“Oh, my Lord,’’ Henry breathed. “She’s old enough to be my mother.’’
“A senior citizen swinger? No way,’’ I said.
“Oh, yeah,’’ Jason said. “Mrs. Graf swings like a front porch glider, and so does his honor, the mayor.’’
thirty-seven
I elbowed Henry, drawing his attention away from Beatrice Graf and her sexually explicit celery stalk. “Speak of the devil.’’
I pointed with my beer bottle to the foyer of the dining room. Big Bill had just entered, and was busy glad-handing his constituents.
“At least he looks sober.’’ Henry tossed some money on the table to cover our tab. “Meet me over there when you finish your drink, Mace. Given the choice, I’d rather talk to His Honor than to the drunken wife. She might construe it as my being interested in buttering her muffin.’’
On his way to the dining room, Henry attempted to give Beatrice a wide berth. But the bar was crowded, leaving little room to navigate. She beckoned him to come closer, waving her celery at him and performing a hoochie-coochie hip rotation. Henry was doing his best to ignore her.
“Looks like you’ve lost your Sugar Mama,’’ I said to Jason. “She seems quite taken with my cousin.’’
“No worries. There’s plenty more where Bea came from.’’ Jason’s narrowed eyes and angry frown belied his words. He watched Beatrice with what looked like jealousy.
“You care about her!’’
“Please. We have a business arrangement. I don’t want it compromised.’’
Realization dawned. “So that’s how you afford the BMW?’’
He shrugged.
“Women pay for your, uh … affections. How can you do that?’’
Another shrug. “It’s a living. It beats the hell out of baling tobacco or picking up garbage, which are only two of the crappy jobs I’ve had.’’
He drained his drink, ice clinking against the glass. “Speaking of which, I’ve got another hot date waiting. I better scoot.’’
I put out a hand to stop him as he got up. “Does your ‘date’ involve Kenny’s hunting camp? I’m still trying to find him, you know.’’
“You’ve only told me a million times. And I’ve told you I haven’t seen the man. As much as I’d love to see you at the camp, wearing only a coat of flavored body oil, there’s nothing going on there tonight.’’ He grabbed my hand. “I’ll be sure to let you know the next time we’re having a get-together, though. I can guarantee you’ll be very popular. You may even earn a few bucks, if you’re willing to … experiment.’’
His finger circled suggestively in the center of my palm. I yanked my hand away. This time, my skin crawled where Jason had touched it. The leer on his handsome face disgusted me. Who were these people? And how had they infiltrated Himmarshee?
As soon as he left, I went to join Henry. In the few moments it took me to cross the bar and dining room, I watched the mayor’s expression change from jovial to wary. Henry had backed him into a corner by the restrooms. Judging from His Honor’s body language, he wasn’t thrilled with the cross-examination.
As I sidled up beside them, Henry gestured. “I know you’ve met my cousin, Mace.’’
Smiling tightly, the mayor gave a curt nod.
“I was just asking Mayor Graf what he knows about activities of a sexual nature at Kenny Wilson’s camp.’’
The mayor’s beefy face was more scarlet than usual. He’d puffed up his broad chest, until it was almost as big as his substantial belly. He stood about six-foot-two, and was looming now over Henry. Physically imposing, he probably was unaccustomed to seeing a man who was at least five inches shorter get up in his face. But, like a small dog who fancies itself a Great Dane, my cousin had never been one to back down—not in the courtroom; not in life.
“Mayor Graf?’’ Henry prodded. “Have you attended any of the swingers’ parties at the camp?’’
Graf crossed his arms over his chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Counselor. And I resent you inferring that I would.’’
“Implying,’’ Henry corrected.
The mayor said, “I ran for office on a family values platform.’’
I laughed out loud. “And we all know there’s never been a family values politician caught with his pants down.’’
The mayor glared first at me and then at Henry, regarding us like we were two rats using his dinner plate as a toilet. He stepped so close, the toe of one shoe touched mine; the other shoe touched Henry’s. I smelled lemons. Maybe the men’s locker room at the club provided the same fancy lotion as the women’s did. When Big Bill spoke, the chill in his voice dropped the temperature in the cramped foyer.
“You two redneck hicks do not know who you’re dealing with. Cross me, and I swear you will regret it.’’
“Is that a threat?’’ Henry asked. “Did you hear that, Mace? Did it give you a reasonable fear of bodily harm? If it did, that’s what we redneck hicks and the Florida Criminal Statutes like to call ‘assault.’’’
Henry’s questions hung in the hallway. The door to the ladies’ room swung open, and the mayor’s expression changed in an instant. From raging bull to avuncular boss.
“Diamond, dear, I thought you may have gotten lost. We need to grab a quick bite to eat so we’re not late for the city council meeting.’’
I nodded at the young woman I’d met earlier in his office. With spiky heels and a sparkly halter top, she was dressed for a disco instead of some dull government meeting. The mayor introduced her to Henry as his aide.
My cousin, with his typical appreciation for the feminine form, got all googly-eyed over the bra-less cleavage her halter exposed.
“Pleased to make your acquaintance,’’ she said.
I pinched Henry’s arm. “Me, too,’’ he answered lamely.
The mayor shifted into his friendly politician persona again. He slapped Henry on the back. “Sorry we’re going to have to cut our conversation short, Counselor.’’ His smile was wide, his sincerity false. “I’d be glad to explore this topic some more, in private.’’
He hustled Diamond to the dining room, and slipped a ten-
dollar bill into the hand of the woman at the hostess stand. She whisked the two of them toward a staff entrance. I wondered whether that was because they were in a rush, or so they could avoid traipsing past the mayor’s wife at the bar.
Henry was still staring after the departing Diamond and her various jiggling parts. Her skirt was so tight, her rear end looked like two baby possums tussling in a potato sack.
“Jesus, Henry! Pick your eyeballs off the carpet, why don’t you? You’re a married man.’’
He tore his gaze away, just as the staff door closed on Diamond’s 24-carat butt.
“Answer me something. If Miss Diamond Doll came on to you like the mayor’s wife did, would you take her up on it? Would you cheat on your wife?’’
I waited a beat, then asked the question I really wanted to know: “Are you and all other men just like Kenny?’’
Shock registered on his face. He put his hand over his heart. “Please tell me you don’t really think that, Mace. I love my wife. And I’ve never once strayed, not in twelve years. A married man can flirt. He can look. But he can never touch. That’s where Kenny went wrong.”
His eyes searched mine. I had the feeling he was trying to see into my soul.
“I would never, never cheat on my wife.’’
That was just what I thought he’d say. I would have expected Kenny to say the same thing, before. Look what happened with him.
“Never say never, Henry.’’
thirty-eight
Mama’s door was locked. I knocked, cueing a cacophony of barking from inside.
Henry plugged his ears with his fingers, grimacing like he was standing next to a tree-cutter with a chainsaw. “My Lord, how is it Sal hasn’t permanently silenced that awful creature by now?’’