My heart leaps from my chest into my throat. I don't move. The world is standing still, the red head forgotten. I listen to my sister talk to the girl I lost. To the girl I hurt so bad she won't take my calls; to the girl that left me empty and stole what little of a heart I had left.
"Oh my God. I'm in California, but I'll be home as soon as possible. Please, call me if anything changes."
I can't help myself, I rush at my sister and grab her by the shoulders as if my life depends on the information she just got, and it very well may.
"That was Selene?"
Lexi glares at me. Her green eyes are filled with tears. Fuck, this isn't good. I can feel the emotion pouring out of her. Why isn't she saying anything? I need to know what's happening with Selene.
"Is she okay? What's going on?"
Lexi doesn't answer. She stares me down.
"What Lexi? What the fuck is going on? Tell me!" I'm in her face, yelling, ordering her to tell me. I don't want to wait another second to know. The anticipation has me freaking out like a fucking teenager.
"Like you give a fuck about her, about anyone but yourself."
I'm breathing hard and heavy. "Don't fuck with me, Lexi. Not about her."
"Fine. You want to know? She's in the hospital, Cooper. She went to pick up her prenatal vitamins from the pharmacy and some punk was looking for a fix. He had a gun . . ."
My fingers squeeze tight around my sister's shoulders because I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe! The air just left my lungs. It left the whole fucking room. Maybe even the whole planet. I have a mass growing in my stomach of nerves and anxiety. My throat is constricting because I still don't think I'm breathing. I dig my fingers into her flesh, because I'm holding on for dear life. It's the only thing I can do. I'm fucking helpless. Selene needs me right now and I'm no fucking use to her. Instead, I'm thousands of miles away when I should be at her side. I'm here, and here is too fucking far.
"Did he hurt her? Please, let her be okay."
"She's not okay, Coop."
I had to have heard wrong. "But that was her on the phone just now, right? RIGHT?" My heart is pounding a mile a minute. Why is my sister torturing me like this? Why isn't she just spitting it all out?
After what feels like forever Lexi answers.
"She's not conscious. I don't have the details."
"Please, No!" The words leave me in a whisper. I'm not even sure I can speak until I hear a gut wrenching cry. It takes a minute before I can make out what's being screamed. I reach up and hold my head as the realization dawns on me that it's me, screaming into the nothingness of the night. It's me screaming the only word my mind will process. "SELENE!"
I drop to my knees and call out for her again. I yell out as if doing so might magically make her open her eyes, or better yet, make me appear at her side and shove all the bad stuff away, like it's been nothing more than a dream.
Noah pulls me back to my feet and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a guy hug. "It's okay. She's going to be okay."
I don't answer because I can't. I can't formulate words. I can't breathe, and I'm scared shit it's never going to be okay again. I hold on to Noah and nod. It's all I can do, and I'm afraid if I let go my knees are going to cave in. I hold him tight. Tighter than I ever held onto anything, including Selene. I stay there, holding him, allowing my emotions to keep their strangle hold on me, because I can't breathe, and I can't move. I want to rush to her side, but I'm across the country, which at this moment is as good as the opposite end of the world.
Chapter 2
Noah's calling the airlines trying to get us on the next available flight. Lexi's rushing to stuff their clothes in suitcases, and I'm pacing around the room. All effects of the alcohol I drank earlier in the night vanished the second I heard Selene's name.
"Are you sure no one's called you back?" I ask grabbing Lexi's phone and checking it myself. "Maybe I should just call the hospital and see if there's any change. Besides, I don't understand why they called you and not me."
"Because she took your name off the paperwork."
"What? Why?" Kick to the teeth and a knife to the gut at the same time.
"You really need to ask?"
"So if I call the hospital, they won't give me any information?"
She shakes her head, and for the first time, since she got the call, I think I see an ounce of sympathy in her eyes. "They're not supposed to."
"This is bullshit." I look to Noah for help, but he's on the phone, and not even looking in my direction. "But they'll tell you?"
"I'm her emergency contact."
"But I'm . . ."
"You're nothing to her, Cooper." Lexi says. "Just the way you wanted."
I want to yell and scream in my sister's face, tell her what a bitch she is, but she's right. This is how I wanted it. I complained all the fucking time. I sit on the edge of the bed holding my head in my hands and squeeze my eyes closed. I need to get the image of Selene lying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines out of my head.
Noah comes over and rests a hand on my shoulder. "Hey," he whispers holding his hand over the mouthpiece of the phone. "It's going to be alright. We'll get there as soon as possible. Just hold it together, man."
I don't believe him. Not at all, but I nod my head anyway.
Lexi drops what she's doing to answer the knock on the hotel room door. It's my father and his husband Stephan. They're both still dressed from the ceremony. Great. Just what I need. He's probably here to ream me out. The bitch at the bar must have complained about me.
"Any luck with the airlines?" He asks Noah.
"Earliest flight I can get is tomorrow morning."
My father looks at me, but I don't say anything. I don't bother asking how he knows I need to get back, or how much he knows about what happened to Selene. I sit there like the useless piece of shit I am and do absolutely nothing.
"I called in a favor. I can get us on a private jet in two hours."
I jump to my feet. I want to say thank you and throw my arms around him. "Us?"
"Stephan and I are coming."
"I don't think that's the best idea." Again what I really want to say and what comes out of my mouth are on opposite ends of the spectrum.
"You ungrateful . . ."
My father puts his hand on Stephan's chest to quiet him down. He's right though. I am a self-centered, ungrateful shit. Just like my mother told me for years. Just like Selene said the last time I saw her.
"Since I arranged the transportation, I come."
"I'm sorry, Dad. It's just, if Mom shows up and sees you, she's going to lose it, and I need to focus on Selene."
"I understand, and I'm a big boy, I can deal with your mother. My concern is for you. And I won't take no for an answer."
I nod, and look around the room. Nothing around me feels real. It's like I'm in some sort of fog.
"Come on, Coop," Noah nods his head toward the door. Let them sort it all out. Let's you and me, go get your shit packed."
*
"Are you happy with Lexi? I mean really happy?" I know the question is strange, especially given the gravity of the situation, but I need to know.
I've been watching my best friend and my sister for the last six months, waiting for it to all fall apart, but it hasn't, and I don't really understand why not. Lexi is a bitch. I know it; he knows it. But he has her under some sort of spell.
She went from claiming that Noah was evil incarnate any time she heard his name, to making god like references to him. I just don't understand how it happened. How did she go from wanting to stake him in the heart to worshiping him so fast?