Magic, Inc

Robert Heinlein Magic, Inc

'Whose spells are you using, buddy?' That was the first thing this bird said after coming into my place of business, He had hung around maybe twenty minutes, until I was alone, looking at samples of waterproof pigment, fiddling with plumbing catalogues, and monkeying with the hardware display. I didn't like his manner. I don't mind a legitimate business inquiry from a customer_ but I resent gratuitus snooping.

Various of the local licensed practitioners of thaumaturgy,' I told him in a tone that was chilly but polite. Why do you ask?'

You didn't answer my question,' he pointed out. Come on - speak up. I ain't got all day.'

I restrained myself. I require my clerks to he polite, and, while I was pretty sure this chap would never be a customer, I didn't want to break my own rules. If you are thinking of buying anything,' I said, I will be happy to tell you what magic, if any, is used in producing it, and who the magician is.

Now you're not being cooperative,' he complained. We like for people to be cooperative. You never can tell what bad luck you may run into not cooperating.'

Who d'you mean by we, I snapped, dropping all pretence of politeness, and what do you mean by bad luck?'

'Now we're getting somewhere,' he said with a nasty grin, and settled himself on the edge of the counter so that he breathed into my face He was short and swarthy - Sicilian, I judged and dressed in a suit that was overtailered. His clothes and haberdashery matched perfectly in a color scheme that I didn't like. 'I'll tell you what I mean by "we"; I'm a field representatve for an organisation that protects people. from bad luck - if they're smart, and cooperative. That's why I asked you whose charms you're usin'. Some of the magicians around here aren't cooperative; it spoils their luck, and that bad luck follows their products.

'Go on.' I said. I wanted him to commit himself as far as he would.

I knew you were smart,' he answered. F'rinstance - how would you like for a salamander to get loose in your shop, setting fire to your goods and maybe scaring your customers? Or you sell the materials to build a house, and it turns out there's a Poltergeist living in it, breaking the dishes and souring the milk and kicking the furniture around. That's what can come of dealing with the wrong magicians. A little of that and your business is ruined. We wouldn't want that to happen, would we?' He favoured me with another leer.

I said nothing; he went on, Now, we maintain a staff of the finest demonologists in the business, expert magicians themselves, who can report on how a magician conducts himself in the Half World, and whether or not he's likely to bring his clients bad luck. Then we advise our clients whom to deal with, and keep them from having bad luck. See?'

I saw all right. I wasn't born yesterday. The magicians I dealt with were local men that I had known for years, men with established reputations both here and in the Half World. They didn't do anything to stir up the elementals against them, and they did not have bad luck.

What this slimy item meant was that I should deal only with the magicians they selected at whatever fees they chose to set, and they would take a cut on the fees and also on the profits of my business. If I didn't choose to cooperate', I'd be persecuted by elementals they had an arrangement with - renegades, probably, with human vices - my stock in trade spoiled and my customers frightened away. If I still held out, I could expect some really dangerous black magic that would injure or kill me. All this under the pretence of selling me protection from men I knew and liked.

A neat racket!

I had heard of something of the sort back East, but had not expected it in a city as small as ours. He sat there, smirking at me, waiting for my reply, and twisting his neck in his collar, which was too tight. That caused me to notice something. In spite of his foppish clothes a thread showed on his neck just above the collar in back. It seemed likely that it was there to support something next to his skin - an amulet. If so, he was superstitious, even in this day and age.

There's something you've omitted,' I told him. I'm a seventh son, born under a caul, and I've got second sight. My luck's all right, but I can see bad luck hovering over you like cypress over a grave!' I reached out and snatched at the thread. It snapped and came loose in my hand. There was an amulet on it, rght enough, an unsavoury little wad of nothing in particular and about as appetizing as the bottom of a bird cage. I dropped it on the floor and ground it into the dirt.

He had jumped off the counter and stood facing me, breathing hard. A knife showed up in his right hand; with his left hand he was warding off the evil eye, the first and little fingers pointed at me, making the horns of Asmodeus. I knew I had him - for the time being.

Here's some magic you may not have heard of,' I rapped out, and reached into a drawer behind the counter. I hauled Out a pistol and pointed it at his face. Cold iron! Now go back to your owner and tell him there's cold iron waiting for him, too - both ways!'

He backed away, never taking his eyes off my face. If looks could kill, and so forth. At the door he paused and spat on the doorsill, then got out of sight very quickly.

I put the gun away and went about my work, waiting on two customers who came in just as Mr Nasty Business left. But I will admit that I was worried. A man's reputation is his most valuable asset. I've built up a name, while still a young man, for dependable products. It was certain that this bird and his pals would do all they could to destroy that name - which might be plenty if they were hooked in with black magicians!

Of course the building-materials game does not involve as much magic as other lines dealing in less durable goods. People like to know, when they are building a home, that the bed won't fall into the basement some night, or the roof disappear and leave them out in the rain.

Besides, building involves quite a lot of iron, and there are very few commercial sorcerers who can cope with cold iron. The few that can are so expensive it isn't economical to use them in building. Of course if one of the cafй-society crowd, or somebody like that, wants to boast that they have a summerhouse or a swimming pool built entirely by magic, I'll accept the contract, charging accordingly, and sublet it to one of the expensive, first-line magicians. But by and large my business uses magic only in the side issues - perishable items and doodads which people like to buy cheap and change from time to time.

So I was not worried about magic in my business, but about what magic could do to my business - if someone set out deliberately to do me mischief. I had the subject of magic on my mind, anyhow, because of an earlier call from a chap named Ditworth - not a matter of vicious threats, just a business proposition that I was undecided about. But it worried me, just the same,

I closed up a few minutes early and went over to see Jedson - a friend of mine in the cloak-and-suit business. He is considerably older than I am, and quite a student, without holding a degree, in all forms of witchcraft, white and black magic, necrology, demonology, spells, charms, and the more practical forms of divination. Besides that, Jedson is a shrewd, capable man in every way, with a long head on him. I set a lot of store by his advice.

I expected to find him in his office, and more or less free, at that hour, but he wasn't. His office boy directed me up to a room he used for sales conferences. I knocked and then pushed the door.

Hello, Archie,' he called out as soon as he saw who it was. Come on in. I've got something.' And he turned away.

I came in and looked around. Besides Joe Jedson there was a handsome, husky woman about thirty years old in a nurse's uniform, and a fellow named August Welker, Jedson's foreman. He was a handy all-around man with a magician's licence, third class. Then I noticed a fat little guy, Zadkiel Feldstein, who was agent for a good many of the second-rate magicians along the street, and some few of the first-raters. Naturally, his religion prevented him from practising magic himself, but, as I understand it, there was no theological objection to his turning an honest commission. I had had dealings with him; he was all right.