It was time to take the next step. Nothing he’d done had occurred according to plan. Every single time he started to take his relationship with Lacey to the next level, shit got in the way. Then, with her surly behavior this morning, he’d known it was time to have an important discussion with the woman he wanted so much he couldn’t keep his head on straight.
No more dramatics. No more games. No more uncertainty.
Repeating the mantra and telling himself this had to be done, he resigned himself to what he was about to do and walked back into the bedroom.
Chapter Fourteen
Lacey had never felt so wonderful, sated or used in her life.
And she loved it.
A part of her was stunned at how good it felt to give Michael control, to allow him to take charge of her completely. She had never allowed anyone—including her parents—that much power over her. With him, it felt right. As if a missing puzzle piece had suddenly been found, everything connected and the mysteries of the world were revealed. There was no right or wrong. No hesitation or doubt.
So when he strode from the bathroom and started pulling on his pants, she sat up and frowned. Things had been going so well—perfectly, in fact—so why was he acting as though he was ready to leave?
“Michael?”
He zipped his pants, walked over to the bed and sat beside her. Her heart started pounding painfully inside her chest. There was a look in his eyes that she couldn’t place, one she’d not seen from him before. She couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing.
He reached out and cupped her chin in his palm. “I’m going to be totally honest with you. I want you. More than any woman I have ever known.” He brushed his thumb along her lower lip, smiling thinly. “But I’m impatient and selfish. Instead of giving us time and taking this slowly, I want to take you home, tie you to my bed and keep you there. You get under my skin in a way I can’t describe, and I know I won’t be happy until I know this is exactly what you want.”
“I don’t understand.” After what they’d just shared, she couldn’t comprehend why he had any questions about her feelings.
“I want more than a casual relationship with you. I want it all.” He sighed and dropped his hand. “I want to share my life with you. I’ve never told anyone that before. I’ve heard of men who’ve met a woman, knew she was the one and that was that. I thought it was bullshit.” He looked at her, blue eyes conflicted. “Now I know it’s not.”
“I thought I made myself clear,” she said slowly, cautiously. “After the first night we spent together, and then the restaurant and the party, not to mention today…” She ached to touch him but didn’t. He wanted something but she wasn’t sure what it was. “You have to know I feel the same way.”
“I know how you feel about sex. As for the rest, it’s open for debate.”
“Are you serious?” She couldn’t believe she was hearing this from Michael. “You’re going to lecture me about sex?”
“Believe it or not, this has nothing to do with sex.”
“Care to explain?”
“I just did. I don’t know if you feel the same way for me that I do for you.”
“I told you I do.”
“Actions speak louder than words.”
Oh this kept getting better and better. “Excuse me?”
“No, not this time, darlin’.”
She started to slide from the bed and he spoke quietly, his voice an ominous warning. “Keep your ass right where it is. I’m not finished.”
“Then start making sense. Everything you’ve said so far is Greek to me.”
“I’m going to ask you to do something, something that will require your absolute trust. It will make or break things between us.” She arched a brow and he said, “I’ve alluded to it before. You’ve just refused to listen. Your responses tell me you’re a submissive but there has to be more to make a relationship work—a solid commitment. If we’re going to do this, it has to be completely. Halfway doesn’t work. Halfway only means we’ll both end up hurt.”
Halfway? The morning had been nothing more than halfway to him?
Anger made her voice tremble. “I’m not a mind reader. If you want something more than what I’ve given you, you’re going to have to tell me what it is.”
“I told you. I want it all.” He stood and started pacing. “I want to take you to the club. I want to show you exactly what I’ll expect of you. I want to know that you’ll trust me no matter what I do.”
“So this is about the club?” She knew she sounded resentful, like a bitchy woman who’d been scorned, but it was impossible to hold back. “You’re unsure about being with me because of your public taste for kink?”
He stopped, and his furious stare was enough to shut her up. “I’m worried about your public taste for kink. Not mine. The people you were so angry with this morning are my friends. They are the people I associate with on my own time. I’ve known most of them for years, and I’m not willing to sever our ties because I’m with a woman who can’t handle what my life is like because of insecurity.”
The words hurt, slamming into her like a direct bull’s-eye shot.
“That’s not fair.”
She questioned herself even as she said it. He hadn’t done anything remotely questionable since they’d entered into a sexual relationship. Yes he’d been called away by work or friends but he’d never lied to her or blown her off. She’d been angry when he’d left her behind because he could cheat on her, not because he had.
If that wasn’t insecurity, what was?
Michael’s harsh grin made her wish she could take her words back. “Isn’t it?”
“You left me for another woman.”
“No, I left you to help out friends who needed me.”
“Oh excuse me.” She flashed him a livid stare, feeling the threads of her temper stretch and snap. “Friends who were going to help the woman you left me for.”
“And you didn’t trust me,” he yelled, his beautiful blue eyes narrowed, his face a mask of anger.
The sound was so loud, so unexpected, that she jumped. He pressed his lips together and grimaced, taking deep breaths as he balled his hands into fists.
“You didn’t trust me,” he repeated, lowering his voice, “despite knowing the circumstances. I’ve told you that trust is the most important thing in any relationship but you didn’t give me that. You automatically assumed I’d gone with Brian and Trevor because of Aly, not because they’re close friends who needed my help.” She opened her mouth to speak but he held up a hand. “Don’t interrupt. Let me finish.”
She bit her tongue and he continued. “I tried to tell you about my night but you didn’t want to hear it. You’d already made up your mind about what happened. I came here to talk this morning. I swear I didn’t intend to so much as touch you until we had a chance to discuss what I had to say. But I couldn’t help myself. When I saw you the last thing I wanted to do was talk. That’s the problem. You test my control. I forget what’s important. If I keep allowing that to happen, we will both regret it. It’s my responsibility to make sure we are on the same page. I have to know I can do whatever I need to do and you’ll trust me regardless. This goes beyond kink. It’s as essential to a relationship as breathing. Either you have total faith in the person you’re with, or you don’t. It’s that simple.”
He rubbed his hand against his neck and sighed. “The one thing I’ve asked for is the one thing you haven’t given me. I won’t settle for anything less. You shouldn’t settle for anything less.”