What I wanted, I thought, was to stay in bed with Tim all weekend long, practicing, exploring the whole new world that had opened up before me. But instead I went into his closet and pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. “You don’t wear underwear?” he asked.
“I do. I just don’t want to wear yours.”
He burst out laughing. “You’ll suck my dick but you won’t wear my shorts? Don’t you think that’s a little weird?”
I just shrugged. Fortunately then the doorbell rang.
We watched old movies on TV after we finished the pizza, and then made love again before we went to sleep, snuggled next to each other with the window open and the ceiling fan creating a gentle breeze.
I was an old hand at sleeping in strange beds. I did some counting once, and figured I’d slept in rooms in half the hotels in Waikiki. But I stayed awake for a few minutes, thinking about where I was and what I was doing. Though I tried, I just couldn’t feel bad about it. I liked Tim, and I’d had fun with him. There wasn’t anything wrong with that.
The next morning I woke up before Tim. We had separated during the night, and he was curled up on the right side of the bed, one arm on top of the damask print sheets. His skin looked even more tanned against the white on white pattern.
I wanted to reach out and touch him, stroke his shoulder, curl my fingers into his hair, but I thought it would be a shame to wake him. I did feel a little freaky, a little panicked by the speed with which my new life was moving, but I pushed down those fears and tried to concentrate on enjoying the moment.
He woke then, yawned, and looked at me. He smiled. “Morning. You sleep all right?”
“Great,” I said. “You?”
He nodded, then reached out and took my hand. I smiled back at him and snuggled up close to him under the sheets. We fooled around a little, and then read the Sunday paper. We went to one of those big tourist buffet brunches, and then walked on the beach for a while. “This has been great, Kimo,” Tim said eventually, as we were sitting on the sand in front of the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. “But I’ve got work I’ve got to do before tomorrow morning.”
It was late afternoon but the sun was still high in the sky, the beach glittering golden around us. I said, “I understand.” We walked back to my apartment together, and this time we hugged each other, not caring who was around to see.
Monday morning, I didn’t get a chance to tell Akoni any of my suspicions about Evan Gonsalves because he wasn’t at the station. There was a message from him that he’d gone to Honolulu Hale to check out an idea he had.
Around ten, my phone rang, and I thought it was Akoni, but instead it was Lieutenant Yumuri. “I want you and Hapa‘ele in my office now,” he said.
He hung up before I could tell him Akoni wasn’t there, so I went down the hall to his office alone. “Akoni’s at Honolulu Hale doing research,” I said. “Anything I can do for you?”
The lieutenant had a small office at the back of the station, but its size was made up for by its window on the beach. Through the glass I could see sunshine, surf, sand, and hundreds of tourists turning red. I didn’t know if I could ever concentrate on my job if I had that office and that window.
“How close are you to closing that murder case?” he asked. “It’s been almost two weeks. Why haven’t I seen any progress? I thought this was a simple gay-bashing.” He shook his head. “Goddamned faggots. Just what I don’t need on my watch.”
“That was our first direction,” I said. “Because the victim wasn’t gay, because he had tong connections, because he was robbed, we’ve eliminated that as a possibility. But it took us a while. That was just one of the dead ends we ran into.” I explained about the information we’d gotten from other divisions that hadn’t panned out. Then I hesitated. “The victim’s son said he believed his father was paying off a cop,” I finally said. “He says the cop was there that night. Akoni and I have been examining the victim’s background to see if there’s any possible connection to someone on the force.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Yumuri said. “That’s the first thing these people do, they blame the cops.”
“We’ve actually been finding some connections,” I said. I told him about the black tar bust, and a couple of more tenuous connections we’d found in the past.
“And what are you going to do when you find this cop?”
“We found the murder weapon and the lab is checking it for trace evidence,” I said. “We may get a print we can match.” I hesitated again. What the hell, I thought, I’d been covering it up for long enough. “And I actually have some additional evidence we haven’t put on paper yet.” Deep breath.
“I was out late that night, and I was on my way home past the alley when I saw a man drag the body down the alley, from the office door to the street.”
Yumuri laughed. It certainly wasn’t what I expected of him. “Good try. But you’ll never get the DA to believe that.”
“I saw it,” I said. “The man left in a black Jeep Cherokee.” I closed my eyes for a second and saw again the man dragging Tommy Pang’s lifeless body down the alley. I remembered what I had done, and felt the shame again. “I went over to the victim and felt for a pulse, and I was the one who made the call to 911. The coroner lifted my fingerprint from his neck.”
“You could have put that print on his neck during the investigation.”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t present at the scene while the body was still there. By the time I arrived the body had already been taken to the ME’s office. I had no further contact with the victim until I was present at the autopsy, when the fingerprint was lifted from his throat.”
While Yumuri digested what I had to say, I looked around at the walls of his office. I’d never really noticed the pictures there-Yumuri with the mayor, Yumuri in a crowd of officers being blessed by the Archbishop of Honolulu, though he wasn’t Catholic. Every citation he’d ever received had been carefully framed and hung, even the routine commendations for passing a year without discharging his weapon that were sent out by some computer program downtown.
There were three photos of his family on his desk, including one of him, his wife and his sons in ski parkas and goggles. They looked like large insects from a snowy planet in a distant galaxy.
The impact of what I was saying finally hit Yumuri. “Jesus Christ,” he said, and I wondered if that would be considered blasphemy from a non-observant Buddhist. “This is the sloppiest piece of police work I have ever seen in my career. If you’re not lying through your teeth you’re telling me you witnessed a murder and then left the scene?”
“I didn’t see the murder, Lieutenant. All I saw was a man drag something down an alley, which I didn’t discover was a man’s body until after the perp had left the scene. I had to leave the scene to find a phone so I could call 911.”
“I saw the report. That was a citizen call, not a cop. A cop would have given his badge number, and a cop would have returned to secure the scene until backup arrived.”
“I didn’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
I was conscious that my life was falling apart while just a few feet away hundreds of people were enjoying the vacation of a lifetime. “I’d been in a bar for a while,” I said, looking down at the floor. “I didn’t want anyone to know.” I looked up. “I know what I did was wrong. But I want to keep investigating this case. I know we can wrap it up.”
He shook his head. “You know what your trouble is, Kanapa‘aka? You just don’t think half the time. When you think, you’re a good detective. But god damn it, you’ve screwed this one up royally.”
I didn’t say anything. Finally he said, “I want to see you and Hapa‘ele back here before your shift is over.” He looked back down to his desk. “Dismissed.”
It was about two o’clock by then. I didn’t know when Akoni would be back, but I knew he’d check in by four, the end of our shift. I tried to go back to research but I couldn’t keep my mind on the paper in front of me. I hadn’t really spilled my secret yet, just told the lieutenant that I’d been in a bar, but eventually the truth was going to come out. Soon enough I was going to have to confront my homophobic boss, and probably the rest of the world, with the news that I was gay.