At six A.M. I flip the lights on and pull the envelope out.
Dear Cooper,
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day for everything I've done. I never wanted to hurt you. I really do love you, but sometimes life isn't fair. I'm sure you know that I'm pregnant. I just found out, and you have no idea how I wish the baby was yours. Maybe then we could work through everything and run off together. But as fate would have it, Dex is the father. I swear I didn't know.
I'm sure you're tired of hearing apologies from me. I'm sorry about that, too. But I promise this will be the last one.
I put the letter down. Not sure I can read anymore. She really is pregnant. Thinking that every time I kissed her or touched her a part of him was there between us, seems to nullify every beautiful moment between us. I want to scream. Now more than ever I want to shred the letter, but I can't. I need to see what more she has to say.
He raped me Cooper. He came into my room while I was sleeping, covered my mouth so I couldn't scream, and raped me. Of course he said it was my punishment for staying out all night and worrying him, but I've know it was just a matter of time. I knew when I'd wake in the middle of the night and find him standing in the doorway staring at me that things would escalate.
I wish I told you. I thought you'd force me to tell someone, and the thing is, he always talked about what a slut I am and how loose I am with my body, even though I've only had sex with you and Dex. And now him. I didn't think anyone would believe me. Everyone thinks he's this great guy for taking me and my mother in. No one knows what an ugly piece of shit he really is. God, I want to die.
Tears stream down my face. I'm going to fucking kill that mother fucker. He hurt her. And it's my fault. My body shakes as I feel a rage unlike anything I've ever felt shoot through my veins. Even though I was mad, I knew what was going on. She told me what he did to her in the shower. Instead of listening or trying to help, I sent her away. Alone. I let my hurt feelings get in the way of doing what's right. I pick up the letter and read some more.
I can't live like this, worrying about what he's going to do to me next. Already it's happened three times. And each time he gets more violent. He's gagged me and tied me up so I can't fight him. I told my mother. When she confronted him, he beat her senseless, and he threatened to do the same to me if I ever told anyone else. I'm so scared. I thought she was going to die and he wouldn't let me call an ambulance. I can't knowingly bring a baby into a life like this. Not when I know what the evil that lurks in the shadows looks like.
I'm broken. Fucking destroyed.
I know Dex's dealer. I'm taking the money your mother gave me and going to see him.
I'm a chicken, Cooper. I’m too scared to do this any other way. I don't want to feel pain when it happens. Just sleep. They'll all think it was an accident. Only you'll know the truth. You're the only one I can trust. The only one that really loves me. I hope someday you'll believe I love you, too.
For now, just know I'm happy meeting my maker knowing I'm your first love, your only love. At least there is one thing in my life I did right.
I hope we'll meet again someday.
I'll love you always.
Luna
I can't swallow. I can't breathe. I need to find her, stop her. Fuck my pride. She needs me. Guilt floods my mind and seeps into my heart. I turned her away. I fucking turned her away and now she's going to kill herself. I leap up and throw some clothes on.
This is my fault. I call her again, and again I get her voicemail. I beg Luna to call me. Without saying a word to my mother or sister, I sneak out and run all the way to her house. I stop fifty feet away staring at the two cop cars in her driveway.
My heart slams hard against my chest and the world is growing black around me. I drop to my knees, gasping for air. Either she succeeded and they're here to inform the family, or she's in serious condition in the hospital.
Either way I failed her. Me. I shut her out when she needed me most. I couldn't even bother reading the letter when I first saw it. Then maybe I would've had a chance to save her life. I don't bother going any further. No one is going to give me any information. I need to wait it out. But in my heart, I feel the void. In my heart, I know Luna is gone.
Chapter 25
"Son," My father clears his throat, "Why didn't you call me? I would've been there to help you through this. You needed support and guidance. This isn't something a teenage boy is equipped to deal with."
"How? What do you think you could've done? It's on me. No matter how you twist or turn it, it's my fault."
"No. It's not." He squeezes my shoulder. "You were just a boy. She shouldn't have put that on you. Please tell me your mother changed her tune when you showed her the letter."
I shake my head. "No one ever saw it. No one, except Luna's mother and the police. I handed it over to them so they could make Les pay for what he did, but he took off. Her mother thanked me, and then she was gone, too. Moved out of the state last I heard.
Everyone else, they all blamed me. I heard it all through school. They decided I got her pregnant and dumped her. No one ever suspected she killed herself. They assumed she was looking for an escape to deal with the pain I put her in. I never bothered to clear the record. I didn't want to mar her memory. Only Noah stood by me. He's the only one that took my side."
"Oh, Cooper."
"I don't need you're fucking pity."
He shakes his head. It's not pity. But you can't blame yourself. And if she was here, she'd want you to be happy."
"No she wouldn't. She wouldn't want me to love anyone but her."
"Son, she understood pain, and if she loved you as much as she said, she'd never want to see you in this kind of pain. She'd want you to be happy with Selene."
He doesn't know what he's talking about. "I just need to know I'm not responsible for the death of another girl I love."
"You love her then?"
I know for sure, without a doubt. I've known all along and wonder why I ever doubted it. "Yes. I love Selene."
*
It takes forever from the time we touch down until they open the door and I can escape.
"I'm driving," Noah insists.
"I want to get there today."
"Very funny." He slaps the back of my head.
"Seriously, Noah, I need to get to her. Now."
I toss Lexi my car keys. She, my father and Stephan will wait for the luggage and meet us at the hospital. I don't know how long it takes for us to get there. I think I've aged years on the drive over. Once the car is parked, I rush from the parking garage to the information desk, with Noah close behind.
Selene is up in the maternity ward. Her condition is stable. That's all I know. The old woman manning the desk won't give me any details. She won't tell me anything about the baby, I'm left in the dark. And worst of all, she won't let me up.