I grinned. “To draw out the culprit,” I said. “If you and your associates were innocent you’d be concerned about the loss of life. And Don deDondon here knew about an explosion even though Massha never used the word. He was thinking about it, because he’d rigged one to go off.”
“But it did!” the scrawny don protested. “I felt it.”
“A little subsonic vibration, courtesy of Massha’s magik,” I said, with a bow to her. “Nothing too difficult for a member of M.Y.T.H., Inc., which is why Don Bruce employs us to watch out for his interests in the Bazaar at Deva.”
The Fairy Godfather turned as purple as his suit. He spun in the air to face the cowering don. “You wanted me to lose face in front of my valued associates? Surleone, Guido, Nunzio, please escort our former employee back to the Bazaar. I’ll be along shortly.” The meaty mafioso took deDondon by the arm and flicked a D-hopper out of his pocket. In a twinkling, they were gone.
Don Bruce hovered over to take Massha’s hand. “I offer my sincere apologies if anything that I or my people have done to mar your wedding day in even the slightest way. I’ll send someone with the counterspell to pack the house up again. I hope you and your husband have a long and happy life together. You made a beautiful bride.” In a flutter of violet wings, he was gone, too.
“I’m glad that’s over,” I said, draining the rest of the ale. “Take that silly dragon back to the stables, and let’s keep the party rolling.”
Gleep’s ears drooped.
“Now, Aahz,” Massha said, “you owe him an apology. If it wasn’t for Gleep, the palace would have been blown sky high.”
The dragon rolled huge blue eyes at me. I fought with my inner self, but at last I had to admit she was right.
“I’m sorry, Gleep,” I told him. “You were a hero.”
“Gleep!” the dragon exclaimed happily. His long tongue darted out and slimed my face. I jumped back, swearing.
“And no one tells Skeeve what happened here tonight!” I insisted. “None of it! Not a word!”
“Who, me?” Massha asked, innocently, as Badaxe wandered in out of the shadows, in search of his wife. She sauntered over and attached herself to his arm with a fluid langour that would have been a credit to Tanda. “In a few minutes I’ll be on my honeymoon. Nighty-night, Aahz.”
MYTHING IN DREAMLAND
The dark green roof of the forest stretched out endlessly in every direction. To most, it would look like an idylic paradise. To me, it was a major problem.
I gazed out over the massed pine trees, wondering what kind of wilderness we’d gotten stuck in. A few bare crests, like the one I was sitting on, protruded above the treeline, but they were miles away. None of it looked familiar, but no reason why it should. There were thousands of dimensions in existence, and I’d only been to a few.
At the very least, it was an embarassement. Here I was, considered publicly to be a hotshot magician, the great Skeeve, utterly lost because I’d tripped and fallen through a magic mirror.
I went through my belt pouch for the D-hopper. I was sure it was there somewhere. I wasn’t alone, of course. Behind me, my partner and teacher Aahz paced up and down impatiently.
“I told you not to touch anything in Bezel’s shop,” the Pervect snarled. When a native of the dimension called Perv snarls, other species blanch. The expression shows off a mouth full of 4-inch razor-honed fangs set in a scaly green face that even dragons considered terrifying. I was used to it, and besides, I was pretty much to blame for his bad mood.
“Who’d have thought anybody could fall through a looking glass?” I tried to defend myself, but my partner wasn’t listening.
“If you had paid attention to a single thing I’ve said over the last however many years it’s been…” Aahz held up a scaly palm in my direction. “No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. Garkin at least should have warned you.”
“I know,” I said. “It’s my fault.”
“It’s just basic common sense when it comes to magik. Don’t eat anything that says “Eat me.” Don’t drink anything that says “Drink me.” And don’t touch Klahdforsaken magik mirrors with barriers around them that say “Don’t touch!..what did you say?” Aahz spun around on his heel.
“I said I know it’s my fault. I was just trying to keep Gleep from eating the frame,” I explained, sheepishly.
“Gleep!” the dragon added brightly, beside me.
“So why didn’t you tie him up before we went in?” Aahz said.
“I did tie him up!” I protested. “You know I did. You saw me knot the leash around a post.” But we could both make an educated guess as to what had happened.
My dragon was not allowed in most reputable places? or what passed for reputable at the Bazaar at Deva, the largest trading area anywhere in the multitude of dimensions. It often happened that unscrupulous Deveel shop proprietors ridded themselves of unwanted merchandise at a profit, by arranging for accidents to occur. Such as having a convenient fire during for which time the owners have an unshakeable alibi. Such as leaving the door ajar while they just run next door to borrow a cup of sugar. Such as loosening the tether on a baby dragon whose reputation for clumsiness was almost as impressive as its masters’ reputation for magical skill and deep pockets. Said dragon would go charging after its beloved owner. Merchandise would start to hit the tent floor as soon as it entered. More goods, not even close to being in range of said rampaging dragon, would shatter into pieces. Outraged shopkeeper would appear demanding reimbursement at rates inflated four or five times the true worth. Unlucky customer would be forced to shell out or risk expulsion (or worse) from the bazaar. All genuine valuables would have been removed from the shop ahead of time, of course.
“Maybe one of Bezel’s rivals let him loose,” I suggested hopefully, not liking my skills at tying knots to be called into question.
“What were you doing looking at that mirror anyhow?”
I felt a little silly admitting the truth, but it had been my curiosity that had gotten us stranded out here. “Massha told me about it. She said this was a really great item. It shows the looker his fondest dream.…Naturally, I wanted to see if it was anything we could use in our business. You know, to scope out our clients, find out what it is they really want…”
“And what did you see?” Aahz asked quickly.
“Only my own dreams,” I said, wondering why Aahz was so touchy. “Daydreams, really. Me, surrounded by our friends, rich, happy, with a beautiful girl…” Although the mirror had been a little sketchy about the actual physical details I remembered vivid impressions of pulchritude and sex appeal.
A slow smile spread over Aahz’s scaly features. “You know those dream girls, partner. They never turn out like you hope they will.”
I frowned. “Yes, but if it’s your own dream, wouldn’t she be exactly what you want? How about yours? What did you see?”
“Nothing,” Aahz said flatly. “I didn’t look.”
“But you did,” I insisted, grabbing onto a fleeting memory of Aahz with an astonished expression on his face. “What did you see?”
“Forget it, apprentice! It was a big fake. Bezel probably had a self-delusion spell put on the mirror to spur someone stupid like you into buying it. When you got home you’d have seen nothing reflected in it but Bezel’s fantasy of a genuine sucker.”
“No, I’m sure the mirror was real,” I said thoughtfully. I knew what I’d daydreamed over the years, but those wishes had been piecemeal, little things now and again. I’d never had such a coherent and complete vision of my fantasies. “Come on, Aahz, what did you see?”
“None of your business!”