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To keep from staring obsessively, I forced myself to take a look around, as if I was the investigating detective and this was just another crime scene. I found a pile of clothes just behind the rise that sheltered the bodies. I noticed that the men were lying on a faded, oversized towel, the kind you keep in the back of the trunk for picnics. Or midnight cuddles on the beach.

Seeing Brad and that other man there, I finally understood that it was my responsibility to find out who was killing surfers, and why. That I had to solve the case to make all my sacrifices have meaning. That whether I could flash a badge or not, I cared about righting the wrongs of the world, about speaking for the dead and making sure that their killers did not go unpunished.

A black and white was there a few minutes later, parking up on Ke Nui Road, leaving the flashers going. Two cops from the 268 beat began balancing their way over the sand, belts weighing them down with nightsticks, flashlights, radios, handcuffs and more. I had stripped off my wetsuit and stood there in only a pair of board shorts, feeling less like a detective than I had at any point in my career.

I stepped up as the two cops, a haole and a Chinese, approached, and laid the story out for them. “The girl over there was the first one to see the bodies,” I said. “Just after sunrise. I was surfing, heard her scream, came running up.”

The haole cop, Luna, looked at me couldn’t figure out where he knew me from. “I ever pick you up?” he asked.

I had to laugh. “I’m sure I’d remember you.” I stuck my hand out and introduced myself. “I used to be on the force.”

Luna’s face turned bright red. He wouldn’t shake my hand but his partner, whose name was Chan, did. “Good to meet you,” he said. “I admire you, standing up for yourself.”

“Thanks.” I stepped off to the side as Luna and Chan took over the site, calling in for a detective, blocking off the area. They didn’t seem to need me, so I went down to the water’s edge, pacing around and talking to other surfers, returning only when Chan waved me back.

He introduced me to the detectives, Ruiz and Kawamoto. “Detective.. er.. Mr. Kanapa’aka secured the area,” he said.

Kawamoto was probably in his mid-fifties, and maybe fifty pounds overweight, including a belly that rolled over his belt. He reminded me of that caricature you see of Southern sheriffs, only Japanese. He was missing the ten-gallon hat, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out he chewed tobacco.

Ruiz was haole and younger, maybe mid-forties, dark hair thinning on top. He wore a UH class ring in addition to his wedding band.

I repeated what I’d seen, being careful not to reveal that I knew anything about the other three murders. I gave them an ID on Brad, but didn’t reveal our relationship and told them I didn’t know his companion. “Might have been a lovers’ quarrel,” Ruiz said, pulling on a pair of plastic gloves.

“Might have been,” Kawamoto said. Something about his face, though, told me he was already making the connection I wasn’t mentioning.

I hung around for a while, memorizing the scene, trying, unobtrusively, to take a look at any evidence they found, but there wasn’t much. There were too many footprints between the hollow and the road, even that early in the morning, and it was clear, at least to me, that both had been shot at close range, because of the stippling and powder burns I saw around the wounds. Finally, Ruiz and Kawamoto turned the bodies, so I could get a good look at both faces.

The guy with the surfer physique was young, in his late teens or early twenties, and he didn’t have much of a tan, which probably meant he hadn’t been on the North Shore for very long.

I think maybe up to that point, some part of me had been denying that the other dead body belonged to Brad. But seeing his face, I couldn’t believe that any more. My heart rate zoomed up, and if I’d been connected to an EKG at that point I’m sure it would have gone off the scale.

I realized, too, that I had to tell Ruiz and Kawamoto everything I knew about Brad, including the fact that we had slept together, because they were going to find out quickly enough from Brad’s friends, and I didn’t want them to think I was hiding anything from them. “I’d better tell you more about Brad Jacobson,” I said to Ruiz.

He stepped away from the bodies, motioning me with him. He pulled out a pad and a pen. “He worked at Butterfly, a ladies’ clothing store at the North Shore Marketplace.” I gave him Brad’s address.

“How well did you know the deceased?”

“We met up at the shopping center,” I said, being as vague as possible about why I’d be at an exclusive ladies’ boutique. “We got friendly quickly, and he took me to a bar called Sugar’s to meet a couple of his friends. After that we went back to his place.”

Ruiz made a bunch of notes. “You had an intimate relationship?”

I nodded. I turned a bit, facing toward the water, because I couldn’t keep Brad’s body in my peripheral vision. I knew soon enough that the coroner would arrive, and I knew only too well what would follow that. Looking at his body kept reminding me that at least in a small way I was responsible for his death, all that had happened and all that would.

“That was Wednesday night,” I said, “and then I went back to his place again on Thursday night as well. I didn’t see him again until yesterday afternoon.” I took a deep breath. I was sweating and my heart was still racing. “A couple of the friends Brad introduced me to were interested in me, and I ended up spending Saturday night with them. Intimately,” I added. Might as well get all the dirty laundry out there in the air.

“Somehow Brad found out, and he wasn’t happy about that. His impression of our-relationship-was somehow deeper than mine was.”

“Mmm hmm.” Ruiz made more notes.

“My family came up from Honolulu yesterday for a big luau at Waimea Bay Beach Park. Brad found out I was there.”

Ruiz raised his eyebrows.

“I think you’ll find Brad’s friends form a pretty effective gossip network,” I said. “Word spreads around quickly.” I felt another emptiness at the bottom of my stomach. Brad’s friends would miss him. And they’d probably blame his death on me. I didn’t like that idea.

“So he came to your family luau yesterday and what-confronted you?”

“That’s a good word for it. He let me know that he was angry, and that he wasn’t interested in seeing me again. He left, and that’s the last time I saw him.”

“What did you do after that?”

“My family was packing up at that point, so I helped them load up the cars, and then they all left, to head south. I felt bad about Brad, though, so I drove over to his apartment. But his car wasn’t in the parking lot, so I went to the bar where he and his friends usually hung out.”

“You see him there?”

I shook my head. “He had already been there and then left. I had a beer and hung out with one of his friends for a while, then I went back to the room where I’m staying and crashed. I slept until just before dawn, when I came out here to surf.”

“Who was the friend you met at the bar?”

I gave him Ari’s name. “I have his card back at my room,” I said. “But his company’s called something like North Shore Real Estate or North Shore Investments. It’s probably in the phone book.”

“He go back to your room with you?” Ruiz asked.

I shook my head. “Nope. I went home alone. And I didn’t see anybody on my way home, or anybody I knew until I got here this morning.”

I saw Ruiz write the words “no alibi” on his pad. That wasn’t a surprise; I’d written the same note myself many times. What was a surprise was how bad it made me feel, even though I knew I hadn’t killed him. I wondered if all suspects felt that way. This whole case was giving me a new perspective on how people view the police. “You have a number where we can reach you?”