And he's no better. It's like he's her fucking lap dog, always at her side, holding her hand, and sneaking kisses when he thinks no one is looking. If that's not bad enough she's got him so whipped he goes grocery shopping for her on his way home from work. He claims it gives him piece of mind knowing she has good food to eat.
Noah does pretty much anything Lexi asks. Meanwhile, she cooks and cleans for him. She never did that at home. She does his laundry, too; washes, dries and irons it. I've even seen her massage his feet after a long day at work. And he doesn't even stand most of the time.
I can only think they're into some kinky shit in bed and that's why they're all goo-goo eyed over each other, because I know Noah, and the imposter I've seen over the last half year isn't him. He's never been this into a girl. I'm yearning to understand how he could allow his life to change so much after a week. Just one week with Lexi and she became his world.
He didn't have time to hang out, or see anyone unless she was part of it. Sure he'd come out from time to time without her, but I could see his heart wasn't in it. And it doesn't seem to faze him. I mean she's the only girl he fucked in the last six months. He's got to miss being with other people. I do. It isn't natural not to.
He pulls my suitcases out from the closet and tosses them on the bed. I've been here longer than they have, so I have more shit to pack. He stops and looks me in the eyes.
"I can't imagine my life without her."
"That doesn't mean you're happy. It means you're fucking whipped."
"I'm happy. Very happy. There's not one thing I would change."
"Not even sex? Isn't it boring being with the same person over and over?"
Noah opens and closes his mouth. He's not fast to answer, and I understand why. I usually lose a small piece of my mind when I think of him and Lexi in that way.
"She's all around incredible."
I cock my eyebrow up at him not sure I want to hear anymore.
"And I'm not just talking about sex." Noah is quick to explain. "Don't get me wrong, on a scale of one to ten, sex with Lexi is like a fifty, but I mean just lying next to each other and talking all night long, making each other laugh, sharing secrets, it's amazing. Knowing she's got my back no matter how bad things get in the world outside of us, it gets me through the rough patches. I can't get enough of her. And when I see her smile, it makes my world right."
I start pulling my clothes out of the drawers and placing them on the bed. Noah puts them in the suitcases. We continue like this, speaking without looking at each other, which is the best idea ever because the girl who's rocking his world in the bedroom among other places is my sister.
"Why don't you tell me what's really got you so messed up. One minute you’re smashed and looking to get some with the nearest willing body, the next you hear Selene's name, and . . . Coop, I've never seen you so fucked up."
"It's like Luna all over again."
All movement stops. Noah's eyes are on me, they're boring into me. I've only said that name a handful of times in years. The first time was the night I went home with Selene, and just like I did then, I shocked him with it.
"This is nothing like Luna."
"Whatever. The point is, I don't know what to do. I feel like shit. I'm so angry every muscle in my body is shaking. I want to go find this cocksucker and kill him. I'm scared man. I'm so fucking scared I'm not going to ever get the chance to make this up to her."
"Do you love her?"
"That's the problem. I don't know. I thought when you love someone it's simple, cut and dry. You don't have to think about it or rationalize, you just know. I thought I loved her, but then I've been so pissed at her, I think it can't possibly be love because I just wanted the hell away from her."
"Then maybe it's not."
"When I left, I was relieved, because I felt suffocated, you know? I wasn't ready for everything she wanted. I didn't want it, any of it. But now . . ." I scrub my hand over my face. I hear my voice crack, but I'm with Noah, so I'm not ashamed. "If she dies . . ."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're jumping way too far ahead. You can't think like that."
I narrow my eyes at my friend, hoping to keep the tears in. I know he won't make fun of me the way I would if the shoe was on the other foot, but I don't want to feel like a pussy on top of everything else.
"I swear, if she's not okay . . . " I close my eyes before verbalizing the other half of my thought, the other possibility that could derail any hope of a reconciliation, any hope of self-forgiveness. "Or if she loses the baby. She wants that baby so damn much. I don't know what I'll do. This whole mess is my fault."
"No, it's not. You can't blame yourself."
"I can. She asked me to fill out the forms and send them in with the prescription to set up the mail order, but I couldn't fucking be bothered. She was in that store at that moment because of me. Because I'm a shit."
"You have to stop blaming yourself."
If he only knew how much I blame myself. How that's the only thing I seem to be able to do.
"Did you make mistakes? Of course. We all do. But you need to stay positive right now. Stay strong for her."
"Noah, when we get back home, I need my friend, not Lexi's boyfriend."
"I'm always your friend."
"I mean, it. I need you by my side when I go, because if she . . . Please come with me. I can't do it alone."
"You got it, man."
We finish rounding my shit up in silence and head down to lobby to meet up with my dad and sister.
Chapter 3
This is the most comfortable seat I've ever had while flying. It's soft and plush, and sort of wraps around my body like a giant hug. I'm not sure if the material covering the seat is high-end vinyl or leather. Private jet, I'm thinking it's leather. I wish I could ask Selene. She'd know. This is my first time on one, so I'd love to take it all in and enjoy the experience. But I can't. I'm in a semi-panicked, full out shit mood. I called the hospital before takeoff. All they would tell me is that Selene's stable.
"Lexi, I'm losing my mind here, tell me what happened?"
"Just wait until we get to the hospital."
"Fuck that, Alexis. She's my . . . she's the girl I . . ."
No matter what I try to say, what my mind thinks I should say, I choke on the words before they can leave my mouth. They're jumbled up and trapped inside me, like a Sunday morning word scramble.
"Even now you can't bring yourself to say it. You can't admit that you give a fuck about her. Probably because you don't, Cooper. Because the only one you give a shit about is yourself."
"That's enough, Alexis," my father scolds. To my surprise Lexi backs down. She's still staring daggers at me, but she stopped the verbal attack.
"Just tell me what you know. Please."
"She's not conscious. That's what I know."
And Lexi won't give me any details. Not a fucking one. She claims she doesn't know anything more, but I don't believe her. She's now Selene's emergency contact and she knew that I not only lost that position, I lost the right to know anything about her at all. Already that's more than I know.
"Son, you're not alone in this," my father says mussing my hair like I'm eleven and pouting because I struck out with the bases loaded. "We're all here for you."