Earthquakes. Tidal waves. He couldn't keep them out.
Maybe it is. Maybe Trip's seized up my whole body. If I even still have a body. How would I know?
Fires.
Oh Jesus. I'll give everything away…
Threads of emerald light, lancing through the fog.
"Think of containment protocols. Think of collateral damage."
Stop it, stop it…
"Did you plan it?"
No! No, I—
"Did you know in advance?"
How could I, they don't tell me any—
"Did you find out afterward?"
If Trip's working, my body's already dead. Oh motherfucking blood-spewing sickle-celled savior…
"Did you approve?"
What kind of stupid question is that?
Nothing, for a very long time.
I feel awful, Desjardins thought. Then: Hey—
Despair, guilt, fear—chemicals, all. Hormones and neurotransmitters, a medley brewed not just in the brain, but in glands throughout the body. The physical body.
I'm still alive. I've still got a body even if I can'tfeel it.
"Let's talk about you," said the voice at last. "How have you been lately, healthwise? Have you had any cuts or injuries? Anything to break the skin?"
I'm feeling a bit better, thank you.
"Any symptoms of illness?
"Any inoculations within the past two weeks?
"Blood tests? Unusual reactions to recreational transderms?
"Real sexual experiences?"
Never. I'd never inflict that on a person…
Silence.
Hey. You there?
With a blinding flash and a roar like an angry ocean, the real world crashed in from all sides.
After a while everything desaturated to normal intensity. He stared up at his living room ceiling and waited while a cacophony of ambient sounds faded down to a single, rhythmic scrubbing.
Someone's in here.
He tried to rise; a sharp pain in his neck kept him from any sudden moves, but he managed to get erect and stay that way. In only the most innocent sense, unfortunately; his feedback skin was folded neatly to one side. He was completely naked.
The scrubbing sound was coming from the bathroom.
He didn't have any weapons. At this point he didn't think he needed any; if the intruder had meant to kill him, he'd be dead already. Desjardins stepped tentatively toward the hallway and nearly took a header into the wall; Mandelbrot, true to form, had got in his way and tried the classic feline figure-eight-around-the-legs takedown.
Desjardins spared a silent curse and crept toward the bathroom.
Someone was standing at the sink without any pants on.
Seen from the back: medium height, but built like a Ballard stack. Dark hair, flecked with gray; navy cable-knit sweater; black underwear; little scars all over the backs of the legs. Bare feet. His pants were draped along the counter; he was scrubbing at one leg in the sink.
"Your cat pissed on me," he said without turning.
Desjardins shook his head; his neck reminded him of the stupidity of that gesture. "What?"
"When we had our session," the stranger said. (Desjardins glanced in the mirror but the man's face was tilted down, intent on his task.) "I assume someone in your position knows about Ganzfeld techniques?"
"I've heard of them," Desjardins said.
"Then you know you have to minimize extraneous signal. Nerve blocks on all the main sensory cables, everything. I was just as disconnected as you."
"But you were talking—"
The intruder nudged a small beige fanny-pack on the floor with his foot. "That was talking. I just set up the dialogue tree. Anyway," — he straightened, his back still to the door—"your stupid cat pissed on my leg when I was laid out."
Good for my stupid cat, Desjardins didn't say.
"I thought only dogs were supposed to do that."
Desjardins shrugged. "Mandelbrot's kind of a mutant."
The intruder grunted, and turned.
He wasn't exactly ugly. More like what would result if someone with limited artisan skills carved a human face in a totem pole; it might not run to your taste, but there was no denying a certain crude aesthetic. More tiny scars on the face. Still; not quite ugly.
Scary, though. That fit. Desjardins didn't know exactly what it was that made him think that.
"You're immune to Guilt Trip," the intruder told him. "Want to guess how that happened?"
The Algebra of Guilt
The naked 'lawbreaker was watching him with wary curiosity. Not much actual fear, Lubin noted. When you routinely juggled thousands of lives for a living, you probably figured that other people were the ones with cause to worry. Sudbury was a safe, law-abiding place. Wielding his godlike control over the real world, Desjardins had probably forgotten what it was like to actually live in it.
"Who are you?" Desjardins asked.
"Name's Colin," Lubin said.
