That brought the Deveel out of his shocked trance. "I'll tell you what the problem is! Miss Bunny here was dead right when she said my magic factory is my prize holding. The trouble is that someone's robbing me blind! I'm losing a fortune to pilferage!"
"What percentage loss?" Bunny said, suddenly attentive.
"Pushing fourteen percent... up from six last year."
"Are we talking retail or cost value?"
"Cost."
"What's your actual volume loss?"
"Less than eight percent. They know exactly what items to go after... small, but expensive." I sat back and tried to look wise. They had lost me completely about two laps into the conversation, but Bunny seemed to know what she was doing, so I gave her head.
"Everybody I've sent in to investigate gets tagged as a company spy before they even sit down," Bane was saying. "Now, the word I get is that your crew has some contacts in organized crime, and I was figuring ..."
He let his voice trail off, then shrugged as if he was embarrassed to complete the thought.
Bunny looked over at me, and I could tell she was trying to hide a smile. She was the niece of Don Bruce, the Mob's Fairy Godfather, and it always amused her to encounter the near-superstitious awe outsiders felt toward her uncle's organization..
"I think we can help you," I said carefully. "Of course, it will cost."
"How much?" Bane countered, settling back for what was acknowledged throughout the dimensions as a Deveel's specialty... haggling.
In response, Bunny scribbled something quickly on her notepad, then tore the sheet off and handed it to Bane. The Deveel glanced at it and blanched a light pink.
"WHAT!! That's robbery and you know it!"
"Not when you consider what the losses are costing you," Bunny said sweetly. "Tell you what. If you'd rather, we'll take a few points in your factory... say, half the percentage reduction in pilferage once we take the case?"
Bane went from pink to a volcanic red in the space of a few heartbeats.
"All right! It's a deal ... at the original offer!"
I nodded slightly. "Fine. I'll assign a couple of agents to it immediately."
"Wait a minute! I'm paying prices like these and I'm not even getting the services of the head honcho? What are you trying to pull here? I want ..."
"The Great Skeeve stands behind every M.Y.T.H. Inc. contract," Bunny interrupted. "If you wish to contract his personal services, the price would be substantially higher... like, say, controlling interest?"
"All right, all right! I get the message!" the Deveel said. "Send in your agents. They just better be good, that's all. At these rates, I expect results!"
With that, he slammed out of the office, leaving Bunny and me alone.
"How much did you charge him?"
"Just our usual fees."
"Really?"
"Well ... I did add in a small premium ‘cause I didn't like him. Any objections?"
"No. Just curious is all."
"Say, Boss. Would you mind including me in this assignment? It shouldn't take too long, and this one's got me a little curious."
"Okay... but not as lead operative. I want to be able to pull you back here if things get hairy in the office. Let your partner run the show."
"No problem. Who are you teaming me with?"
I leaned back in my chair and smiled.
"Can't you guess? The client wants organized crime, he gets organized crime!"
"Guido, are you sure you've got your instructions right?"
That is Bunny talkin'. For some reason the Boss has deemed it wise to delegate to me her company for this job. Now this is okay with me, as Bunny is more than enjoyable to look at and a swell head to boot, which is to say she is smarter than me, which is a thing I do not say about many people, guys or dolls.
The only trepidation with which I view this pairin' is that as swell as she is. Bunny also has a marked tendency to nag whenever a job is on. This is because she is handicapped with a problem, which is that she has her cap set for the Boss. Now we are all aware of this, for it was apparent as the nose on your face from the day they first encountered. Even the Boss could see this, which is sayin' sumpin', for while I admire the Boss as an organizer, he is a little thick between the ears when it comes to skirts. To show you what I mean, once he was aware that Bunny did indeed entertain notions on his bod, his response was to half faint from the nervousness. This is from a guy I've watched take on vampires and werewolf types, not to mention Don Bruce himself, without so much as battin' an eye. Like I say, dolls is not his strong suit.
Anyway, I was talkin' about Bunny and her problem. She finally managed to convince the Boss that she wasn't really tryin' to pair up with him, but was just interested in furtherin' her career as a business type. Now this was a blatant lie, and we all knew it... even though it seems to have fooled the Boss. Even that green bum, Aahz, could see what Bunny was up to. (This surprised me a bit, for I always thought his main talent was makin' loud noises.) All that Bunny was doin' was switchin' from one come-on to another. Her overall motivational goal has never changed.
The unfortunate circumstances of this is that instead of wooin' the Boss with her bod, which as I have said is outstandin', she is now tryin' to win his admiration with what a sharp cookie she is. This should not be overly difficult, as Bunny is one shrewd operator, but like all dolls she feels she has limited time in which to accomplish her objective before her looks run out, so she is tryin' extra hard to make sure the Boss notices her.
This unfortunately can make her a real headache in the posterior regions to work with. She is so afraid that someone else will mess up her performance record that she can drive a skilled worker such as myself up a proverbial tree with her nervous double-check chatter. Still, she is a swell doll and we are all pullin' for her, so we put up with it.
"Yes, Bunny," I sez.
" ‘Yes, Bunny' what?"
"Yes, Bunny, I'm sure I got my instructions right."
"Then repeat them back to me."
"Why?"
"Guido!"
When Bunny gets that tone in her voice, there is little else to do but to humor her. This is in part because part of my job is to be supportive to my teammate when on an assignment, but also because Bunny has a mean left hook when she feels you are givin' her grief. My cousin Nunzio chanced to discover this fact one time before he was informed that she was Don Bruce's niece, and as he had a jaw like an anvil against which I have had occasion to injure my fist with noticeable results, I have no desire to confirm for myself the strength of the blow with which she decked him. Consequently I decided to comply with her rather annoying request.
"The Boss wants us to find out how the goods of a particular establishment is successfully wanderin' off the premises without detection," I sez. "To that end I am to intermingle with the workers as one of them to see if I can determine how this is bein' accomplished."
"And..." she sez, givin' me the hairy eyeball.
"... And you are to do the same, only with the office types. At the end of a week we are to regroup in order that we may compare observations and see if we are perhaps barkin' up the wrong tree."
"And ..." she sez again, lookin' a trifle agitated.
At this point I commence to grow a trifle nervous, for while she is obviously expectin' me to continue in my oration, I have run out of instructions to reiterate.