Blink - Suddenly he was alone, and exhausted; chilled to the bone. An army filled the pass before him, and at the forefront of that army, a single man who could have been Vanyel's twin, save only that his eyes and hair were deepest black - a dark mirror to Vanyel's silver eyes and silvered hair, and as if to carry the parody to its extreme, he wore clothing cut identically to Heraldic Whites, only of ebony black.
“I know you,” he heard himself say.
The man smiled. “Indeed.”
“You - you are -”
“Leareth.” The word was Tayledras for “darkness.” The man smiled. “A quaint conceit, don't you think?”
And Vanyel knew -
He woke, shaking like a leaf in a gale; his chest heaved as he gasped for breath, clutching the blanket.
He was cold, bone-cold, yet drenched with sweat. It was the old dream, the ice-dream, the dream where I die - I haven't had that dream for years -
Stefen lay beside him, sprawled over the edge of the bed, oblivious to Van's panting for air. Though the candles were out, Van could see him by moonlight streaming in the window. The storm had blown itself out, leaving the sky clear and clean; the moonlight was bright enough to read by, and Vanyel saw the bright points of stars glittering against the sky through the windowpane.
Vanyel controlled his breathing, and lay back, forcing his heart to slow. He blinked up into the dark canopy of the bed, still caught in the cold claws of the nightmare.
I haven't had that dream for years -except this time it was different. This time, it wasn't 'Lendel that was with me. Except - except it felt like 'Lendel. I thought it was 'Lendel until I turned around, and it was Stef. . . .
The young Bard sighed, and turned over, bringing his face into the moonlight. Lying beside Stef, for a moment - for a moment it had been, it had felt like being beside Tylendel, his love and lifebonded.
Lifebonded.
Only then did he realize why Stefen “felt” like Tylendel. The tie was the same; Vanyel was not only in love with the Bard, he had lifebonded to him. There was no mistaking that tie, especially not for an Empath.
No -
But there was no denying it, either. Vanyel suppressed a groan; if being attracted to Stefen had been a betrayal of 'Lendel's memory, then what was this? He couldn't think; he felt his stomach knot and a lump in his throat. He had loved 'Lendel; he still did.
He thought that he would lie awake until dawn, but somehow exhaustion got the better of confused thoughts and tangled emotions, and sleep stole over him. . . .
:It's about time you got here,: Yfandes said, with a knowing look :Honestly, Van, you make things so complicated for yourself sometimes. Well, come on.:
She turned adroitly, and flicked her tail at him, looking back at him over her shoulder. :Well? Aren't you coming?:
“Where am I?” he asked, looking about himself. There wasn't anything to be seen in any direction; wherever he looked, there was nothing but featureless gray fog. He and Yfandes were all alone in it, so far as he could see.
:Where are you?: she repeated, her mind-voice warm and amused :You're dreaming, of course. Or rather, in Dream-time. There is a difference. Now are you coming, or not?:
He followed her, having nothing better to do; the peculiar fog thickened until he could hardly see her. He tried to catch up with her, but she always managed to stay the same distance ahead of him. Finally, all he could make out of her was a vague, glowing-white shape in the swirling fog.
A tendril of fog wrapped around his head, blinding him completely. He faltered, tried to bat it away -
And stumbled into an exact duplicate of the grove in Companion's Field where he and 'Lendel had spent so many hours. The same grove that 'Lendel had destroyed. . . .
“Well, ashke,” said a heartbreakingly familiar voice behind him. “You certainly took your time getting here.”
He turned, slowly, afraid of what he might see, especially after what he and Stef had done.
“Don't be an idiot,” Tylendel said, shaking back hair as gold as the summer sun filtering through the pine boughs above him. “Why should I mind?”
Tylendel lounged against the rough trunk of a tree with his arms crossed over his chest, looking little older than when he'd died, but dressed in the Whites he hadn't yet earned in life. He raised one golden eyebrow quizzically at Van, then grinned. “Why, Van - that's twice in one day you've been moonstruck. Is this getting to be a habit?” Then, softer, “What's wrong Vanyel-ashke?”
As Vanyel stood, rooted to the spot, Tylendel pushed himself away from the tree, crossed the few feet between them and took him in his strong, warm arms. Sharp scents rose from the crushed pine needles beneath their feet. Vanyel returned the embrace; hesitantly at first, then, with a sob that was half relief and half grief, held his beloved so tightly his arms hurt.
“Here, now,” 'Lendel said, holding him gently. “What's the matter? Why should I be angry with you because you found someone to love who loves you?”
“Because - because I love you -” It seemed a foolish fear, now-
“Van-ashke, what's the point in suffering all your life for one mistake?” 'Lendel let go of him and stepped back a little, so that he could look down into Vanyel's eyes. “You don't give up a chance at happiness just because you've already been happy once in your life! Havens, that's like saying you'll never eat again because you've been a guest at one grand feast!”
'Lendel chuckled warmly; as his smile reached and warmed his brown eyes, Van found himself smiling back. “I guess that is kind of stupid,” he replied with a touch of chagrin. “But I never did think too clearly when my emotions were involved.”
'Lendel's smile faded a little. “Neither of us did,” he said, soberly. “Me especially. Van - you know, I didn't love you enough, and I'm sorry.”
Vanyel started to protest; 'Lendel put one finger on his lips to quiet him. “This is honesty; I didn't love you enough. If I had, I would have cared more about what was good for you than what I wanted. I'm sorry, ashke, and I think perhaps I've learned better. I hope so. Because - oh, Van - I want to make it up to you more than anything. If you can believe in anything, please, believe that. And believe that I love you.”
He bent down and touched his lips to Vanyel's.
Vanyel woke with a start, wrapped in Stefen's arms. For a moment, he thought he could still smell the scent of crushed pine needles, and feel the breeze on his cheek.
“- love you,” Stefen whispered in his ear, then subsided into deep breathing that told Van he was still really asleep.
'Lendel. That was 'Lendel. What in hell did all that mean? Van wondered, still slightly disoriented. What in hell did all that mean? He stared, wide-eyed, into the darkness. He would have liked to talk to Yfandes, but a gentle Mindtouch showed her to be deep in slumber.