The train ride to Rome is much like breakfast. It's light and easy, but I feel the tension building between us. Maybe it's just my imagination? Perhaps I'm looking for something to go wrong, for this all to fall apart.
I try to bury the feeling rising in my chest, the feeling that at any minute the other shoe is going to drop, because Selene proved to me last night, and the way she's handling everything this morning, that I have nothing to worry about.
I contemplate telling her about Luna. If I do, maybe I'll find some peace. Maybe the dreams will stop, and then I can devote not just my body, but my soul to Selene as well. She deserves it far more than Luna ever did. The problem is Luna stole a piece of me. She took the best part of me and left with it, forever. I don't know how to get it back, but if I don't find a way to make amends with Luna, it's going to destroy Selene and me for certain.
*
The Trevi fountain truly is the most beautiful and detailed fountain I've ever seen. Pictures don't do it justice. We are just as awed by this breathtaking sight as we were standing in the courtyard at the Vatican and yesterday at St. Mark's Basilica. The tour is wrapping up and the guide gives us a coy smile.
"It is said if you stand with your back to the fountain and toss a coin in over your shoulder, you are assured a return visit to Rome."
"I've been told," a woman from the crowd calls out. "That if you do that, you are certain to find true love."
"I don't need to toss a coin in for that," Selene says in a soft voice.
"Oh yeah? Why's that?" I ask pulling her back against my chest and leaning my head on her shoulder.
"Because I already found my true love," she says turning in my arms to face me and clasping her hands behind my neck. "And he's standing right in front of me."
I bring my lips to hers, feeling as if I'm floating in the air. I never thought I'd hear those words. Not from anyone that wasn't family. I can't believe she just told me she loves me. And after the episode last night. I squeeze her tight, lifting her off her feet.
"I love you, too, Selene," I say burying my face in her hair. Whatever little bit of a heart I have, it belongs to you."
"You're too hard on yourself, Cooper. You have a giant heart full of love." She's beaming. Her eyes are locked on mine, and she's fucking glowing from the inside. For the first time I realize I must have something to offer her. I must be better than the piece of garbage my mother convinced me I am, or else Selene would never have fallen in love with me. And not just fallen in love, she said I'm her true love.
*
Selene is wiped out again. We head straight back to the hotel after dinner. I pull a bottle of champagne out from the mini refrigerator along with two glasses. It doesn't matter where we are, my girl is in love with me. That's something to celebrate.
"None for me," Selene offers a reluctant smile.
I stare at the bottle in my hand, realizing that she hasn't had more than a sip or two of wine since we got here. I don't need for Selene to drink, but it's unlike her, and it only convinces me further that something is seriously wrong.
I set the bottle and glasses down on the counter, and pull Selene over to the bed. I need to get to the bottom of this before I drive myself crazy.
"Come here," I say settling her down on the spot next to me.
Selene looks at me through her long dark lashes. It's like she's trying to hide behind them. I hold her face between my hands and start with a slow and tender kiss.
"Baby, I know something's wrong. I can see it. I'm worried sick about you. Please tell me what's going on."
She nods. "Okay. This is so much easier now that I told you I love you and I know you feel the same."
My heart drops in a free fall. Fuck. Deep down I knew something was wrong, but I hoped it wasn't true.
"I was really nervous about how you'd react." She stands, but I take her hand and pull her back down. "I still am," she says meeting my eyes again.
"No, baby." I take her hands in mine and rub my thumbs over her knuckles. "Whatever it is, we'll get through it together."
A smile spreads across Selene's face and tears fall from her eyes. She lunges at me and wraps her arms around my neck tight. I don't push her back yet. I take the moment to hold her and console her. I want her to know that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.
"Okay. Here goes," she says, and I feel like she's stalling for time. "Cooper, I'm pregnant."
What. The. Fuck.
I drop her hands. My body goes rigid. Talk about a sucker punch.
Her eyes dart down toward the floor as silence builds and I feel a wall rising between us. Forget a wall, it builds a fucking moat, castle and armory.
"I know this isn't something we planned." She reaches out for my face, but I flinch away, unable to tolerate her touch. "Please say something, Cooper." Her eyes well with tears. "You're scaring me."
I stand and take a step away from her, but she doesn't let me move. She's on her feet and I feel her hand brush against mine.
"Cooper."
"Get the fuck away from me!" I explode. "You stupid fucking bitch! How can you do this?"
Selene's hand covers her mouth, and her eyes pool with tears. She doesn't let them fall though. She takes a moment, fights her emotions and composes herself.
"Why are you acting like this?"
"Why? You fucking ask why you little, lying bitch?" My words assault her. I see their effect on her face but I can't stop. I don't want to. She woke a sleeping dragon. I'm breathing fire, and I'm not going to stop until I destroy everything in my path. Right now that happens to be Selene. "You fucking lied to me. You did this on purpose!"
She shakes her head back and forth. "No. How can you say that?"
"Easy," I say advancing on her. "You told me you were on the pill." I look at her with distain. "If you didn't want to get pregnant you would've made sure you were responsible enough to take it the way you were supposed to. That's all you had to do! Take a little fucking pill every day. I guess that was just too fucking hard for you."
Her hand comes across my face. "I did you jackass."
I grab her wrist post swing. My fingers squeeze and dig into the flesh. "Don't you ever fucking hit me," I hiss. "Not unless you're prepared for me to hit you back."
Selene's eyes grow wide. I recognize everything I've feared seeing. Hurt. Anger. Fear. Good. She deserves to feel every one of those things.
She works hard at wrenching free from my grasp. I don't say anything. I just stand there seething as she rubs her wrist, then wraps her arms across her stomach. Is that supposed to make things better? Really?
"I can't believe you're acting like this," she says sniveling.
"What did you expect?" I hiss, leaning in on her. "Did you think I'd be happy?"
"No. Not exactly happy, but it was an accident."
"An accident huh? Maybe it's such an accident some other jerk-off knocked you up and you're trying to pass it off as mine. You think you're the first girl to pull this shit on me?"
Again her hand flies up and covers her mouth.
"Who hurt you?"
I shake my head. "Don't change the subject. Did you think it would turn out different this time?" I don't ask. I order her to tell me.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Right now I feel like I don't know you at all."
"You don't know. You're a fucking liar is what you are. I need to get the hell away from you."
Needing to get out, to escape, I head toward the door. I don't know where I'm going, but right now the further from her the better.