My eyes look down, and I see another tattoo. This one is a single word written in dark, black script. Cooper. My heart races. I want to throw up. I don't know what the hell I'm feeling right now, anger, sadness, regret.
"I did this to show them they can take what they want from my body, but my heart will always belong to you."
She wipes a tear, a real tear from her eye.
Why does this hurt so much? She made the decision to go to the party. She chose to cheat. I should hate her, so why is love still the strongest thing I feel for Luna?
*
Friday night Noah drags me to the batting cages with him. I'm not really up to being around people, but he's not asking a million questions about Luna. And the idea of smacking something as hard as I can with a baseball bat has appeal.
Since Luna showed up to school with the tattoos it's only made the gossip worse. Now everyone assumes I hurt her. They've decided that's why she was so upset at the party. I'm the reason she sought comfort in her ex's arms, because I chose someone else over her. I don't bother clarifying. These ass wipes just aren't worth my time or energy.
It's good to get out. I hate to admit it, but I'm feeling a little better, and I think I'm ready to talk to Luna. Really talk, see if we can somehow get past this. I don't know if it's possible, but I'm not ready to rule it out completely either, because as much as I don't want to be, I'm still crazy in love with her.
I walk in the house with a smile for the first time all week, only to be surprised by the hard slap of my mother's hand across my face. My skin stings not only from the contact to my cheek, but from her nails dragging across and scratching my skin.
My hand covers the spot she hit. "What the fuck was that for?"
"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" She slaps the back of my head. "I thought I raised you to be better than this."
I hold my arms up defending my face in case she decides to get another strike in.
"Mom, stop!" I shout, still clueless about what brought on this onslaught.
"I can't believe you'd knock that girl up and then break her heart."
"What!? I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't play dumb with me. She was here. She told me everything."
"Who Luna?"
"Who else is there? How many girls are you having sex with?"
"No one. Just her. I mean it only happened once."
"Once is all it takes. I thought you knew better Cooper."
"I did. I mean I do. I mean how can she be pregnant?"
My mother doesn't answer me. She just looks at me like she doesn't believe a word I'm saying.
"How would she even know she's pregnant?"
"She brought the positive test."
My heart sinks. It doesn't matter what I say. My mother doesn't believe me, and any hope of a reconciliation with Luna is destroyed. I try to wrap my mind around what's going on. Luna's pregnant? And she's claiming it's mine? It can't be. It's only a week since we had sex, and I used a condom. It doesn't make sense. Why would she do this?
I already know the answer. It's Dex's. She must have known she was pregnant when we had sex, that a part of him was growing and multiplying inside her. Maybe that's the reason she had sex with me to begin with, so she can turn around and pin it on me. She doesn't love me, can't possibly if this is what she's doing. I drop into a chair in the kitchen and with my elbows on the table, I slump down and rest my head in my hands.
"I'm not surprised that you got her in trouble, you always were impulsive and irresponsible. But I thought you cared about her."
I shake my head. It doesn't matter what I say right now, I know my mother, she made up her mind. There's no way I can change it.
"I thought I raised you to be a better man than your father. Is this the legacy you want to leave behind? Love 'em and leave 'em?"
"Did she tell you how far along she is?"
"Eight weeks."
I nod, holding back the tears of fury burning the corners of my eyes.
"It's not mine. It can't be mine."
"It doesn't matter. I gave her money to take care of it."
"What?" I jump out of my seat. I understand now. That's what Luna was after, money. And my mother handed it right over to her."
"How much did you give her?"
"A couple of hundred. And by the way I expect you to pay back every penny."
"How could you? Have you heard one word I said? She's probably not even pregnant, and if she is it's not mine, but you didn't even stop to ask me. You just gave her exactly what she came for."
"If you'd answer her calls, you could've handled this and kept me out of it."
"I didn't come to you. I didn't ask for your help. Next time, do me a favor, stay out of it!"
"You ungrateful shit. I have a better idea. Next time keep it in your pants." She smacks me across the head again.
*
I call Luna, but as I expected, she doesn't answer. I don't hang up. I wait and leave a message on her voicemail.
"You're a slut and a liar. You used me. I'm so dumb to think I meant something to you. I see it now, it was always about money. I can't believe I let you play me like this. I loved you. There isn't anything I wouldn't have done for you. But you know how I feel now? I hate you Luna. I fucking hate you!"
I don't bother saying anything else. It doesn't matter. She's probably laughing her ass off at me with Dex, I fucking hate them both. I pound my pillow, wishing it was Dex's head. Maybe I should go to his house and fuck him up. Frustrated I fling the pillow across the room to find a sealed envelope left underneath it.
I turn it over in my trembling hands. I have no doubt it's from Luna. I swallow down the lump in the back of my throat. The envelope taunts me. I don't want to open it, but I can't bring myself to tear it to pieces either. I put it in my sock drawer so I don't have to see it. The door to my room bursts open. My sister looks scared, nervous as her eyes dart from side to side in the hall before she comes in and quietly closes the door behind her.
"What, Alexis?" I snap.
"Are you okay?" She moves toward my bed tentatively and keeps her voice down. "Mom's been flipping out."
I close my eyes and rub my forehead. Why can't they just leave me alone to deal with this shit? I look at my sister nibbling her bottom lip, and I know she needs reassurance. "Sorry. She's pissed at me."
"I know. I just, I've never seen her so angry with you. I want to make sure you're okay."
I sigh, knowing I have to keep it together for my sister. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"I don't believe you," she says getting off the bed and stepping toward me. "I thought you might need a hug." She wraps her arms around me. "And, Cooper. If you think it will help, I'll do something bad so she lays off you."
"No, Alexis. Don't get yourself in trouble. I'll be fine, really." I flip her hair from behind her head over her face. "The hug really helped. But until things blow over, I want you to steer clear of her. Okay? I need some time, and I don't need to worry about you too, right now."
"Okay. If you want to talk, I'll be in my room."
"Thanks." I smile, and I feel a smidgeon better.
Once Alexis leaves, I hop onto my computer and shoot up brain-eating zombies online. I play the stupid game, killing everything in my path until three o'clock in the morning. My eyes are heavy and want to close. I climb into bed hoping to drift off into a dreamless sleep, but sleep eludes me. I lie here for hours, thinking of Luna and the letter in my drawer. What the hell could she have to say? And why leave a letter instead of returning my phone call?