Mandaline wanted to live the way Julie had lived, to keep her friend’s spirit alive, to make her proud.
She didn’t want to feel angry. She didn’t want to wallow in dark emotions that would not only make her unhappy, but would make it nearly impossible for her to do her job, to help people.
Pers walked into the kitchen and nosed her ankle.
“I know, buddy. I’ll get you outside in a minute.”
Downstairs, she heard the back door open and the sound of someone disarming the alarm. She walked over to the stairwell and called down. “Hello?”
“It’s me,” Sachi called up. She appeared in the doorway at the bottom of the stairs. “You okay?”
Mandaline squinted down at her. “It’s only seven.”
“I know,” she said with what sounded like forced brightness. “I told you I wanted to go through and do inventory.”
We all cope in our own way. Perhaps this was how workaholic Sachi was coping, not only with Julie’s loss, but with the demons that haunted her. “Can I ask you a favor?”
“Of course.”
“Can you take Pers out, please? I just woke up. I’m starting coffee if you want some.”
“Of course I’ll walk him.” She came up the stairs and called the little dog to her. “And yes on the coffee, please.”
“If I’m in the shower when you come back, just go ahead and pour yourself some.”
Sachi cocked her head as she looked at her. “If you want to stay up here today—”
“No.” She smiled, hoping to gentle the way it came out. “I need to stay busy. And I have Sami and Matt coming in at ten.”
Sachi’s expression darkened. “Are you sure you want them here?”
“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Libbie and Grover. They’re hurting as badly as we are. More, in some ways. They nearly died, too. Please pass the word that I’m begging all of you to treat them with love and light, the way Julie would have wanted.”
Sachi held the dog close and seemed to slump against the wall. “Okay,” she softly said. “You’re right.” Sachi had a loving, beautiful heart and was fiercely loyal and protective of her friends. Although as a deeply ingrained defense mechanism she often came off abrasive and sarcastic, if not downright ornery. If someone didn’t know her and started out on the wrong foot with her, they sometimes found it hard to warm up to her.
Sachi rarely shared the source of her pain with anyone. Mandaline was one of the few she had. Frankly, Mandaline didn’t know how Sachi came out on the other end of things as strong as she had.
She’d had plenty of pain in her life before Julie took her under her wing a few years earlier. Mandaline loved Sachi and knew their relationship would deepen as a result of their shared loss.
It didn’t make Julie’s death any easier to accept, but it would make moving forward easier.
“Thank you, Sachi. They didn’t cause Julie’s death.”
“I know.” She scratched the dog’s neck and pressed her face against the top of his head. “I’m just…angry. So damned angry. I haven’t felt this angry since…” Mandaline watched her throat work as she swallowed hard, old, bad memories obviously struggling to break through.
Mandaline put down the washcloth and walked over to her friend. She hugged her, with Pers trying to lick both of them. “I’m struggling with that, too. I think we all will. But misplacing our anger won’t help. It’ll only hurt us in the long run.”
Sachi nodded. “I know.” Sachi apparently realized she’d let down her defenses and showed a little vulnerability. Mandaline felt the shift as Sachi quickly rebuilt her walls. She smiled. “Let me get this guy outside before he pops.”
Mandaline released her and watched her walk down the stairs. She returned to the bedroom and searched for something to wear, digging through the plastic storage tubs she’d hastily bought and dumped all her clothes into.
She didn’t have the heart to go through Julie’s belongings yet. Both she and Sachi could fit into many of Julie’s clothes. She wanted to wait for a little while, at least, and have a private evening for the two of them to do it together. She suspected Julie, who loved thrift stores and upcycling things, would have approved.
Thirty minutes later, she was showered, dressed, and downstairs with a mug of coffee. Sachi had already gotten to work, with Pers and Damiago both watching from the smallest sofa. Technically, neither animal should be downstairs. Julie used to keep the door to the stairwell closed during business hours, to keep Pers, and now Damiago, locked out of the store due to health department regs. Because of the coffee counter, they weren’t supposed to have animals in the store area.
Mandaline suspected both the animals and the humans of Many Blessings would greatly benefit from mingling somewhat today. She’d allow them both to roam free for now. Since they didn’t open until nine, technically she wasn’t breaking the law.
Besides, it’s my store, dammit.
Sachi was busy with a clipboard full of printouts, going section by section to do inventory, a steaming cup of coffee beside her.
Mandaline stopped by the shelf holding Julie’s urn. She adjusted the vase of wildflowers. “Hi, sister,” she whispered. She brushed it with her fingers. Julie hadn’t left instructions about what to do with her ashes, specifically stating that she left that up to Mandaline. One of Julie’s friends did woodworking and had offered to make the box, working nonstop for two days to have it ready in time.
The heart and love that went into it made it that much more special.
It felt like Julie was still there, in a way, looking out for them. It would be a daily reminder to keep her spirit alive, to keep her efforts to help people going strong.
Mina and Paige both showed up by eight.
“Why is everyone here so early?” Mandaline asked them. “Well, okay, I know why Miss Workaholic is here, but you two didn’t have to come in so early.”
They shared a glance. Paige finally spoke up. “We all talked about it and we don’t want you to have to be alone. Not right now. Not…this soon.”
Mandaline enveloped them both in a hug. “Thank you. But seriously, I’m going to be okay. It’ll be rough for a while, and I’m going to cry a lot more tears, but I’ll get through it. We’ll all get through it.”
A knock on the front door caught her attention. She turned to see Grover standing there, bakery boxes in his arms.
She hurried over and unlocked it to let him in.
“I brought your daily order,” he said as he carried them over to the counter where he set them down. “Libbie sent me.”
“Aw, thank you.” She gave him a hug. “You didn’t have to do that. I was going to come for them.”
“I know, but Libbie was worried about you and so was I.”
“You weren’t planning on sitting in on my appointment with Sami and Matt this morning, were you?” she playfully teased. He was dressed for working in the bakery, wearing an apron over a white T-shirt and black-and-white checked pants.
He let out a sigh. “No, honey. I wish I could but I know you’re stubborn.”
She smiled. “Yes, I am a stubborn witch. Let me get you a check.” She went to the office and wrote out a check. It was always the same amount. She brought it back to him and hugged him again. “I’ll see you at noon.”
“Just…” He looked over at Sachi. “Make her take it easy, okay?”
Sachi grinned and snapped him a salute. “Yes, sir.”
He rolled his eyes, but wore a smile as he shook his head.
Chapter Five
Mandaline felt grounded and at peace by the time Sami and Matt arrived five minutes before ten. Today marked a week since Julie’s death.