“Yeah. About.”
“So why go to all that trouble? Why not mail the package from here in New Orleans?”
“Jennifer died in Southern California.”
“If it was her in the van.”
“It was.”
“You say she hasn’t aged, right? But how close were you to her?”
Good point. “Not close enough.”
“Hmm. And the photos, they make her look young, but again, they could’ve been doctored. Or her face superimposed over another woman’s body.”
“The answer is in L.A.”
“Although you saw her in Louisiana?”
“These shots were taken around L.A.”
“Maybe.”
The whole Photoshop thing again. “Her body is buried in California,” he said and watched her reaction.
“Jesus, are you thinking of exhuming her?” Revulsion showed on her face. “Because you think you saw her? Because you received some pictures and a marked-up death certificate with a postmark from the town where you lived. Isn’t that a little extreme? I mean, would anyone even order it?”
“I don’t know, but I think so.”
“So you’re thinking of going to California,” she guessed, shaking her head.
“Yeah. While I’m off duty.”
“So soon.”
He nodded. “Montoya will watch my back here, look after you.”
“You think I need looking after?”
“No. But…”
“But just in case I feel abandoned, he’s around. Right?” she mocked. “In the off chance that I feel you’re on a wild goose chase, or following a ghost or…I don’t know, dealing with all those old feelings you haven’t quite laid to rest, I can count on your partner, not you. Is that what you’re saying?”
He felt the muscles in his back tighten.
“I don’t need to be babysat or coddled, okay? I’ve lived in that house most of my life. A lot of it alone. I don’t need ‘looking after.’ Sometimes I wonder if you’ve lost your mind!”
That makes two of us.
“Maybe you should just let the cops handle this.”
“I’m a cop.”
“No, not this time.” She shook her head, golden strands of her hair catching in the candlelight. “This time I think you’re the victim.”
“Listen, Livvie-”
“To what? Some excuse to go chasing after a woman who’s dead? Some trumped-up rationale? This is a situation for the police,” she said, pointing to the death certificate and photographs of Jennifer. “And as for ‘seeing’ Jennifer, maybe you should take that up with your doctor or, heaven forbid, a shrink. These photos…they have to be fakes!”
“Olivia-”
“I hear what you’re telling me, Bentz. Word for word. But it’s what you’re not telling me that is drumming through my head, pounding in my brain, and ripping a damned hole in my heart.”
“Wait a second.”
“No, I’m not waiting. Not a second, not half a second. You’re going to hear me out. The way I see it, what’s going on here is that you’re hell-bent for leather to chase after your past. Face it. If we’ve had a problem in our marriage it’s been Jennifer. Kristi’s mother. A woman you divorced because she was cheating on you, then took back, even though she couldn’t be faithful. You’ve been fighting emotions that have been eating at you for over a decade: Guilt. Guilt that you’re alive and she’s not.”
“Is that your professional opinion?”
“Nothing professional about it. Common sense.” She looked about to say something more, then pushed the rest of her salad aside. “Look, if you need to go, then go. Figure it out. Because, you know, I’ve tried to be supportive and understanding and upbeat, but this has been eating at you. So go. Find out what it is. That’s important, yeah, but what’s really important to me is that you deal with the past and put it away.”
He felt a tic near his temple. “If you don’t want me to go-”
“Oh, no, you don’t. Don’t you dare go there. This is your deal, not mine. You feel this is something you need to do, then do it.”
“I thought you wanted me to open up, to tell you what was bothering me.”
“Yeah,” she admitted, nodding, then waiting as their entrées were served. “I did want to know, but I thought it might happen a little earlier, you know, before you’d already mentally packed your bags to take off for La La Land.”
“I told you, if you don’t want me to go, just say the word.”
She hesitated, then leaned forward. “No, Rick. I want you to go. As happy as we’ve been, and we have been happy, there’s always been that little bit of doubt on my part. And guilt on yours. Look, if Jennifer were still alive we might not be together. So now we get to find out just how strong our marriage is.”
“I think it’s damned strong.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“But you can’t commit to a child.”
“I have a child.” He was about to say more but saw by the darkening of her eyes that he’d wounded her. Instead he reached across the table to take her hand. “This just isn’t the time.”
She pulled her fingers from his. “But it is for me, Bentz,” she said, her jaw jutting a bit. “It’s really now or never.”
He considered giving in. After all, she’d make a wonderful mother, he knew that. And so what if he was so old he’d qualify for Social Security when the kid graduated from high school? People did it all the time. He slid his jaw to the side. “I’ll think about it.”
She grabbed her purse and pushed away from the table. “Then think fast.”
CHAPTER 5
She should have told him.
She shouldn’t have chickened out.
Olivia stepped out of the shower and toweled off. Steam covered the window in the bathroom and she cracked it a bit, all the while second-guessing herself. Bentz had left earlier in the morning and even now was winging his way to Los Angeles.
She never should have let him go without mentioning the baby. But the thought of being that woman, a clinging female who would use any excuse, even her unborn child, to try to keep a man from doing what he wanted stuck in Olivia’s craw. She didn’t believe in reining in someone she loved. It just didn’t make sense. She wasn’t into using guilt to hang on to him, and he’d certainly made it clear how he felt about becoming a father again.
It wasn’t as if she’d intentionally gone behind his back and gotten pregnant. There’d been no trick involved; she simply wasn’t taking any measures to prevent pregnancy. He knew she wasn’t on the pill. Though Rick usually took care of birth control himself, there had been a few times he hadn’t bothered with a condom, several instances where passion had overruled sanity. And, Olivia thought, brushing her teeth and seeing her reflection in the foggy mirror, she was thrilled to have this new life inside her, having been worried that, given their ages, it might be difficult to conceive.
Nonetheless, she hadn’t used the baby as a means to stop him from going on his damned quest to L.A.
She spat, leaned her face under the faucet, rinsed her mouth, and straightened. The woman standing in the misty reflection stared back at her and silently accused her of being a coward. Guilty. But she’d kept mum for good reason. She had wanted to avoid a fight, and couldn’t bear to witness the disappointment-even resentment-in his eyes. She didn’t believe he’d suggest abortion, but she couldn’t begin to deal with the idea of terminating her pregnancy.
“And I thought you were a straight shooter,” she said aloud to her own watery image. “Aren’t you the one who never backs down? What the hell happened to you?”
She let her hands fall to her flat belly.
A baby…a life that right now was growing inside her.
And her husband didn’t even know she was pregnant. Didn’t want to know.
“Jerk,” she muttered under her breath. “Good riddance.” She pulled a comb through her hair, wrapped a towel around her body, then opened the door and nearly tripped over the dog. Hairy S had camped out in the hall in front of the bathroom. “Not smart,” she said to the dog and petted his furry head. “But don’t worry about it; there’s a lot of stupidity going around in this house these days. A lot. You’re not the Lone Ranger.”