He broke off and shook his head.
"No," he said with a ring of finality to his voice. "There's no other way to handle it. I'll just have to catch up with her and try to keep her from getting too out of hand. Which dimension did you say she was headed for again?"
The direct question finally snapped me out of the mindfreeze his explanation had put me in.
"Really, Chumley. Aren't you exaggerating just a little? I mean, how much trouble could she cause?"
The troll sighed. "Ever hear of a dimension called Rinasp?"
"Can't say that I have."
"That's because there's no one there anymore. That's the last place little sister went on a collection job."
"I've got the name of the dimension here somewhere!" I said, diving into my paperwork with newfound desperation.
DASH IT ALL TO BLAZES anyway! You'd think by now that Skeeve would have the sense to look a bit before he leaped ... especially when his leaping tends to involve others as it does! If he thinks that Tananda can't ... If he can't figure out that even I don't... Well, he has no idea of the way our Mum raised us, is all I've got to say.
Of course, one cannot expect wonders from a Klahd raised by a Pervert, can one... hmmm?? Well, Chumley old boy, time to muddle through one more time, what?
I must admit this latest collection assignment for Tananda had me worried. At her best little sister tends to lack tact, and lately...
As near as I can tell, there was bad blood building between her and Bunny. They had never really hit it off well, but things had gotten noticeably sticky since Don Bruce's niece set her cap for Skeeve. Not that little sister had any designs on the lad herself, mind you. If anything, her feelings toward him are more sisterly than anything else... Lord help him. Rather it seems that it's Bunny's tactics that are setting Tananda's teeth on edge.
You see, what with Bunny trying to be so spit-spot efficient on the job to impress Skeeve, little sister has gotten it into her head that it's making her look bad professionally. Tananda has always been exceedingly proud of her looks and her work, and what with Bunny strutting around the office going on about how well the last assignment went, she feels a wee bit threatened on both counts. As near as I could tell, she was bound and determined to prove that what she had picked up in the Guttersnipe Survival School was more than a match for the education Bunny had acquired at whatever finishing school the Mob had sent her to. Combined with her normal tendency for over-exuberance, it boded ill for whoever it was she was out to collect from.
I was also underwhelmed by the setting for this pending disaster. I mean, really, what kind of name is Arcadia for a dimension? It sounds like one of those confounded video parlors. I probably would have been hard-pressed to even find it if I hadn't gotten directions along with the name. The coordinates dropped me at the edge of a town, and since they were the same ones little sister had used, I could only assume I wasn't far behind her.
At first viewing, Arcadia seemed pleasant enough; one might almost be tempted to call it quaint-the kind of quiet, sleepy place where one could relax and feel at home. For some reason, I found myself fervently hoping it would be the same when we left.
My casual inspection of the surroundings was cut short by a hail from nearby.
"Welcome to Arcadia, Stranger. Can I offer you a cool glass of juice?"
The source pf this greeting was a rather gnomish old man who was perched on the seat of a tricycle vending cart. He seemed to take my appearance, both my physical makeup and my presence at this time and place, so casually I almost replied before remembering that I had a front to maintain. It's a bit of a bother, but I've found no one will hire a well-mannered troll.
"Good! Good! Crunch thirsty!"
With my best guttural growl, I grabbed two of the offered glasses and popped them in my mouth, rolling my eyes as I chewed happily. It's a good bit ... one that seldom fails to take folks aback. The gnome, however, never batted an eye.
"Don't think I've seen you before. Stranger. What brings you to Arcadia?"
I decided to abandon any further efforts at intimidating him and instead got right to the point.
"Crunch looking for friend. Seen little woman... so high... with green hair?"
"As a matter of fact, she was just by a little bit ago. She a friend of yours?"
I nodded my head vigorously and showed my fangs.
"Crunch likes little woman. Pulled thorn from Crunch's foot once. Where little woman go?"
"Well, she asked me where the police station was, then took off in that direction... that way."
An awfully nice chap, really. I decided I could afford to unbend a little.
"Crunch thanks nice man. If nice man needs strong friend, call Crunch, okay?"
"Sure thing. And if I can help you any more, just give a holler."
I left then before we got too chummy. I mean, there are precious few people who will be civil, much less nice, to a troll, and I was afraid of getting more interested in continuing my conversation with him than with finding Tananda. For the good of Arcadia, that would never do.
As it was, I guess my little chat had taken longer than I had realized, for when I found Tananda she was sitting dejectedly on the steps of the police station, her business inside apparently already concluded. Things must have gone better than I had dared hope, as she was not incarcerated, and the building was still standing.
"What ho, little sister," I called, as cheerily as I could manage. "You look a little down at the mouth. Problems?"
"Oh. Hi ... Chumley? What are you doing here?"
Fortunately, I had anticipated this question and had my answer well rehearsed. "Just taking a bit of a holiday. I promised Aahz I would stop by this dimension and check out a few potential investments, and when Skeeve said you were here as well, I thought I would stop by and see how you were doing."
"That can be summarized in one word," she said, resting her chin in her hands once more. "Lousy."
"Run into a spot of trouble? Come, come. Tell big brother all about it."
She gave a little shrug.
"There's not all that much to tell. I'm here on a collection assignment, so I thought I'd check with the local gendarmes to see if this guy had a record or if they knew where he was."
"And..."I prompted.
"Well, they know who he is all right. It seems he's a wealthy philanthropist... has given millions for civic improvements, helps the poor, that kind of stuff."
I scratched my head and frowned.
"Doesn't sound like the sort of chap to leave a bill unpaid, does he?"
"The real problem is going to be how to check it out. It seems he's also a bit of a recluse. No one's seen him for years."
I could see why she was depressed. It didn't sound like the kind of chore that could be finished in record time, which is, of course, what she wanted to do to make a good showing.
"Could be a bit of a sticky wicket. Who is this chap, anyway?"
"The name is Hoos. Sounds like something out of Dr. Seuss, doesn't it?"
"Actually, it sounds like a bank."
"How's that again?"
Instead of repeating myself, I simply pointed. Across the street and three doors down was a building prominently labeled Hoos National Bank.
Tananda was on her feet and moving in a flash.
‘ "Thanks, Chumley. This may not be so bad after all."
"Don't forget. We're terribly close to the police station," I cautioned, hurrying to keep up.
"What do you mean, ‘we'?" she said, stopping abruptly. "This is my assignment, big brother, so don't interfere or get underfoot. Capish?"