Selene grabs the phone from behind me and pries it out of my hand. "I'm okay. I'll call you later. I promise."
"Selene . . ." I hear the warning in his voice, and I can't help but respond.
"She said she's fine, dick head."
"You're a real tough guy. Let's see if you're still this tough the next time I see you."
"I'll call you back," Selene says before things escalate any further and hangs up.
She throws her phone on the bed and holds her head in her hands, letting the tears stream down again.
My first instinct is to pull her into my arms and kiss her until she's better; until we're better. But I don't. I can't. I'm not just angry at how she reacted at the restaurant, I'm seething that once again she's turning away from me and turning to this guy that she supposedly doesn't have romantic feelings for.
I sit on the bed and scrub my hands over my face. "This isn't working out is it?"
"Really? What clued you in? The fact that you're so fucking desperate to be the playboy that you have to show your friends a video you made with some dumb slut during my baby shower?"
I jump to my feet and get in her face.
"Maybe if you gave me a chance to explain you'd know it isn't a video I made. I don't even know her."
"I heard her calling your name."
"That's right, Selene. She knew my name. She also knew about Anything Goes, that's what the stupid video was about in the first place. She wants on the show. She must have seen a picture or advertisement with me in it, and thought I could help her, I don't really know. Girls want me. That shouldn't surprise you. You knew that since we first got together. So I don't understand the FUCKING PROBLEM!"
She sucks a breath in fighting back a fresh wave of tears.
"Did it turn you on?"
"You're kidding me, right?"
She sniffles and shakes her head. "No. I'm not. I want to know. When you were watching, did you want to fuck her?"
"So now I'm not allowed to be attracted to other women. I'm not allowed to fantasize?"
"Just answer the question."
"Fine. Yes. I watched and I wanted to fuck her. I wished for a moment, that she was in front of me. And if she was, I would've been tempted. That's right. I would've been. But in the end I wouldn't have touched her. You want to know why? Because I love you." At least I thought I did. Right now I'm not so sure.
I need to punch something. I hope Mateo does show up so I can pound his face and relieve some of this tension. She's standing in front of me with her shoulders slumped, looking down at her feet. She's wounded, so I continue on the offensive battering away at her.
"I don't know if it's the pregnancy that has you so insecure, or what the hell is going on, but you're a shadow of the girl I fell in love with. You need to get your shit together."
I feel like crap the moment the words leave my mouth. I know I'm deflecting, blaming it all on her. If I treated her the way I did before her belly got big and round and looked like she swallowed a basketball, everything would be fine. But I can't. Each time I see her expanding stomach, a torrent of emotions swirl around inside me. They're strong and conflicting as I try to get over the feeling she betrayed me by getting pregnant. I won't give her the satisfaction of admitting any of this. I rather blame it all on her and make her take responsibility for what's happening.
"Me?" She squeals.
"Yes, you." I rummage through my closet for my suitcase and lay it on the bed.
"What are you doing? This is your apartment, I said I'll leave."
"And I said you're not going ANYWHERE!" I roar.
Selene's eyes are filled with more than tears, they're filled with fear and trepidation. I can't say I blame her. I'm not quite sure what I'm capable of at the moment, and that's why I need to get away.
"Look, you need to figure shit out, so I'll give you time to do that."
"Where are you going? To Lexi's?"
Needing to touch Selene, I move toward her and stroke her face. I work at keeping my face and temper even when she flinches away from me. Pulling away with her, another speck of hope.
"California. I wasn't going to go to my father's wedding if you couldn't be there, and I knew it was too close to your due date for you to fly safely. But seeing how we're at each other's throats, I think it's best if I go there for a while. Besides, it gives us time to focus on what needs to be done for the show."
I can't tell if she likes the idea or not. I wouldn't be surprised if the thought of me leaving brings her great joy. When I'm gone, she'll have free reign to run to Mateo.
"That's it? You're just going to leave me?"
"I'm giving you time and space to decide what you want. But I want you to understand something. No matter what you decide, the baby stays with me."
"What? But you don't even want it!"
"Your right, but that doesn't change the fact that you're having it. And I'm not okay with letting anyone else raise it. I'm not okay with giving some prick access to hurt my kid, and I'm not going to let you screw with its head the way my mother did with Lexi and me. If you leave, I will fight for custody."
"You can't do that."
"Watch me."
I don't know why I said that. If she leaves with the kid, I can go back to the peaceful existence I had before Selene. An existence where ghosts didn't haunt me, and even if they did, I had enough distractions around I didn't notice. Before Selene, I had no need to think so much. This is it, a turning point, one from which there is no return. I need to stick to my guns and get away from her. I zip up my suitcase, lift it off the bed, and without a backward glance, I walk out of my apartment, and out of Selene's life, possibly forever.
Chapter 22
"Hey, Noah." I look up to find my father standing beside my friend. "Do you mind if I have some time alone with my son."
"Of course not, sir." The consummate gentleman, Noah gets up and gives my father his seat.
"Thank you," he says clapping Noah on the shoulder as the two cross paths. "We should be landing in about an hour," he says settling into his seat.
I nod.
"I hope you know that I'm going to love and support you no matter what."
"Thanks, Dad."
"And I know you're worried sick about Selene. But son, you have to think about that baby."
I don't want to hear this right now. I shake my head. "If she doesn't make it . . ."
"If she doesn't make it and the baby does, you need to step up and be responsible. It's going to need a lot of love and care."
"I'm not cut out for that. I'll put it up for adoption." But even as I say it, I'm not sure I really could.
"You'll do no such thing."
"Are you really lecturing me? You left us because you thought it was the right thing to do."
"Yes. And I found out in the end how wrong I was. Believe me, son. If I could go back in time and redo it all I would. I know better than anyone what it means to walk away from your children because you think it's the right thing. And I'm telling you it's wrong. That child is yours and Selene's. Wouldn't you want to keep a piece of her? A piece of the both of you?"
I shake my head. "I didn't want a baby. I wasn't ready for it. And I don't want to screw the kid’s life up before it even starts."
"I understand." My father's hand finds my shoulder and squeezes. "Being responsible for another life is terrifying. But I promise you, when you hold that tiny bundle in your arms something in you changes. You find strength and courage you didn't know you had to love and protect your baby. Son, I give you my word, we'll be there for you. We'll all help. You don't have to do this on your own, but you have to do it."