The proponent spoke first. Mr Speaker,' he said, I ask for a "Yes vote on this bill, A B 79. Its purpose is quite simple and the advantages obvious. A very large part of the overhead cost of recovering crude oil from the ground lies in the uncertainties of prospecting and drilling. With the aid of the Little People this item can be reduced to an estimated 7 per cent of its present dollar cost, and the price of gasoline and other petroleum products to the people can be greatly lessened.
The matter of underground gas pressure is a little more technical, but suffice it to say that it takes, in round numbers, a thousand cubic feet of natural gas to raise one barrel of oil to the surface. If we can get intelligent supervision of drilling operations far underground, where no human being can go, we can make the most economical use of this precious gas pressure.
The only rational objection to this bill lies in whether or not we can deal with the gnomes on favourable terms. I believe that we can, for the Administration has some excellent connexions in the Hall World. The gnomes are willing to negotiate in order to put a stop to the present condition of chaos in which human engineers drill blindly, sometimes wrecking their homes and not infrequently violating their sacred places. They not unreasonably claim everything under the surface as their kingdom, but are willing to make any reasonable concession to abate what is to them an intolerable nuisance.
If this treaty works out well, as it will, we can expect to arrange other treaties which will enable us to exploit all of the metal and mineral resources of this state under conditions highly advantageous to us and not hurtful to the gnomes. Imagine, if you please, having a gnome with his X-ray eyes peer into a mountainside and locate a rich vein of gold for you!'
It seemed very reasonable, except that, having once seen the king of the gnomes, I would not trust him very far, unless Mrs Jennings did the negotiating.
As soon as the proponent sat down, another member jumped up and just as vigorously denounced it. He was older than most of the members, and I judged him to be a country lawyer. His accent placed him in the northern part of the state, well away from the oil country. Mr Speaker,' he bellowed, I ask for a vote of "No! . Who would dream that an American legislature would stoop to such degrading nonsense? Have any of you ever seen a gnome? Have you any reason to believe that gnomes exist? This is just a cheap piece of political chicanery to do the public out of its proper share of the natural resources of our great state-'
He was interrupted by a question. Does the honourable member from Lincoln County mean to imply that he has no belief in magic? Perhaps he does not believe in the radio or the telephone either.'
Not at all. If the Chair will permit, I will state my position so clearly that even my respected colleague on the other side of the house will understand it. There are certain remarkable developments in human knowledge in general use which are commonly referred to by the laity as magic. These principles are well understood and are taught, I am happy to say, in our great publicly owned institutions for higher learning. I have every respect for the legitimate practitioners thereof. But, as I understand it, although I am not myself a practitioner of the great science, there is nothing in it that requires a belief in the Little People.
But let us stipulate, for the sake of argument, that the Little People do exist. Is that any reason to pay them blackmail? Should the citizens of this commonwealth pay cumshaw to the denizens of the underworld-' He waited for his pun to be appreciated. It wasn't. -for that which is legally and rightfully ours? If this ridiculous principle is pushed to its logical conclusion, the farmers and dairymen I am proud to number among my constituents will be required to pay toll to the elves before they can milk their cows!'
Someone slid into the seat beside me. I glanced around, saw that it was Jedson, and questioned him with my eyes. Nothing doing now,' he whispered. We've got some time to kill and might as well do it here' - and he turned to the debate.
Somebody had gotten up to reply to the old duck with the Daniel Webster complex. Mr Speaker, if the honoured member is quite through with his speech - I did not quite catch what office he is running for! - I would like to invite the attention of this body to the precedented standing in jurisprudence of elements of every nature, not only in Mosaic law, Roman law, the English common law, but also in the appellate court of our neighbouring state to the south. I am confident that anyone possessing even an elementary knowledge of the law will recognize the case I have in mind without citation, but for the benefit of-'
Mr Speaker! I move to amend by striking out the last word.'
A stratagem to gain the floor,' Joe whispered.
Is it the purpose of the honourable member who preceded me to imply-'
It went on and on. I turned to Jedson and asked, I can't figure out this chap who is speaking; a while ago he was hollering about cows. What's he afraid of, religious prejudices?'
Partly that; he's from a very conservative district. But he's lined up with the independent oilmen. They don't want the state setting the terms; they think they can do better dealing with the gnomes directly.'
But what interest has he got in oil? There's no oil in his district.'
No, but there is outdoor advertising. The same holding company that controls the so-called independent oilmen holds a voting trust in the Countryside Advertising Corporation. And that can be awfully important to him around election time.
The Speaker looked our way, and an assistant sergeant at arms threaded his way towards us. We shut up. Someone moved the order of the day, and the oil bill was put aside for one of the magic bills that had already come out of committee. This was a bill to outlaw every sort of magic, witchcraft, thaumaturgy.
No one spoke for it but the proponent, who launched into a diatribe that was more scholarly than logical. He quoted extensively from Blackstone's Commentaries and the records of the Massachusetts trials, and finished up with his head thrown back, one finger waving wildly to heaven and shouting,' "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live! '
No one bothered to speak against it; it was voted on immediately without roll call, and, to my complete bewilderment, passed without a single nay! I turned to Jedson and found him smiling at the expression on my face.
It doesn't mean a thing, Archie,' he said quietly.
Huh?'
He's a party wheel horse who had to introduce that bill to please a certain bloc of his constituents.'
You mean he doesn't believe in the bill himself?'
Oh no, he believes in it all right, but he also knows it is hopeless. It has evidently been agreed to let him pass it over here in the Assembly this session so that he would have something to take home to his people. Now it will go to the senate committee and die there; nobody will ever hear of it again.'
I guess my voice carries too well, for my reply got us a really dirty look from the Speaker. We got up hastily and left.
Once outside I asked Joe what had happened that he was back so soon. He would not touch it,' he told me. Said that he couldn't afford to antagonize the association.'
Does that finish us?'
Not at all. Sally and I are going to see another member right after lunch. He's tied up in a committee meeting at the moment.'