"Long story."
"You really do have it bad for her, don't you?"
I want to be honest. At least as honest as I can be. Noah's my best friend, and he stood by my side through all kinds of shit. Especially though the Luna drama. He was my only friend through all that. My own fucking mother, along with our whole high school decided it was my fault. Noah never wavered though. He stood up for me. He doesn't know I overheard him in the boys locker room standing up to her ex and his drugged up posse, telling them if they didn't stop the rumors he'd see to it they were in the pen for a good, long time for pushing XTC. I owed Noah big for that one. He believed in me without ever knowing the truth. He never asked or demanded that I explain my role in what happened. And I was cool with that. He once told me he'd listen if I ever felt the need to talk, but I never took him up on it and he never pried.
I shrug. "She's fucking hot, and great in bed. I swear when I fuck her, I feel like I'm starring in the greatest porno ever made."
"I really hope that's not how you're sweet talking her."
"Jealous?" I smirk.
"Hey guys," Troy says pulling the chair next to Noah out and taking a seat. "What's up?"
"What's up is that Coop's finally got a girlfriend. Of course if I didn't know better, I'd think she's a blow up doll he brought to life."
"Watch it there, buddy."
"Is it one of the chicks from the sex club?"
"Fuck you both."
"Ooh, he's getting testy,"
I shouldn't hate the ribbing, I give it to them often enough. But they make me sound like a complete douche. If my own friends see me that way, there's no way Selene will ever see me as anything else.
"You're late. Where the fuck were you?"
"Marlene's doctor was running behind."
"Your leash is that short that she has you taking her to her appointments?"
"You're a jackass, Coop. I'm there because I want to be. That's my baby, too."
"Yeah, well. You might as well cut off your junk and put it up on the shelf next to your trophies because once the kid is here, you won't be using it anymore."
"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And keep your mind and your mouth out of my sex life with my wife."
"It's cool, dude. Whatever you want. Just don't think I'm going to get whipped into marriage or kids. That shit's for guys like you and Noah who believe in love and fairytales. Me, I'm realistic. I know I'm no prince charming. And I know once you add dirty diapers and a screaming monkey in the mix, love isn't enough. And there's no time for sex. She'll be too tired, or the kid will be crying all night long and you'll stand on your head to get it to shut up. And when you're done with all of that Marlena will be off in dream land, and you'll feel too guilty to wake her. Your cock is going to shrivel up and dry out from lack of usage, so get all you can now, because in a few months it's gone."
"Ignore him," Noah says attempting to placate Troy who now has steam shooting out of his ears. "He's a genetic experiment gone wrong."
"Yeah, well don't think anyone would be stupid enough to want to have a family with you, Cooper. You are a complete jackass, and any girl with half a brain would have to be a total moron to have sex with you."
I don't answer, because all my ribbing is playful. His comment wasn't. He sucker punched me and he doesn't even know it. I take a long swig of my beer to stop myself from going back at him. If I do it will send Troy over the deep end, and possibly even jeopardize our friendship.
"I'm teasing you. Sort of. Unless you see truth in what I'm saying,"
Troy ignores me for a while. I get it, I crossed a line. I sit in silence as Troy continues filling us in on how big the baby is, and what they have left to do in the house before it arrives. Noah tells him about the house down at the shore we rented for a week in June. Me, I tune them out and instead think of the blonde seductress that's put a large chink in my armor. As if she knows, as if we're connected on some higher plain, my phone vibrates, and it's a message from Selene.
Selene: Just landed in Texas. Miss you,
I feel like a light turned on inside me.
Me: Miss you too! There's a package waiting for you at the hotel. Don't open it until we're online together.
Selene: Give me two hours.
I can't wait to see the look on her face when she opens the box. I bet she's expecting something sweet or sexy. I think a vibrator is probably the last thing she expects. But I won't see her for a whole week, and I need to make sure her needs are satisfied so she doesn't go out looking for action. Plus, I've never had video sex. I can watch her take care of herself while she watches me jerk off. It's a win, win situation.
"See," Noah's voice catches my attention. "He's so fucking smitten he doesn't even hear us talking about him"
"Fuck you."
"That was her, wasn't it? Oh never mind, It's written all over that goofy smile."
"I'm not smiling." I lie. The smile started on the inside and worked its way out. I've got to play my hand better. The guys can't know how bad I have it for her or I'll never live it down.
Chapter 11
A knock on the door startles me. What a shitty fucking night. I haven't seen Selene in almost a week between her work schedule and mine, we've been on opposite ends of the country. Right now she's working a flight to Aruba. It sucks that she can go anywhere she damn pleases while I'm stuck at home missing her. I fucking miss her! How did that happen? I'm not supposed to feel this way. Not for her. Not for anyone.
I need to fix this. I've spent the last month acting like a love-sick puppy, walking around with thoughts of her racing through my mind when we aren't together, and clearing my calendar for her at a moment’s notice when she's around. That's why tonight I went out with Noah. Nothing like a hot piece of ass to get my mind off of what's bothering me, and since Selene not being here is what's bothering me, I wanted to find someone to fill the void she created.
Part of me knows this is the excuse I need to walk away from her. She deserves better than a self-centered prick, but I'm not ready for things to end. My brain knows I should say goodbye and forget her, that I'm risking far too much by staying with her, but I can’t.
I'm in the best fucking relationship. I have a great time with her. When we're together she makes me feel like king of the world, like her universe revolves around me. We can't keep our hands off each other, and best of all I don't have to stress over seeing other people. Not that I have yet¸ but I know the option is there, and that keeps me fucking sane. Although it's a detail we never ironed out, I know my girl sees monogamy as a joke. Literally. So she can't expect me to be faithful. Tonight I set project "other women" in play.
My plan went to hell the second Noah took off with the chick he'd been chatting up all night. I smiled at a hot brunette who'd been giving me "fuck me" eyes for the last hour.
I sent her a drink certain she'd follow that up with a personal thank you. Everything went according to plan. The problem; I didn't want to be with this chick. Every time she touched me, it felt like spiders crawled across my skin, and a weird feeling spread through me as we walked out of the bar together. Weird as in I wasn't looking forward to what came next. I dreaded it.
Not only didn't I want it to happen, I felt like shit for letting things get this far. Guilt exploded like a bomb inside me. It destroyed every positive feeling and made me feel like shit that I even considered being with anyone but Selene. Instead, I said goodnight and came back home. Alone.