"Is he willing to offer you love and marriage?" Why am I asking? Okay, so I'm just starting to believe in love, but marriage? No way.
"Are you?"
"Answer the question."
"It doesn't matter. I don't feel that way about him."
Thank fucking goodness.
"And how do you feel about me?"
"Confused."
I nod and close in on her. Confused is better than nothing. I take her by the shoulders forcing her to look at me. "You didn't seem confused five minutes ago when you were cumming in my mouth."
She looks away. Oh no. I'm not letting her off the hook.
"You look me in the eye and tell me you're confused. That you're not sure how you feel about me. Better yet, you look me in the eye and tell me you feel more for Mateo than you do for me."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because you're forgetting one thing. At some point in this partnership, he's going to want more."
"If things do progress there then they do. Besides it's not like either of us will need "more". We'll always have the option to be with whoever we want. It's an open relationship."
"Open?" I pinch the bridge of my nose trying to ward off the headache that's screaming for attention in the back of my head. "What does that mean?"
"It means discretely we see who ever we want. As long as it stays outside of the house. But for all the social purposes, we are a family and we are home with each other every night."
I run my hand through my hair. "No. Fucking. Way!" I explode. "That's the most fucked up load of garbage I've ever heard."
"Why are you so upset?"
"Everything you just said tells me you’re making rash emotional decisions, which isn't a good thing ever but especially not when your hormones are out of whack."
"There's nothing "rash" about it. And it's how I grew up. My father didn't want me either."
"Do you hear what you’re saying? This isn't what you want." My pulse is racing so fast I'm starting to feel light headed. She's not doing this. It's not up for discussion. "I'm not your father, and I thought you wanted better for your kid."
She shakes her head. "No. It isn't what I want. But I don't really have a choice. You don't want it, and you left me."
"I made a fucking mistake! I'm here to rectify it." I answer in a harsh tone. "But I'll tell you one thing for sure. That prick is not the one you're going to wake up to in the morning. He's not going to read my baby bed time stories. And he can't possibly love you as much as I do."
Her eyes well up with tears. Finally a chink in that stone armor of hers.
"I made a mistake." I say much calmer now that I see I'm getting through to her. "A terrible, horrible mistake. I said things out of anger." I brush my thumb across her cheek. "I acted like a world class dick. Please, Selene. Let me make this right."
Her bottom lip trembles as she struggles to hold her tears back. "How?"
"Like this." I pull Selene into my arms and kiss her. She doesn't put up any resistance. Good. After a few seconds she relaxes and kisses me back. I know I need to do more, offer her more than a physical relationship. That's why I'm here. Because without her, my life is bleak. Empty. I'm not willing to give her up. Even if that means I have to be a father. Even if it means my life is going in a direction I never wanted it to. "Come home with me."
"For tonight?"
"For forever."
Chapter 18
The next three weeks pass in a blur. Selene's trying to take on extra shifts so she could make as much money as she can before she has to stop flying. Her flat belly has taken on a slight roundness that only shows when she's undressed, but it's only a matter of time. A matter of time before just a quick look at her will tell the world she's carrying a baby inside her. That's when I become the sole supporter for our growing family.
"Are you going to propose?" Noah asks packing the last box in the truck we rented to move Selene into my apartment.
"No fucking way. I'm not that stupid."
He drops the box down and stares at me. Shit I hope there's nothing too fragile in it.
"What?"
He shakes his head. "What the fuck is wrong with you? If that was your sister, I'd be on my knees asking her to marry me in the blink of an eye."
"If that was my sister, you wouldn't be able to get on your knees, because I'd break your fucking legs."
"You know what I mean, Cooper. If you love her, do the right thing."
"I do love her, shit-for-brains, and this is the right thing. For now. Let's see what happens. She wasn't going to marry that other fucker."
"She wasn't in love with the other fucker."
"I don't tell you what to do where Lexi's concerned, so don't stand here and lecture me."
"Actually you do tell me what to do where Lexi's concerned. In fact, you've sort of overrun our relationship."
I glare at him.
"But it's okay because we both love you. But unlike Lexi, Selene doesn't have a crazy-ass overprotective brother to keep you in line."
"So what? You applying for the job?"
"Maybe," he raises his brow. "It would be nice to pay you back for all the shit you caused between Lexi and me."
"Don't go there," I warn.
"Hey," Troy bangs on the side of the truck as he turns the corner, and peeks in. "Enough bullshitting, get back to work."
"Your just jealous because we're doing all the heavy lifting, acting like men, while you're stuck in there with the girls reaching for the shit on the high shelves." I needle him.
"Yeah, what can I say, that's what happens when you bronze your junk like a trophy. Oh, wait, I think that's what you'll be doing in a few months, won't you, Cooper?"
"Fuck you."
"Then we can stand side by side admiring the lives we used to have."
I know Troy is just giving me shit. He's been waiting a long time to make me eat my words. Not just about this, but about relationships and settling down with one person. All I have to say is this shit sucks.
*
In the beginning, I enjoy living with Selene. I don't have as much alone time as I'm used to when she has a few days off, but I like being with her. It's nice to come home to the smell of her home cooking. And the never ending supply of freshly baked cookies and muffins is incredible. I had no idea she was so skilled in the kitchen. Those skills are rivaled only by her skills in the bedroom. One more place she works hard to keep me happy.
I try to keep focus on these things rather than the fact that I feel trapped by this alien thing inside her. Trapped doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I've had to make concession after concession. Having her move in with me, giving up my freedom to come and go as I please with no one to answer to, is just the tip of the iceberg. With the added responsibility of a family, I have to make big changes in my professional life.
First and foremost, I need a more reliable source of income. Modeling pays well, but it turns out that Kaycee did get a movie deal for the Jaxson Stone series, and the director wants to go with someone he's worked with before. What that translates into for me is less work.
She brings me to conventions with her and pays well for my time, but with a new face for Jaxson Stone, that will mean new covers, and no need for me. Without the regular work from her, I can't afford the lifestyle I'm accustomed to, let alone keeping the three of us in this lifestyle.