“Any man in his right mind would be happy to have Mace, hang-ups and all.’’
As I sat there, surely blushing with embarrassment, Jeb put a hand on my shoulder. It seemed like a friendly gesture, but I could feel him caressing my skin through the fabric of my blouse. He looked at me, desire sparking in his blue eyes. The fire must have been catching, because I began to think along those same lines.
Maybe I needed something more simple than what I had with Carlos. What did I have with Carlos, anyway? Hadn’t he just dismissed me without a backward glance, and then disrespected me on top of that?
Jeb had some problems, no doubt about that. With him, though, all his hang-ups and shortcomings were out in the open. Jeb wasn’t complicated. He wasn’t moody. He wasn’t Carlos.
“I’ve got a cooler in my truck. What say you and me go grab a few beers and sit by a cow pond?’’ A devilish smile lit Jeb’s face. “I’ll even collect some rocks so you can toss ’em into the water.’’
Why not, I thought. Why the hell not?
Standing, I ignored Mama’s disapproving glare, Marty’s worried frown, and Maddie’s loud tsking. I didn’t even try to scoot away as Jeb tossed a casual arm around my shoulder.
As we left, I turned my head ever so slightly to steal a glance at Carlos. He seemed completely unaware of my presence … or absence. Instead, he glowered at the poor raccoon, as if he blamed it for being poisoned and complicating his homicide investigation.
Carlos was so intensely focused on the problem at hand, I doubted if he realized I was granting him his wish. I was walking out of his life.
The cab of Jeb’s pickup smelled like a vat of mosquito repellent. With dusk coming on, the insects were ravenous. We’d fled the banks of the cattle pond for the relative shelter of his truck. But it was hot, so we had to crack the windows. We’d both bathed in the stuff to ward off the biting swarms.
The bugs buzzed at us in frustration, seemingly determined to find a patch of unprotected skin. They wouldn’t find it on me. Even my earlobes were coated with the spray.
Jeb leaned in and gave me a kiss. I stiffened. He sat back against the bench seat, wiping his sleeve across his mouth to get rid of what must have been the acrid taste of repellent. He slapped his neck, where one of the insects landed on a spot he must have missed.
He lifted a lock of my hair, and then ran his finger down my neck and into the V of my blouse. I wanted to feel a shiver of desire for Jeb. Instead, I got a picture in my mind of the last time Carlos’s fingers had traveled that same trail. A deep longing for what Carlos and I had shared hit me like a kick in the gut.
I pulled away, snapping the top button closed on my Western-style blouse. Jeb and I shifted, each edging as far as possible toward our respective doors on the truck.
“Late in the year for the mosquitoes to be so bad,’’ he said.
“Rain didn’t help,’’ I answered.
Despite our long history, an uncomfortable strain hung in the air between us like a thick fog. Maybe it was the close quarters of the truck. Or maybe it was the fact that Carlos’s scowling image slid in front of my eyes every time I looked at Jeb.
“How’s the ranch doing?’’
“Okay, but it’s been hard to get ahead,’’ he said. “I’m still paying off debts from that trouble I had a while back. The movie people hired a cattleman out of Osceola County to supply the stock, but he had a family emergency. Bad for him; lucky for me. I can sure use the extra cash.’’
“Still gambling?’’
He traced a pattern on the steering wheel. “No way. That bad habit of mine about ruined my life.’’
Neither of us spoke. The truck was so quiet, I could hear him breathing. I watched the second hand of his wristwatch jumping away the seconds on a luminous dial. Finally, I took a breath and said, “This isn’t going to work, Jeb.’’
He sighed, and it sounded more like relief than disappointment.
“I was wondering which of us would be first to say it.’’ He patted my knee, friendly like. “Can’t blame a guy for trying. Of course, I might still be game for a little somethin.’ Truth is, I think your mind is on someone else.’’
I stared out the window. It would be dark in an hour or so. The woods around the parking area were already filled with deep shadows.
When I didn’t respond, Jeb said, “Why don’t you try to make it right with Miamuh? It’s as plain as the balls on a bull that you’re in love with the guy.’’
“It’s complicated.’’
“Hell girl, love usually is.’’ Laughing, he brushed a hand through his hair. “And speaking of that, I thought I was going to be Dr. Love tonight. Looks like I turned into Dr. Phil instead.’’
When I looked over at him, he gave me a wink. “I know a lot about love, see. I’m usually the one to ‘complicate’ things up.’’
“How is that girlfriend of yours, anyway?’’
“She left me. Again. I’ve been thinking maybe a fling with Kelly Conover would make her jealous enough to come running back.’’
I snorted. “Good plan. Why don’t you try something for a change that doesn’t involve you cheating on your girlfriend? Besides, do you really think you’ve got a shot with every man’s Hollywood fantasy woman?”
“Like I said before, can’t fault a guy for trying.’’
We both chuckled, our laughter like sunlight burning off the tense fog between us. Impulsively, I slid next to him, threw my arm around his neck, and pulled his face close so I could kiss his cheek. Jeb looked startled, and then gave me a sweet goodbye kiss right on the lips.
I drew away, and started to make a joke about how Dr. Phil probably wouldn’t accept a kiss as his pay. The words died in my mouth. Carlos’s car was parked on the driver’s side of Jeb’s truck. He’d chosen just the wrong moment to come retrieve something from his front seat. In the flash of his dome light, I could see him watching us. The look he shot me was pure disgust.
“Shit,’’ I said.
Jeb turned and saw him, too. “You can say that again.’’
Carlos grabbed a bag from his floorboard and slammed the car door. I was certain I’d have felt the ground shake if I’d been standing there. He stalked off, something he’d been doing a lot of lately. I resisted the urge to jump out of Jeb’s truck and follow. Really, how could I explain away what Carlos had seen with his own eyes: me and my old beau in the front seat of his pickup, kissing and hugging like high school sweethearts? I could tell him I’d just informed Jeb that things wouldn’t work between us, but Carlos wouldn’t believe it.
I was defeated before I could even try.
“Mace, I’m sorry …’’ Jeb started to speak, but I held up my hand to stop him.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Let me just sit here for a minute and calm down. I need to get my head straight. I’m expected at my mama’s for pizza in a half hour or so, and want my game face on.’’
I sat there, wondering what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I get this love thing right? Even with her record of lousy marriages, Mama had managed to do it perfectly at least twice, once with my daddy and now with Sal. Both my sisters were happy, in long marriages with men who adored them. Why couldn’t I commit? Why couldn’t I find contentment like that?
Jeb picked at a cracked piece of vinyl on his dashboard. Finally, he looked at me, his face worried. “Do you want me to say something to Carlos? I can explain how you were just letting me down easy.’’
“God, no.’’ I thought of how proud Carlos was, how it would gall him to have Jeb butting in. “That’d just make it worse.’’
I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the awful gnawing in my stomach. I told Jeb goodbye, and had my hand on the door to leave when a cell phone shrilled nearby.
There was just enough light in the sky to make out Barbara Sydney. She was striding with purpose toward a fancy Jaguar, parked a couple of vehicles away from us. She barked out a hello in that harsh Boston accent. “This is Barbara,’’ she confirmed. “Hang on a minute.’’