"Uh-huh. And why does Rowan have such a hard-on for testing my loyalty?"
"Maybe you didn't hear me," Lubin said. "You're immune to Guilt Trip."
"I heard you. I just think you're full of shit."
"Really." Lubin laid the slightest emphasis on the word.
"Nice try, Colin, but I kind of keep up on that stuff."
"I see."
"Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's indestructible. Just off the top of my head I can think of a few commercial enzymes that break it down The right kind of reuptake inhibitor blockers could do the job too, I'm told. That's why they have these tests, you see? That's why I can barely go two days without some bloodhound sniffing my crotch. Believe me, if I was immune to Guilt Trip I'd already know it, and so would every security database up to geosynch. And you know, the really odd thing about this is that Rowan must know that alread—"
He never had a chance to move. Lubin was behind him in the space of a syllable, had one arm locked around his throat in two. The long curved needle in his other hand tickled Desjardins's eardrum suggestively.
"You have three seconds to tell me what it's called," Lubin whispered, relaxing his grip just enough to permit some semblance of speech.
"ßehemoth," Desjardins gasped.
Lubin tightened his grip again. "Place of origin. Two seconds." Relaxed it.
"Deep sea! Juan de Fuca, Channer Vent I thin—"
"Worst-case scenario. One."
"Everything dies, for fuck's sake! Everything just fades away…"
Lubin let him go.
Desjardins staggered forward against the sink, gulping air. Lubin could see his face reflected in the mirror: panic subsiding, the higher brain kicking in, reassessment of threat potential, dawning awareness of—
Three breaches he'd just committed. Three violations when Guilt Trip should have risen from within and throttled him even more tightly than Lubin just had…
Achilles Desjardins turned and faced Lubin with horror and fear spreading across his face.
"Maudite marde …"
"I told you, " Lubin said. "You're a free agent. Vive le gardien libre."
"How'd you do it?" Desjardins slumped morosely on the couch next to his clothes. "More to the point, why? The next time I show up for work I'm screwed. Rowan knows that. What's she trying to prove?"
"I'm not here for Rowan," Lubin said. "Rowan's the problem, in fact. I'm here on behalf of her superiors."
"Yeah?" Desjardins actually seemed to approve of that. Not surprising. Patricia Rowan had never exactly endeared herself to the lower ranks.
"There are concerns that some of the information we've received from her office has been tainted," Lubin continued. "I'm here to cut out the middleman and get the unadulterated truth. You're going to help me."
"And I'm not much good to you if my brain seizes up every time you ask a touchy question."
"Yes."
Desjardins began getting dressed. "Why not just go through channels? GT won't raise a peep if I know the orders are coming from higher up the food chain."
"Rowan would peep."
"Oh. Right." Desjardins pulled his shirt on over his head. "So tell me if I've got this down: you ask me a bunch of questions, and if I don't answer them to the best of my ability you stick a needle in my ear. If I do, you let me go and the next time I go to work I set off more sirens than I can count. They take me apart piece by piece to find out what went wrong, and if I'm very very lucky they'll just throw me into the street as a security risk. Is that about right?"
"Not exactly," Lubin said.
"What, then?"
"I'm not the snuff fairy," Lubin said. In fact, that was exactly what someone had called him, nearly two years before. "I don't leap gaily from door to door killing people for no good reason. And you're going to do more than answer a few questions for me. You're going to take me to work and show me your files."
"Not after—"
Lubin held up a derm between thumb and forefinger. "Trip analog. Short-lived and fairly inert, but it looks pretty much the same to a bloodhound. Stick it under your tongue fifteen minutes before getting to work and you'll pass the tests. If you cooperate, no one will know the difference."
"Until you bugger off and take your analog with you."
"You're forgetting how Guilt Trip works, Desjardins. Your own cells are producing the stuff. I haven't stopped that. I've just dosed you with something to break down the finished product before it hits your motor nerves. Eventually it'll get used up and you'll be a happy little slave again."
"How long?"
"Week or ten days. Depends on individual metabolism. Even if I do bugger off, you could always just call in sick until it wears off."
"I can't, and you know it. I got my immunes boosted when I joined the Patrol. I'm even immune to Supercol."
Lubin shrugged. "Then you'll just have to trust me."