“I know, Dad.” I wondered how well he knew each of us, if he knew our secrets or suspected them, and if his love was strong enough to overcome them. I once saw Lui at a Waikiki nightclub, right after his first child was born, kissing a young Chinese prostitute in a tight cheongsam. I worked with Haoa one summer and knew he padded invoices he was supposed to pass along to clients at cost. None of us were perfect, not even my father, though I still retained an image of him as an honorable man, the kind I would like to grow up to be. Someday.
He knew nothing else of Tommy Pang’s business, and had been paid in full. The checks had been drawn on Hui 812, the same business that owned the club.
My mother tried to get us to eat dessert or have coffee. “I must call Uncle Chin,” my father said. I didn’t want to overhear him so I went into the kitchen with my mother.
“It’s good that you come to see your father,” she said, sitting at the kitchen table with a deck of cards in front of her. She held them up to me. “You want to play?”
I shook my head. She shuffled and began to deal herself a complicated solitaire game. “He misses his boys. He’s starting to retire, you know. Smaller jobs, more time between them.”
“How is that for you?”
She didn’t look at me as she played. “Your father and I married for love. Not like some women I know, married only for money or power. I still love your father. Sometimes I can’t stand him, but I still love him. So we’re all right.”
My father came into the kitchen. “You should go past Uncle Chin’s again on your way home.”
I kissed my mother’s cheek and said goodbye. My father walked me to the door.
“You want to come?”
“Some things it’s better friends not know.” He watched me walk down the driveway. “Come home more,” he called, as I opened the truck door. “We miss you.”
My eyes stung as I swung up into the cab.
Uncle Chin was still out on the porch with the birds and the flowers, though it was dark all around him and there was only a small light on by the doorway. I sat down across from him in the semi-darkness. “I apologize, Kimo,” he said, as my eyes adjusted to the gloom. “Should have been more honest with you.” He spread his hands open. “Sometimes know too much, just as bad as know nothing. Have nothing to say.”
“You knew Tommy Pang. Tell me about him.”
“He wore diamonds. Diamond pinkie ring, gold bracelet with diamonds. He said he was hard, like diamond. He was.”
I waited. “There is a way to do even dishonorable business with honor,” Uncle Chin said finally. “Tommy not like that. Everything his way, no changes. Hard, like diamond. Don’t want to cross Tommy. Three men, I know he killed. I didn’t see, no, don’t know for sure one hundred percent, but I know. The world not miss Tommy Pang.”
But his son will, I thought. His son, who wanted only to please his father, but never could.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” I asked gently. “I know who you are, Uncle. I am a policeman, after all.”
“But you only know me as old man,” he said. He waved a hand at me. “Yes, you have memories, when you were boy. But before, even, when I still lived China, I was young man once. Wild, disrespectful, concerned only with myself. I did many bad things. Stole money, hurt people, went with many women. One woman had child, she said was mine. I left, go Hong Kong, met Aunt Mei-Mei. We come here.”
A parrot squawked in the darkness and I shifted on my chair.
“Aunt Mei-Mei no can have more children, after Robert. You remember Robert?” I nodded, and he smiled. “After Robert die, I think of my child in China. When he is young man, I get him Hong Kong. Then Hawai‘i. I think, he my son. I give him what I have.” He shook his head. “He no want. I tell you, Tommy Pang, he hard man.” He looked straight at me. “Like his father when young.”
The shock knocked me back a little in my seat. A dozen ideas suddenly ricocheted around in my brain. I’d always had this image of Uncle Chin as basically harmless, an old friend of my father’s who’d always been kind to me, even when my own father raged. When I was a kid and my father was angry, yelling and chasing one of us around with his belt, only Uncle Chin could calm him down. Now I saw that Uncle Chin was full of his own secrets, his own fury.
On the drive back to Waikiki, I wondered about my father. When I was a kid, he worked most of the time, often doing the work of his subcontractors on weekends. He would disappear on Sunday mornings, and return in the evening, daubed with paint or sheet rock dust, and then turn around on Monday and go back to being the general contractor. I only wanted to be with him, to know that he loved me, to seek in his arms protection from my bullying brothers. Too often, though, he brought anger home with him from those construction sites, and he brooded or yelled or disappeared instead of spending time with his boys.
The latest studies said that homosexuality was genetic, that it was imprinted on me at birth. But as I drove under the starlit sky down to Waikiki, I wondered if I was still looking for my father’s love, and I felt sorry for Derek Pang, who had lost the chance to gain his father’s love, and for Tommy Pang, who would never know that his father sat among his birds and flowers and cried for him.
SURFING PRACTICE
Friday morning I told Akoni most of what I had learned the night before. It didn’t seem relevant to the case, for example, that my father had recently renovated the Rod and Reel Club. But the rest of it might have a bearing on our case.
I had asked Uncle Chin to see if anyone in a tong had a grudge against Tommy Pang. His parentage, it turned out, was an open secret among the tongs, Tommy’s connection to Uncle Chin being his ticket in. “Be careful,” I had warned as I left his lanai.
Uncle Chin had smiled. “To be old man in my business must be careful. No worry about me, Kimo.” He stood up quickly, and I was surprised at the vigor he could generate when he wanted to. “He was hard man, but he was my son. I find out what I can.”
“Great,” Akoni said. “First we get your geek friend to help us break into the dead guy’s computer, now we’ve got some old used-to-be tong guy checking out leads for us. We’re a great pair of investigators, you know that?”
Just the fact that Akoni still referred to us as a pair made me feel good. “This is a case that is not getting solved,” Akoni said. “These tong guys, they bring in a hit man from Hong Kong to do this kind of thing, and he’s already on a plane out of here by now.”
Peggy Kaneahe finally returned my call, and I went over to her office to work on a subpoena for Tommy’s cell phone records. She was having a bad week, it was clear, and she snapped at me three times during the hour we spent together. Her skin was pale and waxy, like she wasn’t getting any sun, and her nails had been bitten down to the quick. She wore a black business suit with a white silk blouse, and no jewelry, not even a ring or earrings. Her watch was a simple Timex, and her hair was almost as short as mine.
“I’m not your punching bag, Peggy,” I said after the third snap. “Tell me what’s wrong, or I’m going back to the station and we’ll finish this when you’re in a better mood.”
“I feel like I don’t know you anymore, Kimo.” She got up from behind her desk and walked over to the wall of law books. “When I came back to Honolulu, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to see you. I was still mad at you. Then we worked together on the Davis case, and I remembered the things that had made us friends, back at Punahou. But now, I think I’m right back where I started. I just don’t know what goes through your head.”
“Things have been pretty confusing lately,” I said. “Not just this case, but stuff going on in my life. I’ve had a lot of thinking to do.”
She turned to face me. “Is there anything you want to tell me? Have you been thinking about us?”