggest that I take an extended vacation... like, say, at a rest home.
"Actually," Bunny said slowly, "I did have a course in interior decorating once in college. I suppose I could give it a shot. It might be fun designing a place on someone else's money."
"But, dear," Tananda put in, "you're so valuable here at the office. Since there's no guaranteed success on this one, it might be better if I took it on and left you free for more important assignments."
Bunny started to say something in return, then glanced at me and seemed to change her mind.
"I suppose if your heart's set on it, there's no reason we couldn't both work on it together. Right, Skeeve?"
Now that had to be the dumbest idea I had heard all day. Even if the two of them were getting along fine now, I was sure that if they started butting heads over design ideas, any hope of friendship would go right out the window. Fortunately, I had a solution.
"Sorry," I said carefully, "I actually hadn't planned on using either one of you on this assignment."
That hung in the air for a few moments. Then Tananda cleared her throat.
"If you don't mind my asking, if you aren't going to use either of us, who are you giving the assignment to?"
I came around my desk and perched on the edge so I could speak more personally.
"The way I see it, the new design will have to be attention-getting, a real showstopper. Now when it comes to eye-catching displays, I think we've got just the person on our staff."
"ARE YOU SURE the great Skeeve sent you?"
Now I'll tell ya, folks, I'm used to people over reactin' to me, but this guy Hysterium seemed to be gettin' a little out a hand. I mean, Deveels are supposed to be used to dealin' with all sorts of folks without battin' an eye. Still, he was the client, and business is business.
"What ya sees is what ya gets. Cute, Rich, and Desperate."
It never hurts to spread a little sugar around, but this time the customer just wasn't buyin'.
"The Great Skeeve? The one who runs M.Y.T.H. Inc.?"
This was startin' ta get redundant, so I decided it was time ta put a stop to it once and for all. I heaved a big sigh... which, I'll tell you, on me is really something.
"Tell ya what... Hysterium, is it? Never was much good with names. If you want I'll go back and tell the Prez that you decided not to avail yourself of our services. Hmmm?"
All of a sudden, he got a lot more appreciative of what he was gettin'.
"No! I mean, that won't be necessary. You ... weren't quite what I was expecting, is all. So you're agents of M.Y.T.H. Inc., eh? What did you say your names were again?"
I don't know what he was expecting, but I was willin' ta believe we weren't it ... at least, I wasn't. Even when I'm just lazin' around I can be quite an eyeful, and today I decked myself out to the nines just ta be sure to make an impression. Of course, in my case it's more like out to the nineties.
No one has ever called me petite... not even when I was born. In fact, the nurses took ta calling my mom the "Oooh-Ahh Bird," even though I didn't get the joke until I was older. The fact of the matter is, folks, that I'm larger than large... somewhere between huge and "Oh, my God," leaning just a teensy bit toward the latter. Now I figure when you're my size there's no way to hide it, so you might as well flaunt it... and, believe me, I've become an expert on flauntin' it.
Take for example my chosen attire for the day. Now a lot of girls moan that unless you got a perfect figure, you can't wear a bare midriff outfit. Well, I've proven over and over again that that just isn't so, and today was no exception. The top was a bright lime green with purple piping, which was a nice contrast to the orange-and-redstriped bottoms. While I feel there's nothing wrong with going barefoot, I found these darling turquoise harem slippers and couldn't resist addin' them to the ensemble. Of course, with that much color on the bod, a girl can't neglect her makeup. I was usin' violet lipstick accented by mauve eye shadow and screaming yellow nail polish, with just a touch of rouge to hide the fact that I'm not gettin' any younger. I'd thought of dyein' my hair electric blue instead of its normal orange, but decided I'd stick with the natural look.
Now, some folks ask where I find outfits like that. Well, if ya can keep a secret, I have a lot of ‘em made especially for me. Face it, ya don't find clothes like these on the rack ... or if ya do, they never fit right. Be sure ta keep that a secret, though. The designers I patronize insist that no one ever find out... probably afraid they'll get swamped with orders. They never put their labels in my clothes for the same reason. Even though I've promised not to breathe a word to anybody, they're afraid someone might find out by accident ... or was that in an accident? Whatever.
Oh, yes. I was also wearin' more than my normal allocation of jewelry, which, for anyone who knows me, means quite a lot. Ta save time, I won't try to list the whole inventory here. Just realize I was wearin' multiples of everything: necklaces, dangle bracelets, ankle bangles, earrings, nose rings ... I went especially heavy on rings, seein' as how this was for work. You see, not only are my rings a substantial part of my magical arsenal. Mom always said it wasn't ladylike to wear brass knuckles, and my rings give me the same edge in a fight, with style thrown in for good measure.
Anyway, I really didn't blame the client for bein' a little overwhelmed when we walked in. Even though he bounced back pretty well, all things considered, I think it took the two of us ta prove ta him just how desperate he really was.
"Well, I'm Massha," I said, "and my partner over there is Vic."
Hysterium nearly fell over his desk in his eagerness to shake Vic's hand. My partner was dressed stylishly, if sedately by my standards, in a leisure suit with a turtleneck and ankle-high boots. His whole outfit was in soft earth tones, and it was clear the Deveel had him pegged as the normal member of the twosome. Call it a mischievous streak, but I just couldn't let it stand at that.
"Actually, Vic isn't one of our regular staff. He's a free-lancer we bring in occasionally as a specialist."
"A specialist?" Hysterium noted, still shakin' Vic's hand. "Are you an interior decorator?"
My partner gave him a tight smile.
"No, I'm more of a night-life specialist. That's why I'm wearing these sunglasses. I'm very sensitive to the light."
"Night life? I'm not sure I understand."
I hid a little smile and looked at the ceiling.
"What Vic here is tryin' to say," I told the Deveel, as casually as I could, "is that he's a vampire."