"You tried this lecture once before. That's why I went back to her in the first place."
"No. You went back to her in the first place because you love her."
"You don't know that. Hell, I don't even know that anymore."
He gives me a pointed look. "You love her, Cooper. I don't know the gritty details since you won't tell me, but I know you love her."
"Dad," I shake my head. I get it. He has his own guilt to deal with. He doesn't want to admit what a fuck-up I am. "I screw up everything I touch. The baby will be better off without me."
"I know I'm not up for any father of the year awards, and I know a lot of this is my fault . . ."
That's it. I've had it. I can't keep it together any longer.
"You know what, it is your fault." He needs to back off. If he insists on going here, I'm happy to oblige. “Everything went to shit when you left, but you know what, I could've handled that. I did handle it. I dealt with Mom's bullshit and Lexi's abandonment issues. But then you'd come back to visit and that screwed things up even more. I dropped everything if you called, because I missed you, and I just wanted to spend some time with my father having fun like we used to."
"Those times meant the world to me too, Cooper."
"Except by dropping everything I dropped Luna, and I lost her forever. If I chose her over you, maybe she and I would've had a normal relationship. Maybe my whole fucking life would've turned out better."
"I was never around for very long. One night wouldn't have made that much of a difference."
"Except that it did." I close my eyes and tell my father the long sorted story I haven't told anyone.
Chapter 23
"Come on, Cooper, I really want to go to the party tonight. Please," she juts her bottom lip out and looks up at me through her dark lashes.
I wrap my arms around Luna's slight waist and pull her against me. "I can't, baby. I haven't seen my father in almost a year." She rolls her eyes, but I choose to kiss her sweet lips and ignore it. "I have an idea, why don't you come with me, I'd love to introduce you. And I know he won't mind. He's really cool."
She gives me an incredulous look, as if I said something strange and preposterous. "Yeah, no thanks." Luna gives me a quick peck on the lips. "Have fun. I'll miss you." she says over her shoulder as she leaves.
I ring her doorbell bright and early the next morning. At least early for a teenager on a Sunday. But I know she's pissed that I didn't go with her to the stupid party. She hasn't returned any calls or texts since she left my house, and now I need to make amends. That's why I'm holding a helium balloon and a small bouquet of mixed flowers. My mother says flowers always brighten a woman's disposition.
Luna's stepfather, Les, answers the door looking creepy as ever in his boxers and wife beater shirt, an open beer in his hand.
"I know it's early, sir. But I'm here to surprise Luna." I hold the flowers up so he can get a better look at them.
"She ain't here. Ain't come home last night. I figured she's with you," he says training his beady black eyes on me.
Shit. I swallow hard, nervous that something's wrong with her, or worse. If it's not, I might have just caused a heap of trouble for my girl. Guilt wells in my chest. I know Luna's stepfather is abusive. I've seen bruises on her mother's face the few times I made it into the house, but Luna denies it and makes excuses for them. I've asked Luna if he's ever touched her, but each time she just changes the subject.
"Um, I'm sorry to bother you, sir."
"If you see her before I get my hands on her, you go on and tell her she had us up all night. She's gonna have to pay for worryin' her momma and me. You got that, lover boy?"
"Yes sir," I turn and leave, with a sharp twisting in my gut. I need to find her. Warn her. I know she's been uncomfortable at home lately. She keeps telling me that Les is giving her the creeps, but she won't tell me why. As long as I get to her before she goes home, we can go back to the house together so I can make sure he doesn't lay a finger on her.
I search for Luna frantically in all of our usual spots: the lake, the park, behind the high school. I'm thinking if she wanted to hide out and be alone she might be at one of them. It's where I'd go, but she's not anywhere.
An hour passes since I left her house, and Luna's still not answering her phone. She has to be somewhere, and now that twisting feeling in my stomach is getting sharper and my throat is closing a bit. I start calling her friends to see if she crashed at one of their houses, but all I get is voicemail.
I hope she's okay. I wonder if something happened with Les to cause her to go off the grid. Every muscle in me tenses as I consider it. I know he hasn't hit her as of yet, but I've seen marks on her arms from where he's grabbed her, and I'm not sure what he's capable of. If I find out he laid a finger on her, I'll make sure he's caged behind bars like the animal he is. I refrain from calling the house, because I doubt she's there and I don't want to make things worse for her.
My phone rings. I recognize the number. Callie, her best friend. Finally, someone's getting back to me.
"Cooper, I got your message." It's the tone in her voice that sends my heart into a death spiral. "She was really fucked up last night."
"Fucked up how? Drunk? Stoned?"
I know Luna smokes weed. She sneaks out of her bedroom window onto the roof at night and smokes. I know because I've used the ladder stored on the side of the house to climb up and smoke with her. I've never seen her over the top stoned, just silly and relaxed. But I feel right now that something is very wrong.
Callie sucks a long breath in. "Fucked up as in when she got to the party she didn't seem right. She was shaking, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears."
"Did she say why?" Guilt floods my chest. Something did happen, and I wasn't there for her.
"No. She wouldn't talk about it. But Dex was there." Callie's tone drops. "He was able to calm her down."
Dex. My heart sinks even further. Her ex-boyfriend.
"They went out back, and they must have been there for a long time because I never saw either of them after that."
"Coop, I'm pretty sure where ever she is, she's with him."
"Thanks, Callie." My eyes burn with anger. She left with Dex. Great.
No doubt she fucked him, too. It shouldn't surprise me. They were the hot and heavy "it" couple, before he very publicly cheated on her with a girl from the high school across town. After a few weeks of serious flirting, Luna and I got together. I thought she was over him. Guess I was wrong.
My search is over.
I know in my heart that she's moved on, and I hate her for it.
*
I don't bother coming out of my room when the doorbell rings. Neither my mother or sister are speaking to me. They're too fucking emotional and analytical. They see I'm pissed, that I came home and slashed the "I love you" balloon I bought for Luna with a kitchen knife, and they want me to talk about it. Hello, what's there to talk about?
I'm surprised at the knock on my door. I haven't heard from Luna all day, bitch didn't even have the decency to call me back. Not that I would've answered, but still, we just had sex for the first time two nights ago, and the next day she's off with Dex? Guess I didn't fuck her hard enough, or I treated her with too much fucking respect. I close my eyes and take a breath before telling whoever is on the other side of the door to go away.